Sound Effects and Overdramatics

I sat at the small glass table on the balcony, watching the sun slowly rise over the city. The pale lavender shade of the sky matched my mood perfectly. I sipped my coffee and flicked the ashes of my cigarette onto the ground.

I was so fucking stupid.

Not only did I disrupt something I really had no part in, but I caused more issues for Brian. I needed to talk to him, but I didn’t have to kiss him, especially in front of an audience.

It was hard not to notice the nice hunk of rock on Michelle’s finger.

I hadn’t expected him to wait for me. I made the decision to leave and cut off all contact. Of course he moved on.

The way he kissed me, though, told me all I needed to know.

He hadn’t moved on anymore than I had.

I sighed and put my cigarette out. I’d hardly slept since I got the news. I caught a few hours on the plane, and a few each night, but a solid eight hours was out of the question for the duration. I was too anxious, a bundle of nerves that not even the massive amount of vodka I drank could untangle.

I wouldn’t feel right until I had a real conversation with Brian.

Kai, on the other hand, slept peacefully. I envied his ability to sleep practically anywhere and not hear anything. Waking him up for anything required effort and skill.

When I came back from the funeral and told him what happened, he offered comfort in the only way he could: a bottle and his bed. During all of it, I told him everything. Running from Finn, meeting Brian, who he actually was, everything that happened.

He listened without judgement or comment. All he cared about was the here and now, and all he wanted to do was help me forget, at least for a little bit.

As I went back into the room, he rolled over in the bed, the blanket falling off of him, leaving the sheet to barely cover him. I smiled to myself and snapped a picture with my phone. He hardly let anyone take pictures of him, and this was too pure.

Someone knocked on the door as the flash went off and I jumped. My phone clattered to the floor and I was grateful it was carpet. Steadying myself, I picked it up and shut it off. The knocking became more insistent.

“What are you doing here?” I asked Brian after I opened the it. I didn’t have a doubt as to who it was. I’d been waiting for him to make an appearance.

He kissed me again, with the same desperation he had earlier. He knotted his fingers into my hair and pushed me backwards into the room. I kissed him back, opening my mouth to let him in. He kept moving me back, his lips never leaving mine. My back hit the wall and he brought our arms up, pinning my wrists above my head.

“Bri…” I breathed. He nudged my face aside and began kissing my neck, sending familiar chills through my body.

“Should I leave you two alone?” Kai joked, sitting up in the bed. Brian jumped back. I re-positioned my robe and folded my arms tightly across my chest.

“You’re not Finn.”

Kai, having no shame, stood in all his glory, and approached Brian, hand extended. “You must be Brian. I’m Kai.”

“Hi…” Brian said slowly, shaking his hand.

“I’m gonna take a shower. Let you two talk. Beth said you didn’t really get a chance to earlier.” He walked away and a minute later, water was running.

“You want some coffee?” I asked, smoothing my hair back.

“Why the fuck did he call you Beth?”

I made coffee anyway. I needed something to do to disguise the fact that my hands were shaking.

“Laurel, what’s going on? Who is that prick?”

After a steadying breath, I smoothed my hair back and locked my fingers behind my neck. “Kai is a friend. He was with me when I found out. He came with me for support.”

“I bet he did.” he mumbled. He took up a chair and tapped a cigarette out of his pack, waiting for me to answer his other question.

“My name isn’t Laurel anymore. I changed it when I left. It’s Elizabeth Tate now.”

He scowled, his eyebrows knitting together in concentration. He bounced the cigarette up and down on his palm. His focus wasn't on me, but the bathroom door.

After I had the coffee going, I moved behind him and put my arms around his shoulders, leaning down to kiss his neck. I breathed in, the scent of him bringing all my memories back to life.

Irish Spring, Marlboros, and whiskey.

"I missed you." I admitted, resting my chin on his shoulder.

He huffed in disbelief, pulling away and sticking a cigarette in his mouth.

"Where's your husband? If memory serves, he was pretty keen on not letting you out of his sight."

"Ex husband, and he's currently serving fifteen years for killing an inmate and attacking a guard."

