Feel My Memories Fade

I bolted upstairs and threw myself onto the bed. The door slammed behind me causing me to flinch in complete embarrassment. By now, I was a quivering mess, which only made me cry harder. Being upset and letting others see it, to me, it made the situation a whole lot worse.

Not that I could think of any other way to make things worse right now.

I buried my face deep into the mountain of pillows and cushions, cringing as I replayed the scene in my head. There was only one saving grace right now, and that was Zacky. At least he’d come inside with me. It made me feel slightly less stupid because the last time I had an outburst like that, thinking hard, I was maybe about seventeen?

“Aww c’mon hun, that’s enough now.” Zacky whispered sympathetically, making his way over to me. He cautiously joined me on the bed, kicked off his shoes and lay down beside me. I hiccuped and rolled onto my side so that I could see him. My make up probably resembled something from a horror movie right now, but I couldn't bring myself to care about that.

Zacky shot me a half smile and wrapped his strong, tattooed arms around my waist, bringing his face close to mine. I nuzzled my face into his neck, smiling faintly when he ran his hands in small circles on my back.

“You know Em, that was kinda awesome out there just now because if you ask me, Brian’s had that coming for a good while now. The guys aren't mad at you by the way, it just came as a shock when you mentioned about the baby cause I don’t know if knew, but Brian never actually told anyone about it. I only knew cause we’re best buddies.”

I chose not to reply because if I did, I was sure that it would be the end of me. I knew that I could trust Zack, but still, I wasn't ready for the guys to find out anymore than they already had. Although, I didn’t give a shit if Brian told them or not. That was him problem, not mine, especially as I had nothing to feel bad about.

I lay there with my eyes closed, my head on Zacky’s chest, just enjoying the feeling of his chest rise and fall. He continued to rub my back as we lay there in silence, neither of us feeling the need to say anything. Zack had always been there for me. If there was such a thing as a guardian angel, he was mine. We had been best friends for longer than I cared to remember, and we had been through so much together in the last fifteen years.

We had laughed together, we had cried together, we had loved together. Heck, even at one point we went to the toilet together. Although I must add, that was after a drunken night, and he was also holding my hair back. I did repay the favour with the sick bucket the next morning. Every relationship that came and went, we always sought each other’s approval before making it official with any potential new interests.

“Zack, do you ever think me and Brian will be normal again?”
He sighed and hooked a finger underneath my jaw, bringing my face up to meet his. He searched my eyes for a moment. It was as if he was looking right into my soul, and then, I knew even Zachary Baker couldn’t be the one solve to my problem.

He leaned over the bed, reaching for something. He brought a bottle of water out and offered it to me. I smiled and took it, cracking the lid open. A knock at the door caused me to jump, making Zacky chuckle as he got up to answer it.

“Is she ok?”

I heard a grumbled reply followed by a faint fuck you, and automatically I knew it would be Brian. I tried to rub the excess eyeliner from under my eyes as I got to my feet, even if I was upset, I wasn’t about to let him get any satisfaction from seeing me in that state. He was stood in the doorway, looking all apologetic, which made me want to slap him.

“I’m fine.” I scowled at him, my arms folded as I stood behind Zack. Brian’s eyes left Zack and immediately found mine. God, if I had a penny for every time I had seen this same scenario. He was doing the look, it was same the look he’d always give me when he pretended to be sorry for generally just being a dick.

“Look pal, why don’t you just leave her alone?” Zack interrupted, his arms either side of the doorway, doubling as a makeshift blockade. Brian narrowed his eyes and scoffed, the look of please forgive had been replaced by his really pissed off face.

He was squaring up to Zack. He looked him dead in the eye, almost willing him to make the first move. I wasn’t about to let them fight because of me so I got in the middle, pushing Brian’s chest away, hoping that he would get the hint.

I took a deep breath and looked up at Brian, my eyes never leaving his. “Zack, it’s fine. Let him in, if I need you, I’ll yell.”

I swore I almost heard Zack growl. He stood there defiantly for a few moments, before he huffed loudly and threw his hands up. He looked at me. “Fuck, fine! But if he tries anything call me straight away?”

I nodded, moving to the side so I could let him out. Brian shot me a thankful smile as he came into the room, closing the door behind. The atmosphere changed instantly as soon as that door was shut. You could cut the tension with a spoon, fuck the fork.

“Emily, I know you don’t want to speak but please, just hear me out?”