Not Myself ~ Andy Biersack

When I first met Andy he was everything I had ever dreamed of tall, blue eyes, smart, funny, caring, he was perfect we hit it off instantly after the course of three years though we found ourselves on the rocks.

Andy just wasn’t the same I can’t tell if it was all the stress from the band or if maybe he was letting the fam get to him, Andy had a thing about giving the fan’s what they wanted, what they deserved, he never really takes breaks and when he does he’s sick.

I was used to it but something just felt off he was distinct he rarely has a conversation with me anymore, in bed he would roll his back to me, it just wasn’t him.

I was curled up on the sofa reading when Andy walked in taking his boots off at the door and putting away his umbrella and jacket, “Hey babe.” I said without looking up from my book “Hey.” He mumbled walking into the living room and sitting in the recliner.

I didn’t say anything for a while hoping he would start the conversation but once again I was wrong “So what did you do today?” I asked closing my book and turning to face him, “work things.” He said “like?” I asked drawing out the ‘I’ “recording, singing stuff like that look can we please not talk about it.” He said “oh ok.” I said and went back to my book.

After a few more minutes with silence, I couldn’t take it anymore “Alright what is your problem?” I snapped “I don’t have a problem.” He muttered back “Obviously you do Andy you won’t have a conversation, all you do is give me the cold shoulder, hell you won’t even hold me in bed anymore I wanna know what the hell is going on!” I went off on a rant.

“I don’t have a problem so drop it.” He snapped getting up and walking off “I’m not done talking to you!” I followed him to the stairs “Andy!” I yelled, “I’m just worried about you, this isn’t who you are.” I added, “And who are you to tell me who I am!.” Andy snapped turning back around.

“Someone who knows you well enough to tell!” I said trying to hold back the tears “You don’t know shit, you think you do y/n but you don’t you don’t know me or who I am or wanna be if I wanna be an ass and not talk to you then I will be if you don’t like it leave!” He yelled and spun back around

“Andy please!” I begged as he stormed up the stairs “Leave me the hell alone all you do is nag and complain well I’m tired of it and I'm tired of you!” He said as we walked into our room, I stopped in my tracks first he said to leave now he’s tired of me I nodded my head letting a few tears slip “Fine.” I said in a low voice, I walked over to the closet pulling out my suitcase and duffel bag.

“What are you doing?” He asked I didn’t respond I began to fold and pack my things into my suitcase, walking back and forth from the closet to the bathroom and nightstand

“Babe please don’t leave.” He said calmly I still didn’t answer, “Baby please I’m sorry.” He said I could hear him starting to cry.

As soon as both bags were packed, I started walking downstairs with Andy in step “babe please.” He begged, “I’m sorry I know I’m an asswhole just please I’ll make it up to you.”

As I headed for the door he got in front of me blocking my way, so I turned around to go out the back door he jumped in front of me again I tried to spin one more time but he did it again “Andy move.” I said,

“No, I won’t let you leave.” He said,

“give me one good reason why I shouldn’t.” He didn’t say a word

“Exactly.” I said after a few minutes, as he stood there I walked around him and got to the door “Fine leave see if I care!” He yelled after me as I walked down to my care, “Don’t come crying when you come to your senses.” He yelled I throw my things in the back and got in the driver’s seat.

That’s when I broke I rested my head on the steering wheel and sobbed, how could he do this? I was only trying to help him, only trying to be there. As the thoughts in my head ran My stomach started to hurt “I have to calm down.” I said, “I know I shouldn’t have gotten upset I’m sorry.” I said staring down at my stomach before buckling, turning the key and pulling away.