The Rhythm of Our Broken Hearts (Andy/Matt)

Chapter Five: I'm Screaming Out, Can You Hear Me?

Matt looked around the small breakfast area, it smelled like stale pastries and instant coffee, but at least the greasy continental breakfast had helped his hangover. The night was kind of a blur, but bits and pieces of it were starting to come back to the guitarist. He remembered getting drunker than he'd intended and doing blow with Black Veil. He remembered following Andy around the empty hallways back to his and Jake's room, and that's when things got a little bit hazy. The older man wasn't quite sure how the two ended up on the bed, just that they did. What he vividly remembered was how soft Andy's lips were against his, how the younger man had wanted more... or did he? Matt wasn't sure what Andy wanted, that's why he stopped.

His friendship with the singer meant too much to him to sacrifice it for a one-night fling that neither would totally recall the next day. He wasn't sure how much, if any, Andy would remember, but he knew he needed to find the kid. He'd spent the entire morning nursing his hangover and going over how to approach what happened in his head. Creating different scenarios based on Andy's recollection of the night. Best case scenario, Andy remembered nothing, and things could just carry on as normal. Worst case... Andy decked him in the mouth.

The Black Veil guys were all sitting around one table, each of them looking absolutely trashed from the night of partying. Andy was missing from the group.

"You guys still alive?" Matt laughed, approaching the table.

"Fucking barely, man, goddamn last night was fun though," CC commented, playfully punching Matt in the arm.

"It was pretty fun, where's Six? He got pretty fucked up last night."
"Andy? Fuck last I checked he was puking his guts up in the bathroom. When I came back last night, he was passed out cold." Jake laughed.

"Well he's got another hour before we've got to leave, so he better manage to pull it together. I'm not dealing with his hungover ass on the bus." Ashley scoffed with seemingly zero concern for the singer's wellbeing.

Matt opened his mouth to say something smart back to the man, if he recalled correctly it was Ashley who was encouraging Andy to keep pushing his limits. Matt had noticed that on their first tour together as well, it was Ash who kept buying Andy alcohol despite him only being nineteen at the time. From what he heard about the dude, he'd be a hero for knocking a few of the man's teeth out. Getting into a fight with Ash wasn't going to help anything though, better to keep the peace, so the guitarist decided against saying what was on his mind.

"Well, I'll go see if I can get some coffee or something into him," Matt said, forcing a smile at the bassist.

Matt made his way down the hallways until he found Jake and Andy's room, knocking on the door. A couple of minutes past with no sound coming from inside the room and he was just about to knock again when suddenly the door opened.

Andy looked like he'd been through hell and back. His face was pale, and he looked absolutely miserable. Without all the makeup and leather on he looked so much smaller, he was shirtless, and Matt could see the indentions that marked his ribs.

Matt closed the door behind himself, glancing around the room which was completely demolished. Clothes were all over the floor and he even spotted a ripped bra in the corner of the room by Andy's bed. There was no way that he fucked some girl... he was on the verge of blacking out when Matt left. Maybe he did, 'Good for him' the older man thought, even though he couldn't deny the twinge of jealousy he felt.

"Hey man, I brought you some coffee and some donuts. You look like you could go for some caffeine." Matt held the steaming coffee cup and package of donuts out to the singer.

Andy wrinkled his nose, turning his head as he gagged. He held up his finger, mumbling something that sounded like 'excuse me' before hurrying into the bathroom. Matt winced as he heard Andy get sick, feeling bad for the boy. Learning your limits fucking sucked, but Andy had to do it.

Andy had woken up only a few hours after he'd passed out, his head throbbing so hard he thought it might explode. Jake had been passed out on the other bed in his boxers, the singer didn't recall him coming back. He couldn't remember much after getting back to the hotel room. He was pretty sure Matt was there, there was wrestling, and then... he didn't kiss Matt, did he? No, he had to be confusing that with Rachel... Rebecca? No... Roxy, he was pretty sure that was her name. He wasn't sure if he'd fucked her or not, it was all just a blackout. Just another night that he had to piece together to try and reconstruct what he'd done. There were times that the thought of drinking away his 'golden years' made him sad, that the thing he'd spent his whole life chasing was finally in his grasp, and yet he could hardly remember the past year.

