The Rhythm of Our Broken Hearts (Andy/Matt)

Chapter Fifteen: Ohio Is for Lovers

Andy chewed at his lip ring nervously. The anxiety in his stomach mixed with the moving bus was causing him to feel sick. He let out a shaky breath, trying to force his mind from concocting worst-case scenarios. Try as he might, it didn’t work.

Ohio. There was always apprehension at the thought of playing a show in his home state. While he did enjoy seeing his family, coming home also meant seeing all the people routing for him to fail. At first, he expected the people from his hometown to be proud of him. Wouldn’t they want to celebrate him and his success? He had made something of his life, even after being told ‘pick a new career’ or that he’d never amount to anything. Yet, no one seemed to give a shit.

The radio stations didn’t play his music. The ‘cool’ guys still thought he was a joke. And the people who told him he was crazy for wanting to be a rock star never admitted they were wrong. His parents and grandparents were the only ones in the whole state that seemed to care.

The singer still remembered the first tour they played Ohio. Several kids from his high school that had bullied him came. They flipped him off, screamed slurs at him, and hurled the same insults they’d used in school. Andy knew they wouldn’t miss another chance to bring him down.

“Hey… are you okay?” Matt asked, nudging the younger man’s arm.

Andy snapped out of his daydreaming, looking over at the man, “I’m fine…”

Matt sighed; he knew Andy had been dreading this stop the whole tour. The guitarist had tried to tell him to ignore those assholes, they didn’t matter anymore. At the end of the day, Andy was the one on stage living his dream and they were still stuck in their hometown. The singer had a bad habit of fixating on the negative.

“Listen, you don’t know anything bad is going to happen tonight. No use worrying about it now.” He tried to soothe the boy, stroking the back of his hand.

“It happens every time we play a show here. It’s not going to be any different tonight.” Andy insisted.

“Well, then fuck it. Focus on the fact that your parents are going to take the whole band out to dinner after the show. That means free food for me.” Matt teased, trying to lighten the mood.

Andy rolled his eyes at the comment. Instead of bringing him relief, it only brought up another issue. His parents. Should he tell them about Matt? It was possible they would figure it out for themselves; was that any better? His mom and dad both loved Matt. They had met him the last time they’d toured together, but that was then. Things were different now.

Over the past week, the two had grown even closer. After making the leap of intimacy they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Thanks to Andy’s inability to be quiet both his band and Matt’s had figured it out. Ashley had made some snide comments. But everyone else seemed to be rather unsurprised. It did make Andy nervous though, the more people who knew, the more likely it was to get out.

He wasn't ashamed to be with Matt, quite the opposite. He was afraid of what people would say. People already called him names for the way he looked. What would the fans say? He liked to think most of them would support him. But it also wasn’t lost on him that a lot of his fans were fans because of his looks. If they realized he would never be interested in them, would they stick around?

“Not to put any pressure on you… but are you going to tell your parents? You know, about us.” The older man asked, not sure how Andy would respond.

“I uh… I don’t know…” Andy whispered, unsure of his answer.

He doubted his parents would care; they would be happy as long as he was. It was a big step though. It wasn’t that Matt had never met his parents, he had. Things were different now, ‘meeting the parents’ made things serious.

He clutched at the rosary around his neck; wishing it would give him the comfort it was supposed to bring.

“Yeah, but your parents love me. I think they’ll be happy that you’re happy.” Matt replied.

Matt rubbed calming circles over the singer’s back. He could tell how anxious the man was, and he wished there was something he could say or do to make him feel better. Andy had been doing a lot better over the past week. Maybe it was the high of their honeymoon phase. But he’d kept the drinking to an acceptable level and had actually been eating.

The younger man looked better too. His face didn’t look as sunken in and his skin had a radiant glow to it. He’d been in a better mood and seemed all-around happier. It made Matt’s heart light up with joy. Andy deserved happiness; he’d been in the dark for so long. The older man hoped it would last.

“It’s up to you, babe. I love you no matter what.” Matt kissed the side of Andy’s cheek.

“I love you too.” Andy smiled, leaning his head against the other man’s shoulder.

----

Chris gave his son a quick hug, patting him on the back. “I might be a little biased but that was the best rock show I’ve ever seen. Well done kid.”

“You did great, sweetie.” His mom gushed.