"Congratulations." He noted. He stuck the cigarette in his mouth and lit it. I kept my distance, waiting for him to ask more questions.

"Where did you go?"

"When Ali helped me get away from Finn, Christian set me up in New York first, then London."

"So Ali got to know everything, but you didn't bother to let me or your brother know?"

"I couldn't."

"You wouldn't."

I snapped my mouth shut. His nostrils flared. He smoked, forcing himself to calm down. We stared each other down, both of us too stubborn to back down.

After a minute, he let out a slow exhale of breath, his shoulders heaving up and then dropping. He looked defeated and worn out.

Lost.

Without me and without Jimmy, it was a wonder he was still able to stand.

I didn't want to argue with him anymore. We both held hostility and it was justified, but I didn't want our reunion to be filled with it.

"Do you love him?"

I set my cigarette down and moved over to him. He let me take his hands and he let me kiss him. "No. No one since you."

Everything in him seemed to loosen up. He wrapped me in his arms, burying his face in my neck. I hugged him tight, not wanting to let go, not wanting him to go.

Kai came out of the bathroom, towel draped over his neck instead of his waist. I knew he wasn't trying to make a point; he was just comfortable enough not to care who saw what.

Brian, on the other hand, pulled away, throwing his arm possessively around my neck. "You taking off?"

"I don't exactly fancy watching the two of you shag, so yeah. There's a pub 'round the corner that seems like a good idea." He pulled on his jeans, sans boxers, and buttoned them without looking up.

Brian moved so that he was standing behind me, his arms thrown over my shoulders. I linked our fingers together and he started nibbling on my ear. Kai smirked as he buttoned up his shirt.

My neck grew hot, and then my face. I couldn’t look at my friend and I suddenly felt way too close to Brian. I twirled out of his embrace, grabbed his cigarettes off the table and went back outside to get some air.

Kai was leaving us alone and as much as I wanted to thank him, I also didn’t want him to leave. He was the only one who knew me as Beth. He helped me find my feet and find my new self.

Being alone with Brian meant that it would all melt away and I wasn’t sure I wanted that to happen.

“Hey…” Brian said from the doorway. I turned and saw him leaning against the wall. He had his hands buried in his pockets and was watching me with adoration.

I pulled all of my hair to one side over my shoulder and gave a weak smile before lighting a cigarette

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I choked out. “I’m just trying to figure out why you’re here.”

“Where should I be?”

“I don’t know. With your friends, your family. You buried your oldest friend today. You should be with them.” I argued. I was tense, putting up a wall.

Or, building it higher.

“I’ve been with friends and family for a fucking week. Now I want to be with you.”

Before I could protest, he pulled me to him and pushed his lips against mine. He didn’t even give me time to process before pulling me backwards back into the room. He untied my robe and fell onto the bed, wrapping the ties around his hands as he kissed his way across my stomach.

“That’s new.” He mumbled against my belly button ring. “And these.” He nipped each of the dermal piercings at my hips. I raked my fingers across the top of his head and gripped the back of his neck.

I shivered and he pulled me closer, moving his lips up to my ribs and then my sternum. When he pulled my nipple into his mouth I sucked in air and dug my nails into his skin.

He stopped and pulled away. He dug his fingers into my hips and his eyes darted towards the scar on my shoulder. He took a deep breath and moved his eyes higher to meet mine.

“Tell me to go, and I will." His voice was soft with desperation.

My breath caught in my throat. I struggled to take a breath and smoothed his hair out. When I brushed my thumb over his cheek, he put his hand on top of mine and turned his face to kiss my palm.

I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want him to leave. There was still too much that needed to be said, but continuing wasn't a good idea for the same reason. I missed him, I loved him, I wanted him, but…

Sensing my hesitation, he pulled me into his lap and wrapped his tattooed arms around my waist. He kissed my collar bone and my shoulder and rested his mouth against my skin for a few seconds.

“How about we just...hang out?” He suggested. I smiled and kissed the top of his head.

“We can do that.”

After some situating and texting Kai and Jason, we were snuggled into the bed and watched Casablanca, perfectly content.