All This Time

05: Don’t Say It


Amelia, who was hiding her face in her pillow, let out a quiet groan when she heard her best friend’s voice, burrowing further under the duvet. She knew that she was coming. Since Amelia had moved into her new apartment, her mother, sister and her best friend had taken it in turns to show up on a Saturday morning and drag her out for a few hours, but just because she knew it was coming didn’t make Amelia more amenable to the idea. It was another way that they were trying to help her. During the week, she had work to focus on, but at the weekend, she had more time available, and so they tried to occupy it, determined to keep Amelia from sitting by herself and dwelling on what had happened. She knew that she did it too much. Even months after leaving Fernando, she knew that it was still on her mind too much, and she was grateful for their attempts to distract, even if she didn’t always appreciate it in the moment. The fact that they cared that much about her meant more to her than she could have said.

“I’ve got coffee”

Amelia slowly lifted the blanket that she had pulled over her head, cautiously looking at Molly who’d appeared beside the bed. Seeing that Molly was holding a disposable cup in her hand, she moved to sit up before she held her hands out.

Molly scoffed out an amused laugh before she placed the cup into Amelia’s grasp. “You know it’s nearly ten in the morning, don’t you?” she asked, sitting in the space beside Amelia’s feet.

Amelia nodded, wordlessly sipping on her drink.

“I’ve got a list of stuff I need to do” Molly continued “And we’ve only got a couple of hours to get it done before I have to get home. Stefan’s got a shift this afternoon, and so it’s just going to be me, you and Una. It’s been a while since you came over” she added.

Amelia sighed, her fingers fiddling with the lid on her cup.

Molly gently pried the cup out of Amelia’s hands, settling it on the bedside table. “Shower” she murmured “It’ll still be hot when you get back” she added.

Amelia stayed where she was for a moment before she reluctantly swung her feet out of bed. Settling her feet on the floor, she grimaced, her head pounding.

Molly tilted her head. “Are you OK?” she asked.

Amelia took in a couple of deep breaths before she nodded her head. “Fine” she said “I had a couple of glasses of wine too many when I was out at dinner last night” she added.

Molly’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “Who’d you go out to dinner with?” she asked.

“Who said I went with anyone?” Amelia countered as she stood up and walked towards her dresser. The last thing she wanted was for Molly to see the hint of pink that was bound to grow across her cheeks.

She knew that she would end up telling her that it was Lionel. They were going to see one another again, they had already made plans to, and Amelia wasn’t going to back out of them, but it wasn’t something she was ready to talk to Molly about. Molly knew what had happened between her and Lionel. A few days after the wedding, and after Lionel had ignored the few messages that Amelia had sent to him, Amelia had told her, and it meant that she knew what her friend would say when she admitted that she had bumped into him again. It was the same thing that Amelia had told herself on the couple of occasions that she had seen him. She had to be careful. She didn’t want to do anything that could hurt Lionel, but she also had to be careful for herself. She was still hurting, even if it was getting better, and she couldn’t risk doing something that she would only end up regretting.

“You don’t go out to dinner alone, Lia” Molly quipped “So?” she added.

Amelia busied herself, rummaging through a drawer. “A friend” she replied.

Molly stood up, moving to Amelia’s side. “A friend?” she asked.

Amelia opened her mouth, prepared to insist that it was nothing, but when she saw the concerned expression on Molly’s face, she softened. “It wasn’t him” she said gently “Though, he called a couple of times last night” she added.

“Did you talk to him?” Molly asked.

Amelia shook her head. “No” she replied “I just wish he’d stop. It’s been months, Mol. What does he think he can say now to change anything?” she asked.

Molly shrugged, gently rubbing Amelia’s back. “I don’t know” she said softly.

Amelia closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath, before she stepped out of Molly’s reach. “I should take that shower” she murmured, flashing her friend a smile that wasn’t even close to being genuine.

Molly nodded her head slowly. “We don’t have to go out” she announced “We can just go back to mine. We can put on a film for Una and just relax. Stefan’s stocked up on loads of stuff to cope with my cravings, so we could eat as much as you like” she added, a hopeful smile on her face. The last thing she wanted to do was to leave Amelia alone to dwell on Fernando.

Amelia leant against the bathroom door frame. “Didn’t you need to get this stuff done?” she asked.

“Before the baby comes, yeah” Molly confirmed “Not necessarily today. I just want to get you out of the house for a bit. It was either helping me with my stuff or third wheeling with your mother and stepdad. I figured baby shopping was a preferable option, but it doesn’t have to be that” she added.

Amelia’s lips quirked upwards into a small, but genuine, smile. “Am I allowed to spoil this baby as much as I spoiled Una when she was born?” she asked.

“Can I stop you?” Molly replied.

“You couldn’t before” Amelia quipped with a shrug.

Molly rolled her eyes, laughing.

Amelia watched her friend laugh before she shook her head, looking down at the floor. “It was Leo” she admitted.

Molly’s laughter stopped abruptly. “Leo” she said “As in, the guy who...” she trailed off when Amelia nodded her head, grimacing.

“Him” Amelia confirmed “And I know what you’re going to say, so please don’t say it. I am being careful, Mol” she insisted.

Molly opened her mouth, the warning itching to escape it, but she stopped herself. The look on Amelia’s face told her that she knew the risks and didn’t need to be lectured on them. “How was it?” she asked.

Amelia shrugged. “Weird” she said “Awkward. There’s a lot of things we didn’t talk about” she added.

“But?” Molly asked knowingly.

Amelia smiled nervously at her feet, lifting her shoulder in another shrug. “Maybe I missed him” she admitted.

“Are you going to see him again?” Molly asked.

Amelia nodded. “We’re getting lunch on Monday” she said.

“Are you going to talk to him about...about everything?” Molly asked.

Amelia sighed. “Probably, eventually” she answered.

“You have to” Molly said.

“I know” Amelia said “I’m not an idiot, Mol” she muttered before she turned and walked into the bathroom, pushing the door closed after herself.

Molly stared at the closed door before she shook her head, hoping that Amelia knew what she was doing.