The Rhythm of Our Broken Hearts (Andy/Matt)

Chapter Ten: Desperation Before I Hit the Ground

Matt woke up to someone screaming. It sounded like it was coming from the front lounge. although he couldn’t quite make out what was being said. He could clearly hear Andy; his normally deep and calm voice was higher pitched and raw with emotion. The other voice was harder to hear, whoever it was wasn’t yelling nearly as loud as Andy. What the fuck was going on?

The guitarist looked at his phone, it was a little past noon. For most people that would be considered waking up late, but for life on the road that was fairly early, and way too early for whatever was going on upfront. A sudden crash and shattering of glass caused the man to jump out of bed, throwing the door to the back room open.

“Whoa- hey, you don’t want to go up there right now, man.” CC put his hands out, stopping Matt.

“Dude what the fuck is going on?!” Matt demanded, trying to push past the drummer.

“Fucking throw something at me again, Six. I swear to god I’ll knock your teeth out” Ashley yelled loud enough for Matt to put two and two together.

“It’s fucking Andy and Ash going after each other again. Trust me, you don’t want to get between them. It’s bad.” Jake answered, peeking his head out of his bunk.

Andy hurled the empty wine bottle at Ashley’s head, barely missing the bassist as it shattered upon impact with the ground. The fucking nerve of him; Andy had just gone upfront to get some pain killers for his hangover and Ash had launched into it with him. Apparently, he was fed up over Matt being on the bus and had been trying to get John to kick him off. Andy had walked in on their conversation which quickly ignited into the two of them screaming at each other.

According to Ashley, ‘non-members’ shouldn’t be allowed to stay on the bus, well he had actually referred to it as his bus. Andy knew better than to believe the bullshit, Ash just wanted Matt off the bus because he knew it would upset him. The man was hellbent on ruining anything good that came the singer’s way it felt.

So much of Andy’s anxiety and anger was the result of the man standing in front of him, pointing his finger and hurling insults his way. He had trusted Ashley, he was naive and willing to believe anyone who told him they would help him. At first, things seemed like they would work out, sure Ashley was a bit of a deviant, but Andy considered him a friend. He thought the older man had his best interest at heart, that he knew best and so he didn’t question things when Ash proposed a business agreement.

Over the past few months, it had started to become clearer, Ashley was only in it for himself. He’d trapped Andy and he didn’t plan on letting him out. He’d taken all of the singer’s control over his own destiny and shackled them together.

“Oh yeah, what are you going to do about it, old man?” Andy antagonized the bassist, narrowing his eyes at the man.

“I’m gonna kick your little boyfriend off the bus.” Ashley shot back just as Matt pushed the curtains to the front lounge open.

The guitarist looked between Andy and Ashley, noticing how tense the scene was. Andy had his fists balled up like he was ready to deck Ash; Matt wasn’t sure if he should stop him.

Andy’s jaw dropped at the bassist’s comment, his cheeks going red. “Oh fuck off, you’re just mad because you don’t actually have any friends you fucking coke head.”

Matt stepped forward, ready to grab Andy if things suddenly turned violent. He didn’t know if it was better to let the two shout it out or to stop them before feelings got hurt. He still wasn’t entirely sure what the argument was even about, but apparently it involved him.
“That’s rich coming from an anorexic alcoholic-” Andy’s fist collided with the bassist’s jaw before he could get the rest of his insult out, causing the man to stagger back a bit before realizing what happened.

“Fucking bitch-” Ashley growled, holding where Andy had hit him.

John tried to grab the bassist, but Ash was too quick, lunging at the singer before his manager could stop him. He managed to land a punch to the younger man’s cheek, making Andy cry out in pain when his fist hit. Ash recoiled, ready to hit him again, but before he could Matt and John were on him. The two of them were able to restrain him just as the other guys burst through the doorway.

“What the fuck is going on?” Jake boomed, looking over at Andy who was cursing and holding the side of his face, blood dripping from his lips.

