Someone Lost, Something Gained

Niall walks through the front door at five o’clock on the dot. He sets a large gift bag on the floor by the tree then heads up the stairs to change out of his scrubs, barely waving at Hattie as he goes. Veda exchanges a look with her cousin but waits for her boyfriend to join them in the living room.

Hattie is the first to speak once he’s sat on the couch next to Veda. “So I know most people do, like, food before presents, but I’m impatient. We’re doing gifts first, and if you don’t like it, you can kiss my ass.”

Niall shakes his head, chuckling under his breath, and accepts the wrapped present from Hattie. He passes over a box for her. Veda inhales slowly, the gifts for him resting at her feet. Why did she choose what she had?

Unfortunately, Niall turns to her too soon. She blows out a breath and hands him the bag with the sweater then the frame that holds his second present. Her breath hitches as he passes over something long and thin and a smaller box. He leans over to kiss her cheek and gestures for her to open it.

“What the—”

Niall’s eyes gleam in the evening sunlight coming from the front window. “Like it?”

“Niall…” She averts her gaze back down to the necklace nestled inside the velvet box. “It’s -it’s gorgeous.”

And it is. A pendant in the shape of the North Star, dotted with tiny blue gems at the end of each point. Nearly as beautiful a blue as his eyes. She swallows down the tears and meets his gaze.

“Thank you. I love it.”

“That’s not all.”

She exhales unsteadily and reaches for the smaller box. A small voice in her head screams a hope that it isn’t what she thinks it is. She doesn’t think she could handle it. She also wishes it is.

The earrings are just as beautiful as the necklace. One is a half-moon lined with the same blue gems, the other a sun surrounded by yellow sapphires. Her heart sinks, but she shoves aside the disappointment to appreciate what he’s done. The jewellery is stunning, perfect for her, and she can’t wait to wear them.

Niall seems to be reading her mind. He pulls the necklace from its box, moving to sit behind her, and she closes her eyes as he does up the clasp. She puts the earrings on herself, replacing the plain studs she’s worn for years with the ones that Niall obviously spent time choosing.

“I love you,” she whispers before turning to kiss him. “It’s… it’s your turn now. I’m sorry that they’re not as great as what you got me.”

“I’m sure they’re amazing, love.”

A smile tugs at his lips as he opens the bag and pulls out the sweater. He immediately tugs it on over his head, smooths his hands down the front. Veda loves how expressive he is. How he wears his emotions on his face. That she can read him like a book.

“What’s this?” he asks once he’s torn the wrapping off the frame.

“It’s, um, it’s a map of the stars over LAX the night we met, around the time you gave me your jacket because you thought I ‘looked cold’. It’s where our story started, even if I hadn’t realised it at the time.”

When he looks at her, she can’t read him. Her palms have gone clammy, and she swipes them along her tights. It does nothing to alleviate the dampness. Veda glances at Hattie, who is absolutely no help in deciphering him.

“I thought you said these weren’t as good as the presents I got you.”

“They’re—”

“They’re amazing. Ve-Veda, they’re perfect. I love them.”

Hattie grins and rises to her feet. “I’m gonna go upstairs and call my boyfriend so you two can be gross together.”

Thankfully, Niall misses the pointed look Hattie gives Veda before she goes. Veda reaches for his hands once Hattie’s door closes. His fingers fit so comfortably with hers. As if the myth was true - that people were split in two and destined to roam the earth in search of their other half. Their soulmate. Veda is certain she’s found hers.

“I, um, I know I said I love you already. Just, just remember that, okay? I love you so much, it hurts.”

He frowns and looks down at their hands. “Are you trying to break up with me?”

“No. Absolutely not. We both agreed. No breaking up. Besides, if I wanted to do that, why the Hell would I do it on Christmas? I’m not the fucking Grinch.”

“It’s not Christmas yet.”

“It’s our Christmas, so good enough. Now can I continue, or should we keep finding various tangents?”

“I’m sorry. Please go on,” he laughs as he kisses her knuckles.

“Well, as I said, I love you. Like, a lot. A disgusting amount. What the Hell are you doing to me, Horan? I was fine before you came along. I did my job. I came home and took care of Granddad. Sure, I went to bed with an ache in my heart that I could never recognise.