This was hands down the worst hangover he'd had since Des Moines the year before. That was his first experience with what most people would consider binge drinking. He didn't remember a goddamn thing but based on the numerous videos of him crying on the stage floor he could only imagine what a shit show it was.

He was tempted to try and get out of the show tonight, but he knew John would have his ass if he even brought that up. He just needed to get his stomach to calm down enough to rehydrate himself and then he'd be okay... he hoped.

He felt a cool hand on his back as Matt knelt beside him, pulling his hair back out of his face. Normally, he'd be embarrassed for anyone to see him like this, but he was too exhausted to give a shit at the moment. Don't let them see you crack, not even your friends...

"Are you okay, Andy?" Matt's voice was laced with concern.

"I'm fucking great." Andy groaned, laying down on the tiled floor, he didn't even care if it was disgusting.

The younger man shivered as a wave of chills came over him, his body felt weak and heavy and he was starting to wonder if he was actually getting sick. It never failed that at least once each tour he caught something, whether that was the flu, pneumonia, or laryngitis. He knew it was because of how he treated his body. All the alcohol, smoking, and lack of proper nutrition was bound to catch up with him eventually. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd eaten more than a few bites of something, alcohol had become his main source of calories.

His body shook again, suddenly feeling cold despite almost overheating a few minutes ago. 'Fuck' he thought as the familiar scratchy feeling in his throat signaled that this was probably more than just a hangover. Getting sick on tour was the worst thing, the show still had to go on. He normally just pumped himself up with cold medicine and alcohol, forcing himself through their forty-five-minute set. It was times like that that made him miss home, up until he left his mom would always take care of him when he was sick. She'd make him soup and bring him anything he needed, even as a teenager he cherished those moments. Without her there with him, he was left to tend to himself.

"Dude, you're burning up..." Matt said, feeling the heat radiating off the shivering singer.

So much for the whole speech he had planned, if Andy remembered anything, which Matt had his doubts about, that conversation would have to wait for a different day. The older man felt for his friend, it was obvious that Andy wasn't feeling well.

"I think I'm fucking sick..." Andy groaned, pushing himself into a sitting position, the muscles in his arms screaming in pain.

He felt dizzy and out of breath from the exertion, his vision going black for a split second. He turned his head, coughing into his arm. The muscles in his chest ached from being sick all morning, not to mention his nasal passages were already irritation from the 'party favors' he'd indulged in.

"Shit... are you going to be able to perform tonight?"
"Not like I have much of a choice, we're the goddamn headlining band." Andy drug his hands down his face, trying to snap himself out of things.

The door to the hotel room clicked as someone pushed it open. Jake stood in the doorway to the bathroom, looking down at the pitiful singer on the floor.

"Hey man, are you feeling any better?"
"Nah, I think he's sick," Matt answered for Andy as the boy went into another coughing fit.

"Fuck, well I've got some cold medicine in my bunk. I'll give you some once we get everything loaded up. Speaking of which, we've got to go, John is losing his shit because we're late." Jake said, giving Andy a look of concern before grabbing his duffle bag off the bed.

Andy grimaced as he pushed himself off of the ground, unsteady on his feet at first. He felt Matt's hands reach out to help him regain his balance, guiding him into the main room. The younger man dug a hoodie out of his bag, slipping it on. He knew he probably looked like absolute shit, and he could only pray that there weren't any fans hanging around the bus who would want photos. He put a pair of sunglasses on before grabbing the cup of coffee Matt had brought him. The hot liquid felt like heaven, soothing his throat while the caffeine lessened the throbbing in his head at least enough for him to see straight.

"Here, I'll grab your bag." Matt offered, slinging it over his shoulder.

Andy mumbled a 'thanks' and followed Jake out of the room, feeling slightly bad about the mess they were leaving for the cleaning lady. Even with his glasses on, the afternoon sunlight made the singer wince as he hurried towards their bus. Instead of starting to feel better, he was only getting worse. If there was any doubt his chills were a fever, that doubt was gone now. Despite the warm weather and hoodie he was wearing, he couldn't stop shivering as he boarded the bus.

