Sound Effects and Overdramatics

I sat up and raced to the bathroom, collapsing in front of the toilet. Sweat broke out all over my body and I dry-heaved into the bowl.

"Jay?" Luce asked, leaning against the door frame. She was the only one I ever allowed to call me that.

I put my arm on the lid and then laid my cheek on top of my arm, giving her a small smile, trying to keep my breathing even.

"I'm good." I told her, my eyes closed.

I wasn't sure how or why Laurel went through this everyday. It was completely miserable.

But, anorexia and bulimia were two sides of the same coin. I couldn't condemn her method while going on with my own.

"You need to eat something." It wasn't a question, but an order.
She disappeared and I heaved some more. When I was done, Trey was hauling me to my feet.

Knowing I was too weak to walk, I didn't fight him as he threw my arm over his shoulder and helped me to the dining room table.

Luce came up behind me and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. She was wearing one of my t-shirts and her panties. I was completely naked. Trey was wearing just a pair of sweatpants, but completely alert.

He hadn't gone to sleep, but he had retreated to his room next door to give us a bit of privacy. Not that we got much; the walls in my mother's house were thin.

Luce went to the fridge and grabbed me a Powerade. I sipped slowly as Trey made himself at home in the kitchen.

To my dismay, my mother came down the stairs and joined us, a scowl all over her make-up free, but moisturized, face.

"What the hell is going on here?" She demanded. She hadn't been asleep either; she'd changed into some silk pajama pants and a camisole, with her silk robe hanging off her shoulders, but she'd stayed up.

"A slumber party. Obviously. Although, you're a bit overdressed." I replied, putting the bottle to my lips. Luce snorted and Monica scowled even more.

The microwave beeped and Trey put a bowl of rice and bananas in front of me. It was exactly what I needed to settle and fill my stomach. He busied himself at the far side of the table with a laptop while I took a spoon and dug in.

"Luce, could you excuse us please? I need to talk to my son alone."

Luce hesitated beside me. I nodded at her and she gave me a kiss before disappearing back to my room. Monica hadn't dismissed Trey, so I knew whatever she was about to tell me wasn't going to be good.

"I don't think you should be having guests right now, especially this late."

"C'mon, Monica. Even prisoners are allowed visitation hours."

"Yes, but there's still a curfew, and most prisoners aren't allowed to have sex with their visitors."

"If it was someone you actually approved of, you wouldn't care."

She released a frustrated sigh. I continued eating, not even looking at her.

"If she were someone I approved of, we wouldn't be having this conversation because she wouldn't still be here. She needs to go home, Jason. Now."

I pushed the bowl away and washed the food down with Powerade. "Why?" I asked childishly.

"Because you're sick, Jason, and she isn't good for your recovery."

"My recovery? From what, mother? From the drugs, the selling myself for money, or the sexual relationships I choose to have with men?"

In the dim light, I could see the anger light up her eyes, just like it did Laurel's. She had her jaw clenched and she was grinding her teeth and I knew I had hit home.

She thought that if I got sober, I wouldn't want to be with men anymore.

Or maybe it was just one man in particular she was worried about.

Trey closed his laptop, prepared to step in. He was closer to my mother's age, and I had to assume that he was her friend, or maybe her husband's, but with the way he held himself, I knew that if it came down to preserving a friendship or keeping people safe, he would choose the latter.

"That's it, isn't it? You can't stand that both of your kids are sharing the same man. It absolutely horrifies you that I suck and fuck your daughter's boyfriend."

She couldn't keep it in anymore. Her face twisted into hot anger. "It's vile and unnatural and it will not happen while you're living in my house. Am I clear?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I'd goaded her into admitting what her problem was, but it didn't make me feel better. For the first time in my life, I felt ashamed of who I was and what I did. A therapist would unpack it as constantly seeking acceptance and approval from my mother, and they wouldn't be wrong. Hearing her say it hit home and brought up exactly all the reasons why I started doing drugs in the first place.

"Crystal." I croaked out and stood to go back to my room, my chest tight. Trey stood to help me walk.

"Trey, if you could be so kind as to escort Miss Campbell to her car and set the alarm, I would appreciate it." Monica sighed, back to being cool and collected.

"Of course."

In my room, Luce was already dressed and ready to go. "I'll call later. Get some rest." She told me. Trey made sure I was stable in the bed before walking her out.

I couldn't stand to have anything touching my skin right now. My whole body was on fire and slick with sweat. I still shook, so I settled for just the top sheet. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep but I had to try.

Trey came back with the half-empty bottle of Powerade I'd left on the table. He held it out to me and sat down on the corner of the bed. I took it and stared at him, waiting for him to say something, because he obviously had something on his mind.

"Your mother means well. She just doesn't understand and you can't make her."

"Why the hell would I want to? She abandoned me. She's the reason I turned out so fucked up, but if all you're going to do is defend her, you can go."

He shook his head. "I'm not going to defend her. What she said to you was wrong. I'm here by your step-father's request. I owed him a favor. Quite frankly, your mother is a self-righteous bitch, but it's her orders I follow."

I twisted the top off the bottle and drank. I didn’t really care what his relationship to my mother was. Maybe he was fucking her when her husband went out of town. Maybe he was fucking her husband. It didn’t really make a difference to me.

“Word of advice?” He prompted. After I emptied the bottle, I shrugged and set it aside.

“Figure out what’s making you go back to the drugs. Then you’ll be able to figure out what’s worth keeping around.”

I barked out a laugh. It was sound logic. It just didn't work for me.

What no one seemed to understand is that I didn't want to get sober. I had no good reason to. Ian was a lost cause. I had paying customers who didn't give a fuck and even some who kept me in supply.

And Brian...what we did, what he asked me to do, necessitated it.

Why would I give it up?

"Who'd you lose?" I asked.

He kept his mouth shut, thinking heavily. After a long minute filled with me violently shaking, he answered.

"My sister. Trust me, that isn't something you wanna put yours through."

I had no answer. He walked out of the room but left the door open. I had no energy to close it. I laid in the bed, shaking, sweating out the fever and emptying my stomach into a trash can.