“Then you entered my life, and I’ve never been the same. You brightened up my life with more colour than I ever thought possible. I fell in love with you, and I would never change that. Anyway. I was, uh, I was wondering if you’d move in with me. You and DB.”

Niall stares at her without speaking. Without blinking. Veda isn’t sure he’s even breathing still. Finally, he whispers, “Are you serious?”

“Absolutely.” Veda nods and squeezes his fingers. “I just… I love you. And I hate coming home and not having you here. Even when we work different shifts, I’d still be able to see you for five seconds before I fall asleep. It sucks, sleeping alone. Damn it, I’ve grown accustomed to you in my bed. So… yeah, move in with me. Please?”

“Can, can I think about this?”

Veda struggles to not let the pain show on her face. She assumed there would be some hesitation on his part. It’s an enormous shift in the relationship. But it still hurts to hear him be so reluctant. Uncertain. She swallows against the tears that threaten to spill over.

“Uh, yeah. Sure. Take your time.” She ducks her head, hoping he hasn’t seen her burning cheeks. “Am I allowed to ask what you need to think about? Because if it’s whether it’ll bother Hattie by living here, you don’t need to worry. You’re already here most days anyway, even when I’m not.”

He sighs, but she refuses to meet his eye. She can’t bear to see the beginning of rejection. “She’s okay with this?”

“She told me if I didn’t ask, she would.”

“Look, Veda, I love you. I really do. You fit so well into my life, no matter how many times I can’t give you the attention you deserve. But we, we haven’t even talked about what we want for the future.”

“Like what?”

Niall hooks a finger under her chin, nudging her face up until she’s looking at him. Pain flickers behind his eyes, and she almost believes that he feels bad about declining. Almost.

“Like, do you want to get married? Have kids? Move to Mars and start a civilisation there?” He uses his thumb to brush a tear from her cheek. “These are important things, and we’ve completely sidestepped the conversations this entire time.”

Her heart thunders in her chest. Can he hear it? Swallowing harshly, she pushes her hair out of her face and stares at a spot over his shoulder. He’s right. They should have had this discussion in the beginning, before the feelings she had for him grew into love. Before he became so integral to her life that existing without him is impossible.

“Okay. Well, I have always had an open mind toward marriage. The only healthy marriage I’ve ever witnessed had been Mom-Mom and Granddad. I want a marriage like that. Even after my own childhood, I want kids. Two or three, but I’ll settle for one if that’s what you want. I want to be a better mother than Olivia ever was.”

He opens his mouth to speak, most likely to tell her to slow down, she’s speaking far too fast. But he has to know this. She needs to convince him that whatever he wants, she wants it, too. Unless it’s going their separate ways, she wants everything he wants. She draws in a steadying breath and talks over whatever he tries to say.

“I want to be a damn good wife, your wife. I want to come home to you every single day of the rest of my life, of your life. As for Mars, fuck that. I’m not colonising a planet we’re not entirely sure is devoid of life. I don’t wanna be Columbus or somethin’,” she mutters, nose scrunching up with disgust. Columbus is awful.

Niall laughs, curving his hand around the back of her neck, and pulls her in to press their foreheads together. “Your mind works in incredibly odd ways. I love it.”

“But it got you to smile, so I consider it a win.” Her amusement fades abruptly. “Look, I get it. I do. These are very important questions. I just needed to know why you were hesitating.”

“I’m sorry. I just—”

Veda shakes her head and raises a hand, covering his mouth. “Please don’t. You have every right to your reservations. Just know I’m here when you wanna talk about them.”

“Thanks, Ve-Veda.”

“So… do you? Want marriage and kids and Mars, I mean.” She chews on her lower lip, impatient to hear his answer. Tension bleeds into her body, and she wants to get up and walk away. The wait is too much.

What if their desires aren’t compatible? God, if he tells her he doesn’t want any of that, what would she do? Could she handle it?

His grip tightens around her neck, dragging her from her thoughts. “I want to be the best husband who has ever husbanded for you, and I want to be a proud father. We can discuss how many kids we want later. As for Mars, you’re right. We shouldn’t strive to be like Columbus.”

Veda gasps with the tears that slip free, and she tugs him in for a kiss. His tongue tastes like hot chocolate and peppermint and everything that makes him who he is. I want to be the best husband for you. ‘For you’. Her brain echoes his words on a loop, each repetition spiralling joy through her veins.