John crossed his arms, muttering a few expletives under his breath when he saw the state of the frontman. "Are you sick or hungover?"

"Both." Andy managed to say, his voice even raspier than normal.

"Jesus fucking Christ kid, we've got a sold-out show tonight."
"I'll fucking make it, thanks for your concern though." Andy huffed, pushing past his tour manager towards the bunks.

Matt followed after him, giving John an awkward shrug. The poor guy was just trying to do his job and making sure the five of them didn't get arrested, hurt, or killed was a superhuman feat. He deserved a lot more credit than he got.

"You don't have to ride with us if you don't want to, I don't want to get you sick," Andy said, taking his glasses off and pulling a bottle of Advil out of his bag.

Matt resisted the urge to tell Andy that due to their drunken make-out session if he was going to catch whatever the singer had, that ship had already sailed. It was pretty safe to assume that Andy remembered nothing of that moment, and it was probably better that way. Matt sure as hell wasn't going to bring it up.

"I mean no offense, but my immune system is pretty good. I'm not that worried." He chuckled.

---

The soft rumble of the bus was causing the singer to start to drift back to sleep, his body completely exhausted from the past twenty-four hours. The cold medicine Jake had given him was working enough to stop him from having coughing fits every few minutes, but he could still feel the fever raging inside his body. He'd taken up residence in the back of the bus, ignoring the protests from Ashley. He wasn't about to shove himself in that tiny ass bunk where he couldn't even stretch his legs out if he was expected to go on stage in a few hours.

Matt had brought him some crackers and water earlier, which helped settle his stomach enough for him to get a little bit more rest. He could hear his friend's voice from upfront as he laughed, vigorously debating what the best Harry Potter house was with CC.

Andy was just about to fall back asleep when he heard the door to the back open. Matt poked his head through the door, smiling softly at the younger man. Andy smiled back weakly, motioning for him to come in. Matt walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge of it.

"I didn't mean to disturb you; I was just seeing if you needed anything else." His voice was soft and warm, it never failed to put the singer's mind at ease.

"No, I'm okay... just a bit bored being back here all by myself."
"Well, I can certainly keep you company if you'd like..." Matt answered, swinging his legs onto the bed and leaning back against the pillows.

Maybe it was just the delirium from the fever, or maybe it was the fact that it had been months since he'd felt the touch of another human (that he remembered), but Andy couldn't help but want to feel Matt's strong, tattooed arms around him. There was no way his pride would let him admit that, wanting to be held? Wanting to be cared for and loved? That was admitting weakness, he would never do that. Never let someone know he needed them, that gave them too much power.

Matt looked down at his friend, all bundled up in blankets, still shivering despite the layers. The look in Andy's eyes tugged at the strings of the older man's heart, he looked so sad and lost. He brushed the singer's hair back, watching as Andy's body seemed to relax at the simple gesture.

He wrapped an arm around the boy, pulling him into his chest. Surprisingly, Andy didn't resist, in fact, he seemed to welcome the affection. He rested his head against the guitarist's chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart. The muscles in his shoulders relaxed as he felt Matt's arms wrap around him. He felt safe and protected, a feeling that he thought he'd never find again. It was as strong as any drug or shot he'd taken before, and just as addictive.

Matt held Andy in his arms, wondering if at any minute the man would push him away. It wasn't fair what Andy had to go through, growing up on tour was hard. The kid was barely eighteen when he moved away from the only home he'd ever known to cut his teeth on the streets of Skid Row. Matt saw straight through the tough front that Andy projected, the one he wanted to world to believe. He saw the boy that still had growing up to do, the one who was trying so hard to impress everyone, consequences be damned.

A few minutes passed before Andy ended up falling back asleep against his chest. The site melted Matt's heart; sure, he'd always had a bit of a crush on the singer, but this seemed like more than that. He was one of the most attractive guys that Matt had ever seen, but this was a different feeling altogether. He knew the feeling, and it scared the shit out of him.

'Fuck' Matt thought, 'I'm in love'...