Feel My Memories Fade

“Brian, kiddo. This is Emily.” Brian Sr chuckled and nudged his five year old son encouragingly toward the little girl in front of them, who was also standing there hiding behind her golden locks.

Richard and Catherine had moved in next door last week and after getting to know each other, the couples quickly learned that they both had children the same age. Catherine had gushed over photos of Brian Jr in his halloween costume from two years ago and Brian Sr had laughed at her daughter’s mishap with some nursery paints.

The little girl in the black top and pink skirt squealed as the boy approached her. She quickly hid behind her mom, grabbing onto her leg, wishing she could disappear. Boys made her nervous, plus they had cooties from what her friends told her about them.

‘Hi Emily.”

She looked up to see the dark haired boy standing there, fiddling with his fingers. He had the most golden brown eyes she had ever seen. Her face flushed crimson when her mom took a step back, leaving her out in the open in front of this creature.

“Umm hello?” she replied, looking down at her glittery shoes as she twisted her foot around awkwardly.

Brian smiled, he didn’t normally like girls but this one seemed cool even if she was wearing gel looking wellies in the middle of summer. Normally the girls he played with only liked playing ponies or with their dolls but this one looked like she might be cool. She had a black shirt on so he reckoned he would like her.

“Wanna play?” he motioned towards his trucks in the backyard causing Emily to grin. She took off towards the garden, not even waiting for Brian to think twice.

He decided that he liked her already.

My fingers caressed the edge of the dog-eared photo album, a faint smile on my lips, reminiscing about the day we moved into our new home thirty years ago. I couldn’t quite believe that it was such a long time ago, especially since I hadn’t been properly home in ten years.

I had gone to beauty school and studied to be a make up artist, which eventually led to me getting a job in New York, meaning I had to move away from my friends and family. I still visited of course, but mostly only on the holidays or special occasions such as birthdays. Not that my parents minded, they were happy that I had followed my dreams and decided to take a chance on something that made me happy.

My friends came to visit occasionally, Melissa and Kate. We had been friends since we were in pre-school and were still as close to this day, even if they did still live in California. The last couple of years hadn't been the same, Melissa had gotten hitched (which I was chief bridesmaid at) and Kate had recently given birth to a beautiful baby boy, and here I was, 34 and still single.

Don’t get me wrong, I had tried to find love but I was fussy. Although when they probed me about my love life I always used the same excuse of being busy. We all knew it was a lie but playing along with it made life easier.

I had lost touch with some people of the years, much of it being my own doing. I had a group of guy friends from home Brian, Matt, Zack, Johnny and Jimmy but I hadn't been close to them for a while, in fact the last time I saw any of them was at Jimmy’s funeral, and even that had been hard to attend.

Matt and the guys, apart from one had tried to reach out to me on multiple occasions. Although most of the time I would come up with some lame excuse as to why I couldn't meet them for a catch up. They would get frustrated and I wouldn’t hear from any of them for a while, but sure enough they would eventually drop me a text or call to see how I was doing.

Everyone apart from one person, whom I was still mad at. In fact, in hindsight I was still furious because he left me, left me to be alone whilst he lived it large for months at a time. Even his dad had tried to contact me at one point, practically begging me to forgive his son, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. He broke my heart without ever knowing he had. It hurt me even worse than the times he’d brought girls to meet the group or called me ‘pal’ as he casually groped them in front of me.

Brian Haner Jr was my best friend, and we had not spoken a single word to each other in ten years. Don’t get me wrong I had thought about reaching out to them, but after doing some research of my own, I realised they had moved on with their lives and it was just a mere memory.

You have got to love the times we live in, I can basically look up anyone and stalk them on the internet all thanks to social media. The guys were successful, had kids and were married. How could I go back there and face them after all this time and have nothing to show for it?

Don’t get me wrong I had relationships and went on dates but I just couldn’t seem to click with anyone properly. It would go well for a couple of months and then it would either fizzle out or we would end up seeing other people.

Melissa and Kate had also tried to set me up me with a friend of a friend on multiple occasions but again, not my type. One person always seemed to be a nagging ebb at the back of my mind every time I tried to describe my ‘type’ and I didn’t want to seem creepy by tarnishing the memories I had by trying to replace him.

I was going to have to face them soon, I had booked my flight back home and no doubt my parents would have let slip that I was coming home.

Now or never Emily.