Andy smiled at his parents; his mind still preoccupied with the group of guys he’d gone off on. He’d called it. Several guys from his old school had come to the show, jeering and yelling at him. The singer had tried to ignore the childish behavior, but eventually, it got the best of him. Compared to other shows he’d kept it tame, but many F-bombs had been dropped.

“And fuck those assholes, they wouldn’t know real music if it bit them in the ass.” His dad added, chuckling.

The singer nodded, his heart skipping a beat when Matt walked off his bus. He watched as his parents both greeted him, clueless at how their dynamic had changed.

Matt gave Andy a reassuring smile as the group headed into the Denny’s. It was the only place open late. Post-show meals on tour consisted almost exclusively of breakfast diners, 24/7 convivence stores and the occasional late-night Chinese restaurants. It wasn’t exactly five-star dining, but it would do.

“You boys order whatever you’d like. It’s on us.” Chris announced to the table, taking his seat across from Andy.

“You’re the best Mr. Biersack,” Matt commented, planning to take full advantage of the offer.

Matt took his seat next to Andy who was nervously fidgeting with his nails under the table. He placed his hand over the singer’s, out of view from everyone. Andy was overthinking things, but he still hated seeing him in distress.

“Yes, please. I want you boys fed. I know it’s hard on tour; got to keep your strength up.” Amy added, looking over at her son. The comment was directed at him.

Andy’s eyes met hers. His mom worried about him; he could tell. She had made a comment at the venue that he was looking ‘too skinny’, she’d been looking through photos from previous shows as well. She’d asked him if everything was alright, that she was always there for him if he needed something. He couldn’t tell if she thought he was on drugs, broke, or if she knew.

The singer was grateful that Matt was good at making small talk with his parents. They did seem to like him, maybe it was time to tell them. Not in front of everyone of course, but later, before they had to leave.

The food came quick. Further preoccupying everyone while Andy mulled the idea over in his head. He’d ordered pancakes with a side of bacon, not intending on eating much of either. Even if he wanted too, he was too nervous. His stomach was still doing flips at the thought of telling them, or not telling them a risk upsetting Matt. The older man had left it up to Andy to decide, but the singer knew which option Matt preferred.

Matt glanced over at the younger man, a little disheartened that Andy had barely touched his food. He was quiet; never a good sign.

“So, you didn’t tell us, son, did you ever find your own place in L.A?” his dad asked, switching the subject of conversation.

“Oh… uh, not yet… it’s pretty expensive to rent places out there. No use when we’re always on tour.” Andy had forgotten he told his parents he planned on moving into his own apartment.

They had yet to see the shithole he lived in, but they knew he slept on a mattress at Jake’s apartment. It was his mom who had insisted he work on finding a place he could call his own. Andy didn’t see the point in spending all that money for an apartment he’d be at for a couple of weeks between tours.

“What about you Matt?”

“You know I’ve actually considered trying to find a nice condo or something. Sharing a tiny apartment with a whole bunch of dudes is getting kind of tiresome.” Matt answered, stealing a piece of Andy’s bacon.

“Well, the two of you could be roommates. You’ve been friends for a while now, right?” Amy interjected, causing Andy to almost choke on his drink.

“I wouldn’t be opposed it to… yeah, that would work. Maybe we should look in that when we get back.” Matt smiled at Andy.

Andy’s eyes went wide at the suggestion. Matt couldn’t be serious; it was probably to humor his parents. They had been dating for a few weeks, moving in together was a lot. He wasn’t completely against the idea, but what if they started fighting or things didn’t work out? Things had been good between them, but how long would that last? What if he fucked it up?

“Uh… yeah, we can look around.” Andy replied, trying to sound nonchalant.

Andy kept his eyes on the ground as the group walked out of the restaurant, all laughing and joking. After the conversation about apartments, the rest of the dinner had been uneventful. The nervous feeling in his stomach hadn’t gotten any better. A couple of times he thought he might actually get sick. Thoughts kept swirling in his head. Self-sabotaging doubts that wouldn’t leave him alone.

How could Matt be so calm? He had taken the suggestion to move in together like it was nothing. He was so sure of things; how could he be? In the back of Andy’s mind, he feared that one day the older man would wake up and decided he was done. That he’d be discarded and replaced for someone better.

