Until You Met Me

“Are you sure that you want to do this now?”

Molly, who was unfolding a cardboard box, nodded her head firmly, deliberately trying to ignore the concerned expression that Ava was watching her with. She had seen a lot of it. In the week that had passed since the last time she had seen Gerard, the expression that was on Ava’s face was one she had seen mirrored on the faces of all of her friends and family, and she was tired of it. She knew that they were just trying to be sympathetic. What had happened between her and Gerard had been sudden, and it had hurt Molly more than anything had done before, but she didn’t know how much longer she could take people walking on eggshells around her. They were trying to be sensitive, and Molly appreciated that they were trying to be there for her, but pretending that Gerard hadn’t existed wasn’t going to make the dull ache in her chest disappear. She doubted that anything short of going back to the moment that things had ended and changing what happened would.

“There’s no point in putting it off” Molly answered.

Ava nodded her head slowly. “It’s just that this is a pretty big deal” she said “And it’s only been a few days. If you wanted to hold off for a little longer...”

“I don’t” Molly cut in “I want to get his stuff out of my bedroom, Ava. You said that you were going to help with that. If you’ve changed your mind, then you can go, but I want to get this over with” she added.

Ava blinked a couple of times, surprised by Molly’s reaction, before she stepped towards her and took the box out of her hand, placing it onto Molly’s bed. “How much stuff is there?” she asked.

“Not a lot” Molly replied “We...We mostly spent nights at his place, but he did stay here a few times, and he left some stuff behind. He probably doesn’t need it back, but I really don’t want it here any more” she added, letting out a pained laugh.

Ava flashed her a sympathetic smile. “Makes sense” she quipped “We’ll get it boxed up, and you can give it to your parents. They can get it back to him” she added.

Molly nodded wordlessly as she sunk down on the side of the bed.

Ava watched her for a moment, her expression soft and sympathetic, before she leant over, collecting the small pile of clothes that Molly had left neatly folded on the mattress. “I know you’ve been probably been asked this a hundred times by your mother alone, but how are you doing?” she asked tentatively.

She had resisted asking for as long as she could. Molly had sent her and Sofia a fairly vague text a few days previous, announcing that she and Gerard were over, but neither of them had pried for more information, knowing that Molly needed the time to get her own head around things before she shared it with anyone else. She had always been the same. When she had broken up with Tiago, she had taken nearly two weeks to talk to anyone about it, and pushing for information had gotten Ava nothing.

Molly had needed the time to process it, to wrap her head around the idea of Tiago not being in her life any more, and it meant that Ava had been surprised by the call Molly had made, asking for her help to remove Gerard’s things from her apartment. Tiago had been very important to Molly for a handful of years, but he had nothing on Gerard, and Ava had been expecting that Molly would need a lot more time to come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t going to be around any more.

“Ava” Molly complained softly.

“I’m not going to apologise for being worried about you, Mol” Ava mused “I love you, and I want to know how you’re doing” she added.

Molly twisted her fingers in the material of her skirt, taking a moment to think about how honest she wanted to be, before she let out a soft sigh. “I don’t know yet” she admitted “I mean, I know that I am angry, and that I am really hurt, but I don’t think it has really set in yet. It’s weird, not seeing him, or talking to him, but it feels kind of surreal still. I am pretty worried that it’s just going to hit me at some point” she added.

“What happened?” Ava asked.

“I don’t know” Molly replied with a helpless shrug “We’d had a fight. Tiago had decided that now was the perfect time to get in touch, and Gerard found the text on my phone. It was just a stupid fight, but then he showed up in the middle of the night, and I thought we were going to figure it out, and then it just...it was over. I have no idea what changed, but it did, and now he’s...he’s not here, and I am going to have to get used to it” she added, trying, and failing, to stop her eyes growing a little tearful.

Ava heard the change in Molly’s voice before she moved to sit down next to her, gently wrapping her in a hug that Molly was all to happy to lean into. “I just don’t know what changed” she mumbled “I thought we were so good, Ava, and now we’re nothing, and I don’t know what to do about it” she added.

“He fucked up, Molly” Ava murmured “It sucks. I know how you felt about him, but this is on him. You just have to look forwards” she added.

Molly pulled out of their hug, shaking her head insistently. “Do you think it is that simple?” she asked.

“Molly...”

“I can’t just stop being in love with him, Ava” Molly snapped “Don’t you think that if I could, I would have done it a long time before this whole mess?” she added.

Ava’s expression softened as Molly blinked, allowing the tears that had built up in her eyes to slip down her cheeks. Lifting a hand, she wiped them away quickly, redirecting her stare to the floor. “You told me so” she murmured “You told me that I had probably loved him for longer than I had known, and you were right, but that means that getting over him...I have no idea how to do that, Ava, and that terrifies me. I keep hoping that he’ll change his mind. I know how stupid that is, because you’re right. He had his chance, and I shouldn’t want him to just come back, and if he does, then I shouldn’t just take him back, but I know I would. I love him, Ava. Really freaking love him” she added.

Ava gently tugged Molly back into their hug, rubbing her back comfortingly. “I know you do” she murmured.

Molly lingered in the hug for a moment longer before she pulled back, mumbling something about tea as she padded out of the room. Ava watched her go for a moment before she turned back to the box on the bed. Standing up, she packed the last of Gerard’s things into it before she slipped her phone out of her pocket and typed a message to Gerard, telling him that she had his things and asking when was a good time for her to drop them off. Someone had to see if there was anything left for the two of them to fix.