“Lay another hand on him and I promise you it’ll be the last thing you do,” Matt growled at Ash, who was still trying to fight his way out of the two men’s grasps.

“That’s enough out of everyone!” John yelled, managing to get Ashely to calm down enough that they could let go of him, “Everyone chill the fuck out, got it?”

“Fuck this! I’m done, pull the fucking bus over!” Andy screamed, wiping the blood from his lips.

Matt turned his attention to the wounded singer, blocking his path towards the bassist as John tried to pull Ashley into the back to separate them. There was no calming the younger man down, and he was actually a lot stronger than Matt thought as he tried to push past the guitarist.

“Andy, stop, he’s not worth it.”
“No! Get the fuck off of me! Pull the fucking bus over! I fucking done with this!” Andy yelled again.

The driver, having had enough of the screaming apparently, pulled the bus over at a rest stop off the highway. The breaks screeched to a halt before the bus doors flung open. CC tried to step between Andy and the door, begging him to just sit down and take some deep breaths. It was no use; Andy didn’t even acknowledge him as he stormed off the bus and into the parking lot.

“Dude what the fuck, the venue’s not more than an hour away, and sound check is in a few hours!” CC groaned, pushing his hair back in frustration.

“Fuck, look don’t worry, I’ll call my driver and tell him to pick us up. I’ll get him to the venue. Just- shit, just don’t worry” Matt stammered before running after the hysterical singer, leaving a stunned CC in the wake.

“Andy, stop- Andy, please just slow down,” The guitarist pleaded; it was too early for this much physical exertion he thought to himself as he tried to catch up with the younger man.

Andy didn’t even know where he was going, all he knew was the farther away he was from that fucking man the better. The tightness in his chest was threatening to make him stop, breathing becoming harder as he tried to push forward. He could still taste blood, although he wasn’t sure where it was coming from.

He could hear Matt calling behind him, pleading with him to ‘just calm down’. Whatever, so what if everyone thought he was being dramatic or overreacting. The younger man couldn’t take it anymore, he could feel the mask of perfection starting to crack. It felt like the world was crashing down around him, it had been building up for so long and now he couldn’t hold it back. This wasn’t how his life was supposed to be, this wasn’t what he’d abandoned his old life for. All the things that haunted him; he had left them all in Ohio. This was supposed to be his chance at a new life free from all the fucking bullies and assholes who tortured him as a kid.

Instead, it felt like he had just traded the old ghosts for new ones. There was no one who could save him. His mind kept spiraling, unable to stop.

“Andy!” Matt exclaimed, finally catching up to the singer, grabbing him from behind.

The parking lot of the rest stop was abandoned except for them and one lone eighteen-wheeler. Matt looked around; Andy had made it almost back to the highway. Matt shuttered to think what his plan was, where exactly he intended on going.

“Let go of me, don’t fucking touch me,” Andy growled, trying to break free of the guitarist’s hold on him.

“Andy, Jesus fucking Christ! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Matt let go of the singer, sensing he was fighting a losing battle.

“I don’t deserve to have to deal with this shit. That’s my fucking band, and he has the nerve to hit me?!” Andy’s hands were shaking as he yelled, the anger and hate consuming him.

Matt didn’t mention that it had been Andy who hit the older man first, but Ash had it coming. The singer had gotten a pretty good punch in at least. Matt could sense that there was more to it than just the one argument. He knew most of the history Ash and Andy had together as far as the bassist basically tricking the younger man into a business agreement. How it ate Andy alive to know that he couldn’t undo his mistake no matter how hard he tried, but even so, this seemed like more, this seemed like a break.

“Of course, you don’t, Andy. Look, I can call my bus driver and he can pick us up, and I’ll talk to Craig and the guys about you staying on our bus or something-”
“I’m not getting on any bus, I’m done. With all of it!” Andy cut the older man off.

