‹ Prequel: A Life Cycle Reborn
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A Life Again

Chapter 3 Kyle Present World: Earth

It was one of my better days. I'm not saying that because it is Saturday all I'm saying is that nothing went wrong, and I was able to do everything that I wanted. I have been clearing out a lot of stuff around the house, like furniture in the spare rooms, junk collected over time from house projects over the years and books that I will never read. I posted a bunch of items online and the last of it sold earlier today which is great. It's less stuff to have to worry about and more money in my pocket.

I take a seat on the couch. Smarty has been following me around all day and jumps up only to lie down next to me. As much as I wasn't in the mood for the dog's shenanigans, I must give it to him that he is a persistent little pooch. Despite me ignoring him, he followed with his little white teddy bear in his mouth just waiting and hoping I would toss it for him. He would drop it at my feet whenever I stopped to do something or when I would move around the house he would run in front and drop it in my path in hopes that I would kick it for him. I did a couple of times just to get him to give me a break for a few moments.

It feels good to sit and sink into the leather. I check my phone for messages. No one has sent me anything. I'm not one for checking out the social media feeds honestly, they annoy me. I have them to keep in touch with the family for if they need to reach me. I don't really understand the hype with all the selfies and motivational posts or the announcements where people put out all their personal information only to open themselves up to let people judge them. I don't get it and my sister is always asking me why I didn't like her posts and every time I tell her it is because I don't look at the feed. She just doesn't get it. I tell her that I don't get it. What's so interesting in reading about other people's lives.

I put my phone down and pick up the remote, pressing the buttons, surfing the channels and find a comedy to watch. I half watch and half play a game of pool on my smartphone. The T. V. is on more for the background noise than anything. Without it, the house is quiet. It has been just over a year since the car accident and losing Robin.

I miss her. I miss her just as much as the day I found out. The only difference now is that I have come to terms with it that she won't be waking up next to me. We won't talk, laugh, fight or make love ever again. We take for granted those moments we share. You only realize that once it's gone, at least I have. I would give anything just to have her here for a few minutes.

Her personality was like no other. She was always funny. A natural at it but more of an indirect funny. Robin would always just do things or say things without thinking and that was what was endearing. She never forced it. She was just a silly person. I miss her. She had always wanted children and was ready. We had talked about it, but we agreed to wait a little longer. It was because we wanted to make sure that our careers were stable.

Funny how that stuff now looking back was the least of our worries. We could have made things work. If I had said yes let's do this, today I may have had a piece of her with me here. Being responsible for another, having value and unconditional love from someone that we made together. I regret missing out on starting a family and hate the fact that those what-ifs often come to mind.

Friends have started to mention getting back into the game. They aren't pushy about it. It's in people's nature to want to help and even though I haven't acted on the suggestion it doesn't mean that I don't want to, or should I say I don't want to not want to. It doesn't feel right just yet. I guess that means that I don't want to at least not right now. I'm not sure when. Maybe a week. Maybe another month or year, I don't know. People at work say that online dating works. I know they are giving me hints to be open and give it a try. I don't know though. When is enough time?

I don't remember what it's like to date anymore. I'm not interested in putting myself out there and making the effort. All this online dating stuff just seems forced that honestly it just seems so fake. The women online look like they are trying too hard with the hair, makeup, fake brows, even those angled pictures aren't fooling anyone on their weight, not that there is a problem with having a few extra pounds. It's so much noise and fakes.

Maybe if I'm judging the process of onlinedating perhaps, I should take it as a sign that maybe my heart is opening tothe possibility of finding another. Maybe that's a sign of me beginning to moveon? I'm not going to force it and if it doesn't feel right then why evenbother, it's just not me. I lost the game of online pool and decide to give myphone a rest and place it next to me on the glass coffee table. I lean backfurther into the recliner and decide to pay attention to the show. Smartyappreciates me petting his silky black fur as we relax together. Today was agood day and hopefully, tomorrow will be too.