Until You Met Me

Gerard couldn’t get used to how quiet it was.

It had been so loud before. Only an hour previous, the room had been full of Molly’s shouts of pain, the sudden screeching of the heart rate monitor and the panicked voices of the doctors and midwife that had rushed in to help when things had started to go wrong, and Gerard couldn’t get over how suddenly quiet it was. He had thought that it would be louder. For months, when he had pictured the arrival of his and Molly’s child, he had thought of a crowded hospital room. He had imagined cooing grandparents, and Molly’s niece trying to pull herself up onto the bed, determined to get a good look at her new baby cousin, but he hadn’t gotten any of that. Instead, he was sat in a quiet hospital room, trying to get his head around just how close he had come to losing Molly.

Sinking back into his seat, he stretched his arms over his head, trying to loosen some of the stiffness in his shoulders, before the sound of the door opening and closing caught his attention, causing him to turn and glance over his shoulder.

Isla, their midwife, greeted him with a soft smile as she steered a plastic cot into the room.

Gerard blinked a couple of times, sending a couple of tears tumbling down his cheeks that he was quick to wipe away, before he carefully pushed himself up to his feet.

“I’m sorry it’s taken us so long to get down here” Isla said gently “We just wanted to make sure everything was OK after the way she entered the world” she added.

Gerard didn’t look up, too in awe of the tiny baby that was sound asleep in the cot. “Is it?” he asked.

“She’s perfect” Isla answered.

Gerard sniffed out a laugh to himself, something that caused Isla to gently place her hand on his arm and squeeze lightly. “I’ll leave you alone” she said gently “If you need anything, just go to the nurses’ station along the hall. They’ll call me” she added.

Gerard nodded his head absently, causing Isla to squeeze his arm again before she slipped back out of the room. Gerard glanced at the closing door before he looked back down into the cot, his fingers ghosting over the back of the baby’s tiny hand.

He hadn’t had a chance to look at her before. In the chaos that had surrounded the moment that she had arrived, he had been too busy trying to get an answer as to what was happening with Molly to bask in the news that they had a baby girl, but now that things were calmer, he couldn’t stop staring at her. To him, she looked like her mother. From underneath the little dinosaur splattered hat that was on her head, tufts of Molly’s darker hair were visible, and the expression on her face as she slept was similar to the one on Molly’s face as she slept in the bed a few paces away from him, but he knew that who she looked like wasn’t the most important thing. She was there, safe and sound, and that was all that mattered to him.

Placing his hands on either side of the cot, he leant over and carefully brushed his lips against the baby’s forehead. “Welcome to the world” he whispered as he sat up slightly “I am so happy that you’re finally here” he added.

“Gerard?”

Gerard swallowed at the sound of Molly’s voice. There had been a moment where he had almost been convinced that he would never hear it again. Taking in a breath, he let it out again shakily before he turned around, greeting Molly with a wobbly smile. “I’m right here” he said gently.

Molly blinked sleepily, her forehead creasing in confusion. “What happened?” she asked.

Gerard shook his head, looking back down at the baby. “I don’t really know” he replied “One minute you were pushing, the next...” he trailed off, not quite able to push the words out of his mouth.

At the mention of pushing, Molly’s eyes widened. “The baby” she spluttered.

Gerard offered her a gentle smile. “She’s right here” he said.

“She?” Molly choked out.

“I told you it would be a girl” Gerard chirped as he stepped around the cot, wheeling it up to the side of Molly’s bed.

Molly huffed out a watery laugh. “Do you really need to be smug right now?” she asked.

Gerard smirked as he sat down on the side of the bed. “I’m just saying, I was right” he said.

Molly rolled her eyes as she shuffled closer to the edge of the bed, her fingertips gently brushing against the baby’s foot.

Gerard watched her wordlessly, his smirk fading away to be replaced by a soft, awed smile. He hadn’t thought that he would see Molly with their daughter. For one terrifying moment, as he had watched doctors swarm around her, he had really thought that she was gone, and he didn’t have the words to express how happy he was that he’d been wrong. He didn’t know what he would have done without her.

“Are you listening to me?”

Gerard startled at the feel of Molly’s elbow nudging his ribs, his stare jumping back up to her face. “What?” he spluttered.

Molly smiled up at him. “I was saying that we need to choose a name” she said “And I asked if you had called everyone yet. If not, we should...” she trailed off as Gerard shook his head, gently taking her hands in his.

“We don’t need to do any of that right this second” Gerard said “For now, can we just...just be here, the three of us?” he added.

Molly couldn’t quite place the tone of his voice, but she did answer with a nod. “Of course” she mused.

Gerard offered her a faint smile before the baby started to stir, causing both Gerard and Molly to turn and look at her, waiting for the other to move and pick her up first. After a second of hesitation, Gerard leant forwards and gathered the baby into his arms, his expression soft with awe. Turning to Molly, he looked at her nervously. “Am I doing this right?” he asked.

Molly gently adjusted his hands slightly before she smiled up at him lovingly. “You’ve got it” she cooed.

Gerard smiled down at her just as warmly. “She’s so tiny” he whispered “I can’t believe I am responsible for something that’s so little” he added.

Molly just smiled, carefully adjusting the hat on the baby’s head as Gerard watched her, amazed by every little thing that was happening in that moment. He had been so scared that he wouldn’t get to see it, that all of the little moments that he had been picturing for months would be so completely different from what he’d imagined, and he determined to savour them. Seeing Molly smile and fuss over their baby whilst he held her was something that he had wanted for a very long time.