Matt looked at the singer, bewildered that he could even say something like that. He’d worked his whole life to get to where he was at and he was finally making a name for himself, it was very unlike the kid to quit. Sure, he’d only known Andy for a year, but he’d never met someone so determined and full of passion before. It was one of the things he liked most about him.

“Come on… you’re not seriously considering that are you?”
“Why not? Nothing I ever do is good enough! Fuck! I’m so tired of this shit. I feel like I can’t even breathe without someone criticizing me for it!” Andy yelled, starting to pace back and forth.

The older man knew the feeling Andy was talking about, everyone who had the privilege of even remotely ‘making it’ knew that feeling. It was overwhelming; the pressure, the fans, the demands, the exhaustion… You either learned how to cope with it or you sunk, and Matt was afraid that was what he was watching happen.

Before Matt could try and say something to walk the singer back from the ledge he was threatening to fall off, Andy let out a piercing scream. The agony in his voice was raw, and it shattered the guitarist’s heart to hear. The older man winced at the sound, not knowing what to do. He just stood there, powerless to help as Andy broke down. All he could do was watch.

The singer bent over, covering his face with his hands, each audible breath he took felt like daggers in his chest. His chest ached like it was collapsing in, he was losing his grip on sanity and he could feel it. Within an instant, protective arms were around him as Matt pulled him into an embrace. Andy’s whole body shook as he gasped for air between sobs, desperately holding onto the guitarist’s shirt.

Matt felt tears prick at his own eyes, his heart broke for the man in his arms. “I love you so much… Andy, please… let me help you.”

The younger man’s heart skipped a beat at the words. I love you, three words he never thought he’d hear another person say to him. Three words that he wasn’t sure he even wanted to hear someone say. It was different than saying ‘I’m falling in love with you’, or even ‘love you’. It was a declaration, a promise. It kept him from falling into the abyss, even if just for the moment.

“You love me?” Andy pulled back a bit, looking up at the guitarist, searching for anything in his face that might indicate he wasn’t sincere.

“Yes… isn’t it obvious?” Matt asked, smiling softly.

“But why?” Andy couldn’t understand, he’d hadn’t exactly been the greatest over the past couple of weeks.

“Because I do. You’re my favorite person in the world. You’re my best friend… and I fell in love with you…” Matt brushed a lock of hair out of the man’s face, the tears falling down Andy’s cheeks not taking away from his beauty.

Andy opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by the sound of a horn blaring through the parking lot. Matt’s bus pulled up beside the pair, coming to a halt just feet away from them. John must have called their manager; had to make sure the show went on…

The doors opened and Matt’s manager was standing in the entrance, not looking very amused at having to take the detour to retrieve them. “Get on the bus, it’s not up for discussion.”

The guitarist gave him a sheepish smile, knowing he would probably hear it later on about how he wasn’t going to be putting up with any drama. Luckily, Andy didn’t put up a fight, at least momentarily having come to his senses that he didn’t want to hike along the highway. The two boarded the bus, the doors shutting behind them as the driver cranked the engine back up.

“Come on, we can go to the lounge in the back,” Matt suggested, mentally cursing the driver for pulling up right before Andy had a chance to reply.

He hadn’t planned on telling the singer he loved him, at least not yet. Call him old fashion, but he wanted to wait a little longer, for a more special moment. The words meant something to him. He wasn’t an immature teenager anymore who just threw them around to get laid. It had just come out, but it was sincere. Andy needed to hear those words. If it took the other man longer to say it back, if he said it back at all, so be it. Andy had said he was falling in love but was he there yet? Matt figured he’d have to wait longer to find out.

“Can we bring alcohol back there? I need a fucking drink.” Andy sighed, rubbing where Ashley had hit him.

The older man hesitated if he said yes, he was only enabling the singer, but he also just wanted to keep the peace and get Andy to the show. It was a battle for another day he decided, grabbing a bottle of red wine from the liquor cabinet and motioning towards the back.