Sound Effects and Overdramatics

Of all the people to help me in my drunken stupor, I never expected it to be Johnny's girlfriend and Michelle. Only in a totally fucked up parallel universe would the woman whose boyfriend I stole-twice-would care enough about me to make sure I didn't choke on my own puke.

"You got it?" Lacey asked Michelle from the door. Michelle was helping me sit up on the bed.

"Yeah. Go back down. See if Brian needs anything."

For the first time, we were finally alone together. I was ready to pass out. She helped put my legs on the bed and I curled up, propping my head in my hand.

"You're a good friend."

"Yeah, well." She muttered.

"I'm sorry."

She didn't say anything, but she sighed and sat down in the battered rolling chair. She looked around the room, probably noticing the lack of her things and the addition of mine, and opened her mouth.

I took slow, even breaths, closing my eyes against the spinning room.

"You're not alone, you know. Brian lost him, too."

"Yeah, and he lost Jimmy, and I wrecked his life."

"What are you talking about?" She pushed. I took another deep breath through my nose and exhaled slowly.

"He has nothing with me. I won't marry him, I can't give him kids, and now I don't even have my brother to be a buffer. I came in and destroyed everything he had, and for what? Because I was jealous of you? I'm pathetic."

She didn't say anything. She stood and placed a trashcan next to the bed, smoothed a blanket over me, and left.

It wasn't long before I was passed out.

When I woke up, I was alone, the other side of the bed undisturbed. My head hurt, but it was a dull ache. I put my feet on the floor and waited for nausea to take over, but it passed quickly without the need to vomit.

I heard rain pelting the window. I walked slowly over to it and separated the blinds to look out. Brian's Jeep was the only one in the driveway. The sky was grey and cloudless.

I wasn't ready to go downstairs. Even though his Jeep was here, I couldn't be sure that he was home, but I wasn't ready to face him.

I had nothing good to say. No excuses, no apologies. Anything I could come up with was empty and hollow. Even if it wouldn't have been a lie, it wouldn't erase what I did with Benji, or the conversation I had with Michelle.

I wondered if she told him after she went back downstairs what I had said.

After going to the bathroom and taking some aspirin, I changed into some clean clothes and ran a brush through my hair. I needed a shower, but I didn't have the energy. I'd been lost in limbo since I found out Jason was gone. I didn't even know what day it was, if it was the end of the day Jason had been buried or the beginning of a new one.

It didn't really make a difference.

I smoked a cigarette, prolonging the inevitable trek downstairs. I didn't want to fight with Brian; I just wanted to move on.

I would be lying if I said I didn't feel relief that I wasn't responsible for my brother anymore.

I took the first few steps down and waited, listening for any sign that Brian was home, or that anyone else was here. When I didn't hear anything, I kept going, making my steps as slow and light as possible. I stopped at the bottom when I saw Brian on the couch, holding a beer bottle and a cigarette, and staring st the floor.

"Hey." I greeted quietly, because he hadn't bothered to look up. I didn't sit next to him, but I moved to stand closer, folding my arms around my stomach.

"How long have you been up?" I asked.

"Haven't been to sleep." He mumbled.

"I'll make some coffee then."

I didn't wait for his reply. I went into the kitchen and began making myself useful.

The clock on the stove read after four in the morning. I'd slept for about twelve hours. The kitchen wasn't a disaster, but it was nowhere near clean, so I started coffee and got to work on throwing away used plates and cups.

Just picking up trash made it look better. I tied the bag and set it by the back door before pouring two cups of coffee. Brian came in to sit at the counter before I could bring it out to him.

"I talked to Benji." He admitted with a sigh. I slid his cup across the counter and waited for him to continue.

"You didn't sleep with him."

"No."

"But you would have."

"Maybe."

They weren't questions. He already knew what happened. He only wanted confirmation. I still had no good reason for why I did it.

"He said that you didn't tell him what happened to Jason. You invited him over for drinks and it just went too far. If he had known what was going on, he would have said no."

"What do you want from me, Brian?" I asked, defeated. I curled my hands around my mug and drank.

"Why didn't you tell him?"

"I didn't..." I stopped and took a breath. My voice was already cracking. "I didn't want to feel anything. I just..." he reached over and brushed his thumb under my eye. "I didn't want to think about it. I'm tired of thinking about it."

The dam broke. The flood of tears I'd been holding back all week finally began to fall. He moved around the counter and pulled me into his chest, smoothing my hair down and holding me tight as I cried into his freshly tattooed chest.

Several minutes passed before I stopped. I pulled away from him and grabbed a kitchen towel to swipe at my eyes and blow my nose.

Needing to feel useful again, I turned to the sink and picked up a scrub brush. I flipped the water on and grabbed a glass, ready to attack nonexistent germs.

His hands closed over mine as he took up the space behind me. He kissed my neck and rested his chin on top of my shoulder. I dropped the brush and the glass and curled my fingers into his as he brought our hands to rest over my stomach.

I wanted to cry all over again.

I wanted to, but refused to. I pushed him away and moved around the breakfast bar to drink my coffee and finish cleaning the table.

"You can't run from this."

"If I was trying to, I'd be in London already."

"With Kai?"

"Probably."

"So go, then."

I whirled on him, anger filling me up. "You really wanna do this again, Bri? This back and forth bullshit? I don't want Kai. I want you. Why do you think I'm still here? I made a mistake. Are you really gonna condemn me for it?" My voice remained steady, without rising. Yelling wouldn't solve the problem.

"You're right. That wasn't fair of me." He muttered. He grabbed a garbage bag from under the sink and brought it over to help dump pizza boxes.

We worked silently as we cleaned together. Neither one of us wanted to be the first one to speak, so we stayed silent. We finished a pot of coffee and started another one and kept going.

As I came back in from taking the trash out, my stomach growled. Brian was already on it, chopping up peppers and onion for omelettes. I moved around him and wrapped my arms around his stomach, kissing his shoulder blade before resting my face against his back.

He quit chopping and turned, putting my arms over his shoulders and his hands on my hips. He kissed me, barely brushing his mouth against my own, waiting for my reaction.

I kissed him back, pushing him back against the counter. He held it, not daring to go further. I twined his hair around my fingers and gave a gentle tug, pushing my tongue into his mouth.

My other hand trailed down his chest to his waistband. He pulled away and grabbed my wrist to stop me.

"Lor," he breathed, his voice husky. He had his eyes closed, trying to control himself.

"Tell me to stop." I whispered. I kissed him again, slowly, and then moved my lips to his jaw and then his neck. He groaned and relaxed against me.

"Tell me to stop and I will." I repeated.

"Tell me what happens after?" He managed to get out. He opened his eyes and stared at me, his fingertips grazing my cheek. "What happens after we're done?"

I held his stare, searching his eyes as deeply as he searched mine. I brought my hand back up and let it rest on his chest, over his heart. "We keep going. Together."

"Happily ever after, just like that?"

"You have something else in mind?" I teased.

He smiled. "No. That sounds perfect."