The rest of the guys had already loaded the bus, leaving him, Matt, and his parents in the parking lot. Matt kept glancing over to him, waiting for him to say something.

“So how have things been on tour so far? Well, I hope.” His mom asked, breaking the silence.

“It’s been fine…” Andy looked down at his boots, chewing at his lip.

Say it. Andy told himself, the look on his parent’s face told him they knew something was up.

“Actually, things have been more than fine lately… um, I found someone that makes me really happy.” The singer took a deep breath, forcing a smile to hide the nervousness.

His mom’s face lit up, excited by the news. “Did you meet her on tour?”

“Uh… kind of. We did meet on tour, I guess.”

Andy’s dad raised an eyebrow, looking between the two men in front of him. He chuckled, starting to see what was going on.

“It's not a girl... it’s… Matt.” Andy braced himself for their reactions. Searching their expressions for any sign of disapproval.

Matt put an arm around Andy, shocked that that singer actually did it. He had half expected him to back out last minute.

“T-That wasn’t why you looked so worried was it? To tell us. Honey, that wonderful. We were so worried about you being all the way out there by yourself.” his mom exclaimed, pulling Andy into a hug.

“I’m happy for you kid, you know we love Matt,” Chris added, giving the guitarist a pat on the back.

Andy let out a sigh of relief, the weight lifting off his shoulders. He smiled; this time genuine.

The singer’s anxiety seemed to vanish as he opened up, joking around and laughing with his parents. Matt chuckled as Andy told some of the more ‘PG’ tour stories, happy to see him enjoying himself. It came time to say their goodbyes; it was well past midnight and almost bus call.

Andy hugged his parents. Waving as their car pulled out of the parking lot before turning to the guitarist. Matt ducked down, pecking his lips. “See, told you they love me. You were worrying over nothing.”

“Yeah… I guess I was.” Andy brushed his hair back, fluffing it.

Should he bring up the comment about moving in together? Matt hadn’t meant it as in now, right? Maybe eventually, but not now. Things were still new. They still had things to figure out about each other. Living together on tour wasn’t the same as living together back home. He should ask him; it would put his mind at ease. Matt had said that to humor his parents Andy told himself.

Andy cleared his throat, trying to come up with the best way of broaching the subject. “You uh, didn’t tell me you’re planning on moving into your own place…”

Great job, real subtle. Andy could feel his heart racing in his chest. Matt tucked his hands into his pockets, laughing nervously. Fuck.

“Yeah… why not? It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while…” the older man trailed off.

“It would be kind of nice to have a place of your own. And whenever I stay the night, we’ll have the whole place to ourselves.” Andy deliberately put emphasis on ‘stay the night’. Hoping it would elicit a response from the other man.

Matt hesitated, sensing that Andy hadn’t taken his earlier remarks as serious. “I doubt I could afford a place on my own, I’d have to have a roommate…”

“Oh, well that’s fine... we can be quiet.”

“One, you don’t have the ability to be quiet. Second…” The guitarist rubbed the back of his neck, “that’s not exactly what I have in mind.”

Matt took Andy’s hand in his, pulling him closer. “Move in with me… just us.”

Andy’s heart skipped a beat, panicking to come up with an answer. If he told Matt no or waiver on his response it would crush the man. He opened his mouth, but his words failed him.

“You want me to move in with you?”

“You don’t have to, of course. I know it’s kind of fast or whatever, but it’s not like we weren’t already best friends.” Matt was starting to regret asking the singer, Andy seemed a bit timid.

Matt wanted to live together. What did that mean? If they moved into the same place, what was the next step… marriage? No, no, no, no, it’s way too early for that. Andy wasn’t sure he even wanted to get married, to anyone. What was the alternative, breaking up? He didn’t want that.

“Shit… forget I mentioned it… it’s uh, it was just an idea.” Matt tried to backtrack, sensing he wasn’t going to like the man’s response.

“No, Matt-” Andy tripped over his words, his heart taking over for his brain. “Yes, I’ll move in with you…” The euphoria of the moment overcame his doubts and concerns. A rush of endorphins dulling his anxiety.

“Really? Alright, fuck, um… I guess we can start looking for a place then.” Matt smiled.

The older man wrapped his arms around the singer, kissing him. The shock wouldn’t set in until later.