Sound Effects and Overdramatics

Dean and I got haircuts and a shave and spiffed up in our new clothes. I made reservations for dinner at a Japanese restaurant called Mizumi and rented a limo. I wanted to take our girls out in style.

As we waited in the hotel lobby for them to come down, my phone rang.

"Gates..." Jason breathed out.

"Jesus, are you okay?"

He chuckled. "Well, I'm not dead."

"What the fuck were you thinking, man?"

"Where's my sister?"

"I'm waiting for her to come down from the room."

"Monica has me on lock-down."

"I'm sorry man. Really."

God, the guilt was heavy in my chest. He didn't have to say anything, and it was still there. If we hadn't left, we'd have been able to keep him under control. It made me wonder how Laurel dealt with the guilt of disappearing for two years.

Having Kai around probably helped.

I so didn't need to go there.

"Just take care of her, yeah? I'll be okay. I've gotten myself out of some pretty sticky situations. This is a piece of cake."

"What the hell are you talking about? We'll be home tomorrow. We can figure it out."

More coughing. My guess was that he hadn't had a hit in about twenty-four hours. It was a wonder he wasn't puking his guts up. Monica needed to hook him to an IV soon.

"I'll see you tomorrow then." He hung up without waiting for a reply. I went outside to suck down a cigarette, trying to decipher his cryptic connotations.

Given the fact that I was sleeping with the guy regularly, I knew a hell of a lot more about him than anyone else, except for maybe Laurel. He had sex with a bunch of people, but our connection went deeper than that, because I was one of three people that actually gave a damn about him.

He wasn't okay and he wasn't going to get better.

He wasn't going to waste his time with it.

I crushed the empty cigarette pack in my hand and then laid my fist against the wall. Twice, and then a third for good measure. As I was shaking it out and looking at the blood bubbling up from the split skin, Courtney and Laurel got out of the elevator.

My breath hitched in my throat, my heart stopped, and the pain in my hand was no longer registering.

She was...

"Beautiful." I breathed when I walked back inside to stand next to Dean and greet them. I took her hands in mine and stared into her eyes, her green eyes.

She had taken her contacts out for this. For me.

"What happened?" She asked, noting the blood on my hand.

"Got into a fight with the wall. It won."

"Everything okay?"

"With us? Yeah, but um," I looked down at the floor, not wanting to bring it up. "Jason called. He's, well, not okay, but he's safe."

Her shoulders dropped and her face contorted with different emotions. I cupped the back of her neck and kissed her, preventing her from saying anything.

"Let's go." I took her hand in mine and led her outside, Dean and Courtney behind us.

She smiled when she saw the limo and kissed me again as I held the door open for all of them, being the last to get in.

"Fancy." She commented. I kissed the top of her hand and eyes the bracelet she put on.

It was the one I gave her after she had left.

I twirled it around her wrist and kissed her again, her plum red lips sticky on mine.

"Where are we going?" Courtney asked Dean. If she had been sitting any closer, she would have been in his lap.

"Dinner." Dean alluded.

"And going to dinner requires a hearse?"

"For the best girls it does." He answered with a smile. she shook her head and rolled her eyes, but they were full of love and admiration.

Beth had cracked a window and lit a cigarette, but she wasn't smoking it. She had her legs across my lap and was watching the traffic roll by, her eyes unfocused.

At the restaurant, we were seated as soon as I gave my name. Dean and Courtney were puzzling over the menus while I ordered enough sakke to go around. Beth looked around the room, noting the atmosphere, the lights, the wait staff, and the other diners. I watched her out of the corner of my eye. She jumped at every loud, unexpected noise.

When she started picking at her thumb while looking at her menu, I grabbed her hand and squeezed her fingers tight, but still didn’t look at her. Out of the corner of my mouth, I asked, “what’s wrong?”

“I’ll tell you later.” She muttered. Before I could respond, the waiter came over to take our order.

Dean and Courtney ordered, noting the tension between us. Courtney excused herself to go to the lady’s and Beth went with her. The air seemed to loosen as soon as they were gone. Dean downed some sakke and cleared his throat.

“What’d you do?”

“You mean, other than propose?”

“This have something to do with the drama back home?”

“Probably. Her brother is really codependent. She’s really the only one that’s looked out for him. Just a lot of family drama.” As I spoke the words, I didn’t quite believe them. Whatever was going on with her was more than my proposal and Jason shooting up. Something big was bothering her and she didn’t want to tell me, because with her, later didn’t really exist in her vocabulary.

When they got back from the bathroom, Courtney sat herself with a smile. Beth came around to me and grabbed my hand, pulling me up. I followed her out of the restaurant.

She paced for a minute. I sat on a bench and smoked patiently. “Beth,” I finally muttered. “Do you want to go back to the hotel?”

“Would you hate me?” She asked, sitting down next to me.

“Of course not. Our flight leaves in the morning. We can go back to the room and find a movie to watch and just hang out.”

She smirked at my words, the same ones I spoke to her over three months ago when she came back into my life. She knew as well as I did that that phrase wasn’t exactly part of my vocabulary.

“I’m sorry, baby. I know you had this whole big night planned.”

“Don’t worry about it. I love you. I just want to spend time with you. Let me leave some money for them and we can go.”

She nodded. I left her outside while I told Dean we were leaving. I had tickets for Cirque Du Soleil after dinner that I gave to him. I wasn’t going to ruin his chance to spoil his girl. I wanted to make sure they had a good time.

Back outside, Beth was smoking a cigarette slowly, unfocused. I helped her into the limo and held her while we drove, the silence tense but not unbearable.

She changed in the bathroom, by herself, and I heard her throwing up even though she hadn’t eaten. I’d never known her to actually get sick, but there was a first time for everything. I didn’t say anything when she came out; I only held my arms out for her and turned on the TV.

“I love you.” I whispered into her ear. She responded with a kiss.

Before I was able to pull away, she climbed on top of me, pulling my bottom lip into her mouth.

“I love you.” She answered when we finally broke apart. I gripped her sides hard when she bit into my neck, letting out a slow stream of air.

I couldn’t say what was going through her head. Something she needed a distraction from. Whatever it was, she didn’t want to think about it. I recognized the signs. She wasn’t going to tell me until she was ready and at that point it was probably going to be too late to do anything about.

I recognized the signs and knew what she was doing, but I didn’t do anything to stop it. I was too scared to address it, to push further into our problems and how we could fix them because she was already so close to running away again, I didn’t want to be the reason she took that final step in the other direction.

So I let myself get lost in the feeling of her, in the fire and the slow burn of her needing to take control, and prayed that it was the right thing to do.