Sound Effects and Overdramatics

Another sad song. Another hole in the ground. Another day of wearing all black, saying goodbye to a friend.

The cops determined it an overdose. A bad batch of heroin mixed with too much cocaine. He died alone, and he felt every bit of it. I wondered if he had planned it that way or if he was so fucked up he didn't realize or care how much he was using.

Monica dabbed at tears I was pretty sure were fake with a white handkerchief, her husband next to her. Michelle stood on my left, Zack and Gena on my right, just like at Jimmy's funeral, but this time, Beth wasn't waiting for me by a tree in the distance.

This time, she was nowhere near the cemetery.

She'd stayed home, unable to force herself to come and bury her brother.

I couldn't decide if I was mad at her or not.

I saw Ian in the back of the crowd as everyone dispersed, but I didn't have a chance to catch up to him. Luce and a few people from the club Jason used to work at left in a car together. I didn't recognize anyone else.

The celebration of life was supposed to happen at my house. I needed to hurry back and make sure Beth was prepared to handle the onslaught of people.

Michelle came up behind me as I lit a cigarette and offered to drive. I dropped my keys into her hand and followed her and the rest of the group out of the gate.

She didn't say anything the whole way back to the house, for which I was grateful.

"Beth?" I called when I opened the door.

While Michelle started picking up-I hadn't been able to bring myself to do a whole lot of cleaning-I jogged up the stairs to the bedroom, but found it empty.

It was odd because it was where Beth had been all week, in a completely non-existent state, barely eating, barely talking.

I knew better than to push her. She needed time and space and I was going to give it to her.

Downstairs, Michelle had gotten a fresh pot of coffee going. She set out deli platters and soda and cups and was loading the dishwasher. I walked up to her and pulled her into a hug.

"You're amazing." I mumbled in her ear. She patted my back and smiled when she pulled away.

"Is she here?"

"Probably downstairs."

My stomach twisted into knots when I went over to the basement door. I wasn't sure what I was going to find, but I knew it wouldn't be good.

A third of the way down the stairs, before anyone could see that someone was coming, I was able to see most of the room, including the bar.

Beth was sitting on top of it, a cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other, with a smile plastered on her face. Benji had his hand on her thigh, and was leaning in close, also smiling. They were speaking low enough that I couldn't hear. Benji said something and made her tilt her head back in laughter. He took his shot and placed a kiss on her neck.

I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, and hoped she would push him away. When she didn't stop him, he moved his mouth, and his hands, up.

I pounded down the stairs and ripped him away from her. "What the hell is this?"

She wasn't even perturbed. She set her glass down and hopped off the counter. "Baby, relax. We were just-" She sidled up to me. I grabbed her wrists and held her at length.

"We just buried your brother, and instead of being there, you're here, screwing around."

"I'm not screwing around. Benji and I were just-"

"Yeah, I have an idea." I muttered. I turned to my friend, a fellow musician, and glared.

If it had been Kai, I could almost let it slide.

Almost.

"Any other day," I growled. "Any other day and I would be wailing on you, but I suggest you leave. Right now."

"He doesn't have to go." Beth argued in his defense.

"You know, I think he does."

"Baby," she whined, trying to get close again.

"You're drunk."

He hauled ass so fast I could have sworn I saw a dust cloud. She whirled around and went for her glass. I took it from her, almost slamming it down hard enough to break.

"Why are you trying to ruin my fun?"

"Your fun? What the hell is the matter with you? Jason is dead. You've been walking around like a zombie all week and instead of coming with me to his funeral, I catch you down here with Benji."

"We weren't doing anything, Bri."

"Really? This is you not doing anything?" I poked at a fresh hickey on her neck. It must have happened before I interrupted. She jerked away from me with a glare.

"Don't get on your fucking high horse, Synyster. You spent, what, two weeks drunk off your ass after Jimmy died? You left Michelle by herself so you could fuck me."

I took a step away from her and let her finish her drink. I'd seen her drunk before but never this bad. She was hurting, more than I could imagine. Jason wasn't just her brother, but her twin. That was a bond I couldn't replicate or relate to. Add in his codependency and her desperate need to take care of him and it was a wonder she was still standing on her feet.

Arguing with her now was the worst possible thing to do. I couldn't even really fault her for what she was doing with Benji.

After all, when Jimmy died, I ran straight to Jason. It wasn't fair of me to throw stones.

"How about you sober up, and we'll talk later." I echoed her words back to her and began walking towards the stairs.

"People are gonna be here soon. If you don't wanna deal, I don't know what to tell you. Michelle is upstairs helping set up."

Leaving her alone with a full bar was probably one of the worst things I could do, but I'd had enough managing Jason. I didn't have it in me to do it with her. How she dealt with things was her business. She didn't want my help, so I was done offering.

Upstairs, Michelle only gave me a glance before unwrapping a package of Styrofoam plates. I poured coffee and went out the back door, plopping my ass on the steps and lighting a cigarette.

I smoked slowly, letting the breeze brush my hair and cool my coffee. I grabbed it to keep something in my hands more than to drink it. Michelle came out a d sat next to me after a few minutes but didn't say anything. Her presence was enough of a comfort.

"Hello?" Johnny called from the front of the house. I turned my head and stood up to take the pizza boxes from him.

"How ya doin', hun?" Lacey asked me. I smiled and shrugged. While I was putting the pizza on the table, Beth came up from the basement, stumbling once she hit solid ground.

She didn't acknowledge Michelle. She barely looked at Johnny and Lacey. I watched with embarrassment as she tripped over herself all the way to the sink, no rush, no fuss, and threw up.

Normally, I would have been holding her hair back. Not this time. She finished and rinsed her mouth, and then the sink. I shuffled my feet, unable to come up with anything to say.

"God, you guys are morbid. It's supposed to be a party." She commented after pouring coffee. When she stumbled again, Lacey reached out and caught her.

"C'mon sweetie. Let's get you upstairs. Mich, wanna give me a hand?"

Michelle nodded and gave my arm a reassuring squeeze before taking Laurel's other side and helping her out of the kitchen. Matt and Zack came through the back door carrying ice.

"What's that about?" Matt asked. Gena and Val came in behind them.

"She's so drunk I don't think she remembers why." Johnny answered for me. I didn't want to say anything about Benji. It wasn't the real issue.

After today, after everyone left and things settled down, we'd talk about things, about what's been said and done.

We would talk about what was left and what we were supposed to do now.