“So, I have one question,” she murmurs, and Niall pulls back to raise a brow. “How do you feel about having our own personal baseball team?”

“I am completely okay with the practice, but… Maybe not those specific results.”

“Practice it is.”

Veda laughs with him, kisses him. She pulls on him until he’s settled over her. His weight is comfortable, a line of warmth that she cherishes. When they separate, Niall brushes his lips against her cheek then slips into the space between her and the back of the couch.

She can’t breathe with the tightness in her chest - something unrelated to any fears she had in the beginning of the night. It’s knowing that he wants her just as much, wondering if she can always make him this happy. She wants to make Maura proud of her son and his relationship. She wants to be the kind of daughter-in-law that Maura is ecstatic to introduce to friends.

“Can I come down now? I need to know if we have a roommate, and I don’t wanna walk in on anything nasty.”

Niall chuckles and tells Hattie nothing gross is happening. Hattie barrels down the stairs, bottom lip sucked between her teeth. She stands on the last step, tucking her hands into her pockets, and stares at them. Veda runs her fingers through Niall’s hair.

“I think he’s gonna think about it.”

Niall hums low in his throat and drapes his arm over her waist. “Don’t need to. We talked about the things I was worried about. I’ll call the lads tomorrow.”

“Are you serious?” Hattie shrieks before bouncing on the balls of her feet.

Veda grins, rolling her eyes. Niall’s fingers ghost along her side, his lips press to her collarbone. This is exactly what she hoped for, against her better judgement. As terrified as she was, she is thankful that she took the risk.

The necklace and earrings are absolutely gorgeous, but this is the better of the Christmas presents.

How could she want anything more? He’s saved her from herself. From falling into the trap of her family without Granddad there to pull her from the fire. From losing herself in the nebulous deep after Granddad passed.

“So. I couldn’t help but overhear.” Hattie taps her chin with one finger, an exaggerated face of concentration. “Does this mean you two are pre-pre-pre-engaged?”

Veda laughs and shouts “You annoying little snoop!” right as Niall shrugs, saying “Looks like we are.”

“Cool. Welcome to the family, buckaroo. Run while you can.”

Veda groans and lobs the box from her earrings at her cousin. “Go beg your boyfriend to take you to bed already and stay out of my relationship.”

“First, that’s my Christmas present. Second, don’t you mean your pre-pre-pre-engagement?”

It’s only because of the stress and rollercoaster of emotions during the day that Veda doesn’t notice at first. She’s so far lost in the whole notion of ‘pre-pre-pre-engagement’ that she misses Hattie’s quick steps toward the door. She definitely notices when the doorknob squeaks. Bolting upright, she scowls.

“Henrietta Joan, don’t you dare!”

Niall sits up and wraps his arms around her waist, keeping her next to him. Preventing her from committing murder. Sneaky jerk he is, he’s taken Hattie’s side. It’s unfair. Hattie beams and throws the door open. She screeches at the snow under her bare feet, but then she’s shouting for the whole world to hear:

“It’s a fucking Christmas miracle, everybody! Veda and Niall are pre-pre-pre-engaged!”

The street fills with the sound of people shouting, and Hattie repeats herself until Veda can hear every neighbour cheering. She meets Niall’s eyes and sighs.

“I’ll completely understand if you wanna get out while you have the chance.”

“And miss the entertainment that comes with loving you? Not in my worst nightmare, darling.”

Veda giggles and pulls him closer. She loses herself in the heat, the taste, the feel of him blanketing her on the couch. Her hands slip around his back, press against his shoulders, and he doesn’t hesitate to settle in over her.

“Oh, that’s gross!” Hattie whines - obviously, she’s seen the position Veda and Niall are in. “I’m telling Nonna.”

Veda huffs out a laugh, pushing against Niall’s shoulders. Her pre-pre-pre-fiance. Her future husband. “Merry Christmas, my love.”

“Happy Christmas, and a happy one it is.”

As he kisses away any words she may try to speak, Veda can’t help but think Hattie was right: This is the biggest Christmas miracle of Veda’s life. It pains her to admit it, but it wouldn’t have come to her if Granddad never passed. Without his declining health, Veda never would have been in LAX that March night, and she would have missed out on the most wonderful man she’ll ever know.

The twinge in her chest is drowned out by the love and joy that Niall has brought to her life.