Awkward, Hormonal, and Right All the Time

I've tried to tap into a version of myself I felt ceased to exist a long time ago. It just turns out that I've been consistently running away from whom I used to be because I judged her so hard. But there are parts of her I really loved and I feel, even after all these years, I've held on to her.

As a teenager I always felt that I was right, and I always had to be right, and everyone else just hated I was right. But who the fuck cares what everyone else thinks?
I was right about one thing for sure: Who the fuck cares what everyone else thinks?
I was so sure of myself and what I believed (Christianity at the time), that it didn't matter to me what everyone else thought, because the only thing that mattered to me was how I felt about me. Honestly, this mentality saved me from a lot of bullshit in middle and high school.

But as a teenager, I had a lot of growing that I still needed to do. I didn't realize just how much I hadn't grown you know?
So, I'm writing this for every teenager who might read this.

I'm going to write to you about love. I've decided to do this, because there are some realistic expectations that are circulating, but there are parts of the stories people aren't telling.

I want you to know a few major things: When you fall in love at 15-17, and it's completely 100% head over heels in love, it's ALWAYS true love. Why? It's the easiest love you'll ever find. You'll love 100% without limits if this love is reciprocated. I'm going to tell a story about this kind of love, but I have the following as a foreword before I let this story begin.

For many young people, love may not come until later. If you're lucky enough to find love young, it might be one sided, and in those cases, the fall out is much more painful. Guys (everyone reading this), I'm gonna tell you a secret your parents (if they're millennials, you bet your ass you've heard this) may not have told you: sex and love are not synonymous. For you, the young woman who sacrifice her virginity to a boy who doesn't give a rats ass about you, but you didn't realize it before. But when you think back, you remember all the times they were changing your favorite song when it came on the radio because they thought it'd be funny.
You should watch for the signs that show he doesn't care about you before you have sex with him. Watch for how he talks to you about his friends. Watch how is friends talk about other girls and guys, and watch how they treat each other. Are they kind? Respectful? Honest? If the answer is no, chances are, your guy isn't either. Does he make you feel about how you look? Does he tell you that joke you made was stupid? Does he make sly remarks that are actually mean if he didn't make them sound so endearing? Take these sentences for example: "You're so stupid, I think I broke you", "You're smile is crooked but at least I love you", and "No one's gonna be able to put up with you like I do." If you feel like sex is the only way for him to just be decent to you, run. This isn't love, at the very least, if you're going to have sex with someone, do it with someone who actually likes you and vice versa.

For the young man who slept with the girl of his dreams and it turns out that she gave it to you to be nice, because you obviously really wanted it. There are ways to tell if she's really into you or not. Pay attention to how she talks to you, is she coming to you for support because she's had a bad day, and she just needs to vent? Is she avoiding you at lunch because she wants to sit with her friends, but I'll call you later, okay? Or is she finding every excuse she can to touch you? Your hair, leg, your hand? Girls aren't hard to read. They honestly don't know what they want half the time, and they're just as clueless as you are, believe it or not.
Sometimes you are likely to want to have sex with a girl who keeps blowing you off, but is really extra nice to you when no one's around. Usually this is because she's confused about how to handle the situation. You shouldn't have sex with someone who isn't willing to remember you afterwards. You both deserve more than that.

Now, these rules aren't gender-specific. I use the boy/girl model because I've been a cis-female my entire life and so that's the perspective this story is being told from. Not to say that other genders didn't exist, far from it, but this is to say that I can only attest to my personal experience because I only saw the world in my way. I have a non-binary best friend who could attest to feeling very much all over the place and her wanting to have sex but never knowing if it was the right time. I have a bi best friend who will tell you that his first time was awkward, but he knew exactly what he wanted and when because he was in love. But I can't tell you their stories because they aren't my stories to tell.

I can only tell you about this girl who was 15 and who thought she knew everything.