Drowning

My hands splash frantically, water droplets cascading around me as I struggle to draw a breath. I taste salt and wretch, my head dipping briefly below the water. My legs involuntarily kick, and I feel the warm air kiss my face. It’s humid; I barely register the fact that I am breathing before I find myself submerged again.
I feel myself tiring. Each gasp is weaker than the last, as though even my lungs know that my efforts are futile. Yet still my body struggles, a primal urge from within taking over. I imagine my muscles springing into action, declaring the situation an emergency, an internal siren ripping through my bloodstream and gathering my last reserves.
The rope is cutting into my ankle. I imagine the coarse strands pressing against my skin, each thread like a bolt of electricity. It holds me in a death grip; unrelenting, merciless.
I accept my fate. I am ready to let go.
My body doesn’t listen. Still it fights against the inevitable, desperation overriding logic. Waves overcome me, teasing me in the lulls with bursts of glorious oxygen. It is enough to keep me alive, albeit barely hanging on, hopeful despite the odds stacked against me.
I close my eyes for a second and suddenly I’m floating down, the rope pulling me towards the seabed. My body convulses; my eyes spring open and I open my mouth to scream. Black water rushes in, attacking my airways and filling my lungs and stomach. I see bubbles escape in an endless stream.
The rope tugs me deeper, away from the fading sunlight.
For the first time in a long while, I feel at peace.

A loud beeping noise wakes me, and I open my eyes groggily. Seeing nothing but a white light, I strain to remember where I am. Should I be running from something? My heart begins to race and my head fills with a dull pounding that I recognise as the onset of a panic attack.
‘…very suggestible. She definitely has an over-active imagination…’
‘…can’t reach her…’
‘…new approach gone wrong…’
Words drift in and out of my consciousness. Memories hover tantalisingly close.
‘…and did her finger just move?’
‘She was kicking earlier.’
My eyes begin to focus. Silhouettes appear in my peripheral vision and I turn my head. There’s something written in a large font next to me. I concentrate on the black letters.
D…R…M…U…L…L…E…R…
I am hit by a whirlwind of emotion and pain. It surrounds me; I push back against the barrage of reality until it recedes into the far corners of my mind, leaving behind nothing but a bright, white light. The letters fade alongside my vision and I retreat into myself.
‘…like a coma…’
‘…stuck in her own mind…’

The noise fades. I am distinctly aware of something clasped tightly around my left leg. I swallow saliva and taste salt.
I’m consumed by water and sinking, sinking, sinking.
I’m at peace.