Until You Met Me

Staring at the box that he had placed on the floor outside of Molly’s front door, Gerard pushed a tired hand back through his hair, trying in vain to find the nerve to knock on the door. He had taken some time to think about what he was going to do. He didn’t want to just show up and hope that Molly didn’t slam the door in his face, but he also knew that flowers or chocolates wouldn’t help, so he had opted to bring back the box of her things that he had packed, hoping that, even if things didn’t work out, he could assure her that he wasn’t going to bother her again. He didn’t know how it would go. The last time he had seen Molly, she had been curled up on her bed, trying not to let him hear her crying, and he didn’t know how she would react to seeing him at her door, but he had to try.

Drawing in a deep breath, he levelled his stare at the front door, trying not to get lost in the memory of him pulling it closed after himself and leaning against it as he tried to absorb what he had just done, before he leant forwards, tapping the door a couple of times. Shuffling backwards half a step, he watched the door for a long moment before it finally inched open, allowing Molly to peek around it.

The silence between them was heavy. For a long moment, Molly made no attempt to pull the door open, and Gerard made no attempt to step closer, but eventually, he tipped his head forwards, gesturing to the box that sat on the floor between the two of them. “It’s your things” he murmured “You sent mine back to me” he added.

Molly’s eyes dipped down to the box briefly before she looked back up at him. “I don’t want them” she murmured.

“What?” Gerard spluttered.

“I don’t want them” Molly repeated “I don’t care what you do with them, but I don’t...I don’t want them back” she added.

Gerard blinked in confusion, something which made Molly sigh before she ducked behind the door, not wanting Gerard to see her wipe at her eyes. “If that’s all you came for, you wasted a trip” she murmured, poking her head back around the door again.

Gerard opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, causing Molly to blow out another sigh before she tried to push the door closed, only being stopped when Gerard leant over, pressing his palm against the door to keep it open. “I...I know I have no right to ask this” he stumbled out “And if you still want to slam the door when I move my hand, that’s up to you, but can we talk, Molly? Please” he added.

Molly stared up at him, her eyes searching the expression on his face, before she gently pulled the door open a little wider. Shuffling away from it, she heard Gerard’s footsteps follow her towards the living room, but she made no attempt to look back at him, still trying her hardest to calm down the urge that she had had to throw her arms around him when she had opened the door to him. Part of her was thrilled to see him, part of her wanted to hug him, and tell him just how much she had missed him, but she had stopped herself, reminding herself what had happened the last time she had let him into her apartment.

Lifting a hand, she quickly wiped at her eyes before she turned around, staring up at Gerard who had stopped a few paces away from her. “You said that you wanted to talk” she said “So talk” she added.

Gerard cleared his throat, trying to recall some of the words that he had figured out before he had arrived at her door, but after a few long seconds of almost painful silence, Molly scoffed, shaking her head. “Was this your plan?” she asked, trying, and failing, to keep the little wobble out of her voice “Show up at my door after a week of not talking, and just stand there? Because if it is, I think it might be your stupidest plan yet. If you’ve not got anything to say, just get out of here, because I am not interested in starting this conversation for you. I can’t do it. So, if there’s nothing you want to say, you know where the door is. Leave my spare key behind, too” she added, moving to step past him.

“Molly...”

“You don’t get to do this” Molly interrupted, jerking back the hand that Gerard had tried to capture as she walked past “You don’t get to just show up here, out of the blue, and try and get me to talk to you. That is absolutely no different to what Tiago did. You remember that? The thing that set this whole thing in motion?” she pressed.

“I am not Tiago” Gerard murmured.

Molly let out a sharp, humourless laugh. “No, you’re not” she said “But you both share the same problem. I told you how I felt about you, how I really felt, and what did I get from you in return? The same thing I got from Tiago, and I...I didn’t see it coming either time, but it is worse this time, and you showing up and just being here isn’t enough to fix it” she added, the sharpness in her voice receding, leaving it soft and shaky.

Gerard wanted to step forwards and wrap his arms around her, to offer her comfort as he had done so many times before, but he knew that any move he made would be mirrored by Molly moving away from him. Instead, he swallowed, his eyes studying hers which had grown softer and tearful, before he nodded his head a little. “Is there anything I can do to fix it?” he asked quietly.

Molly wiped her eyes again, shrugging slightly. “I don’t know” she murmured “You really fucking hurt me, Gerard” she added.

“I am so sorry, Molly” Gerard replied.

Molly’s lips quirked upwards ever so slightly into a pained smile, but she was quick to hide it, shaking her head slightly “Words aren’t enough” she said “You can stand there and say sorry over and over again, but I...I don’t want that. I laid everything I had out to you. I told you how I felt about you, how deep my feelings were, and you just...you just ran away. I don’t want sorrys. I want to know that, if I was going to give you another chance, that I wouldn’t be making a mistake putting my trust in you again. I want to know that you’re as in this as me” she added.

Gerard nodded his head insistently. He didn’t know how he would do it, but he knew he had to try and find a way to show her how he felt about her. “I will find a way to show you” he promised.

Molly flashed him another tired smile. “We’ll see” she replied.