A Step Forward

This year, I learned: to lose, to value, to be grateful, to forgive, to let go. That some things matter, while others don’t. that the things that matter the most aren’t the tangible ones. That it’s better to take a moment and be kind to your loved ones, be present in their lives, rather than spending inhumane hours outside of your home, working your butt off in a place you don’t like to bring a few dollars to the table that are gone faster than they’re acquired. That time is priceless; our lives, finite, and love, everlasting.

I learned that sometimes you have to try something just for the sake of trying, and if it doesn’t work out, you have to let go and that’s okay. Your mental health is more important than holding onto something that will bring you no joy in life. I learned that you don’t have to wait for a certain thing in order to be happy: don’t have to wait till you graduate, till you get your dream job, till you marry, till you move to a different place, till you have kids. The moment to live life at its fullest it’s now; there’s no waiting for that “finally” moment, because it will never truly come, not really. We are taught, as children, that there’s a certain path we must follow, and numbered goals to achieve, and a certain age for each one, and our happily ever after, like in the movies, will come much later. So we keep waiting, and feeling inadequate when the moment isn’t the ideal one we envisioned.

I learned that the moment isn’t ever quite right, that there are always mishaps, setbacks, bumps on the road. Those are the moments life is made of, because those are the spontaneous ways we sometimes are presented with things, with opportunities. I learned that each year that passes, decisions are harder to make; it used to be so easy for me to make a choice, and now I think it thrice, because the consequences are much greater. I learned, that as hard as those decisions are to make, if something isn’t making you happy, if it’s making you miserable, if it’s not serving its purpose and it’s taking the life out of you, you should quit it, no matter what. No matter when. Nothing is worth your suffering and silent despair. In the end, it never is worth it, and you’ll only be left with regret.

I learned that you need to think things at least twice, but no more than three times, because it then turns into a loop you can’t escape out of. That you need to have a back-up plan for your own safety, but sometimes you have to take risks in order to move forwards. I learned that you’re never wrong in searching for that which makes you happy, that fills you with purpose and drives you to evolve. That you need to get better every day, and learn different skills than just the one that is useful for your job. That you don’t always have to rely on needing just one thing, that you should ask for help and not be afraid of receiving it. That you need to treat people good, and with kindness, but not let them treat you badly just because they can. That if there’s an injustice happening before your eyes, you should stand up for it, instead of keeping silent like everyone around you just so that you can fit in better and do not receive criticism for fighting for what’s right. That it should not matter to you what others say about you when you know you’re doing a good thing.

I learned that the truth hurts, that life is hard, that pain is more intense when it’s not physical, than it sucks so bad to be let down when your last hope for something didn’t meet your expectations, when your dreams turn into horrid nightmares by those around you. But I also learned that there’s always room for second chances, for other opportunities, for more friends, for rediscovering lovers, for reconnecting with family. That you don’t only fight once in life to achieve something; that sometimes it takes multiple times, that achieving it isn’t the end of the road, because you can easily lose it, and so you have to keep fighting to keep it, to improve it. to protect it, to protect yourself.

I learned that you need to take care of yourself, that it isn’t selfish to want to feel good and enjoy things too, that you should read more and hurt less, watch movies, discuss new discoveries with others, debate, share opinions, improve. That if you need to take a break, and you have the chance to, you should take it. that you should talk more with your family, get to know each other as people, and know where each of you stand, because they’re the only precious thing that you will have at the end of this life. That family is who you choose them to be, and that you’re not obliged to keep contact with someone who’s damaged you deeply only because you share the same blood. That a friendship or relationship of eight months can be just as, if not more intense, that one of eight years. That time doesn’t mean anything when it comes to love.

I learned that you need to enjoy life at its fullest, as much as you can with what little you have, because you never know when the last day might be. that you should not take things for granted because it only brings you regret and resentment, that you need to value the people in your life more, the things that you have, the little moments you share. That you should always appreciate a kind gesture, acknowledge it and be thankful for it. That you shouldn’t assume words aren’t always necessary, because sometimes they are. That some people need to hear they are loved more often, that some need more understanding in their hesitation to do things, because everything has an explanation; that behind a person’s way of being there’s a story. That assuming is the worst mistake of humankind. That we shouldn’t judge too fast or dismiss too hard. That we should strive for justice instead of equality, for harsh truths instead of protective half-lies, for pain relief instead of prolonged suffering, for happiness instead of soul-numbing commitments.

I learned that I needed to take care of myself, because I was slipping away and losing the love for my calling, for that which once brought me joy, others had tainted to the point of destruction. Because I still need to spend more time with my family, even though I have already, because my time with them is precious, and that I needed to be more present and less neglectful. And finally, that I needed to stop and rearrange my life around, because I found myself one day thinking “I am unhappy, I don’t feel good”, and that’s not at all what anyone must be feeling. That a name isn’t worth it, nor is it the fear of what others might think when they want to watch you fail. It is me who matters, who feels and breathes in this life of mine, that my choices are my own and no one else’s, and that I need to forgive myself in order to move forwards. And enjoy the journey while I’m at it.

I stopped fearing of what anyone might say about me realizing these things, because, abstractly, everyone seems to know them; that they should be general knowledge, and one other person repeating them doesn’t make it any more valid. But I didn’t come to the realization of what they truly meant until now, and so I stopped being afraid and decided to share.