Until You Met Me

Carefully sitting down on the edge of Gerard’s sofa, Molly nervously pushed a hand back through her hair, glancing over her shoulder in search of a sign that Gerard was going to reappear from wherever he had disappeared to almost as soon as they had stepped through his front door. Neither of them had said much. Once they had gotten into Gerard’s car, the journey back to his home had been one where they had both been lost in their own thoughts, and it hadn’t changed once they had gotten inside the house. Gerard had sped away, reappearing momentarily with a fresh icepack for the bump on Molly’s head, but after that, Molly hadn’t see him again. Instead, she had found herself sat in his silent living room, staring around the familiar room with a painful lump in her throat.

She could remember all the times she had been there before, all of the significant moments, and some that hadn’t felt significant at the time, and, as much as she wanted Gerard to succeed in convincing her that they were worth another shot, she couldn’t help but be worried that he wouldn’t, and that that would be the last time she found herself sat in that room. Gingerly removing the icepack from her head, she leant forwards and placed it onto the coffee table before she heard Gerard’s footsteps moving quickly down the stairs, causing her to look up, watching as he stepped back into the room, a tattered cardboard box clutched in his hands.

“You’re actually still here” Molly chirped, smiling softly “I was starting to get worried” she added.

Gerard huffed out a soft laugh. “Was I gone for that long?” he asked.

“I don’t know” Molly answered “Felt like it” she added.

Gerard, who’d moved to place the box down onto the coffee table, let out a quiet sigh before he stepped backwards, cautiously settling on the edge of the sofa next to Molly. “It was harder to find than I thought it would be” he said, his stare not moving away from the box that sat ahead of them.

Molly turned to look at the box too, but for a long moment, she didn’t say anything. She knew that the second she asked what it was, things between them could potentially change, and she wanted to put it for a little longer. For as long as there was hope that they could fix it, Molly wanted to hold on to it.

Gerard watched her out of the corner of his eye, waiting for her to say something, before he slowly leant forwards and opened the box, pulling an opened envelope from inside. Staring down at it, he quirked a faint smile before he turned, holding it out to Molly. Molly hesitated for a second before she took it out of his grasp, her forehead creasing slightly as she studied it. “What is this?” she murmured.

“It’s a letter” Gerard replied.

“Gerard” Molly warned, fixing him with an unamused look.

Gerard held his hands up innocently. “Sorry” he muttered “You don’t recognise the handwriting or the address?” he asked.

Molly returned her stare to the envelope, studying it for a moment, before her expression softened in recognition. Shaking her head, she traced the writing on the paper with the tips of her fingers before she looked over at Gerard, the ghost of a slightly awed smile tugging at her lips. “I sent you this” she mused “I wrote this, and sent it to you when you were in England. I used to write to you once a month. It was silly. We spoke on the phone, and I visited you a couple of times, but I still wrote them. You kept one?” she asked.

Gerard’s lips quirked into a sheepish smile as he leant forwards and reached into the box, retrieving more envelopes from inside. “I kept them all” he corrected.

Molly shook her head, her cheeks pink. “You didn’t keep them all” she countered “I mean, why would you? They were so...so boring” she added.

“I’ll admit, they weren’t all amazing” Gerard quipped impishly “I still kept them, though” he added.

“Why?” Molly pressed.

Gerard ducked his head, taking a second to think of the words he wanted to say, before he looked back up at Molly’s face. “You said something the other night” he said “The night I...I was stupid. You said that being in love with me was new, but having love for me wasn’t, and that...that’s why I kept these. I don’t know exactly when I fell in love with you, but I know that I have had love for you for as long as I could remember, and that is what I hope these show. I kept them because you wrote them, because when I was struggling to get used to being there and not here, I could read them, and think about you, and I would feel better” he added.

Molly sniffed, but didn’t say anything, and didn’t move her stare away from the envelope in her hand.

“I...I got scared, Molly” Gerard continued, not wanting to allow the silence to settle again “That night, when you told me that you’d choose me over anyone else, it terrified me, and I did something so stupid because of it. I know I can’t say sorry enough. I just...I don’t know. I got so overwhelmed for a second, and I ran away, and you’re right, that’s no better than what Tiago did to you, and I hate that I can even compare myself to him. I hate that I hurt you like that” he added.

“What do you want?” Molly asked.

“What?” Gerard spluttered.

Molly finally turned to look at him, her eyes soft and tearful. “What is it that you want from this?” she asked “Do you just want us to just go back to what we were, or is this serious for you? I know we were only together for three months, and I know that I said that I wasn’t looking for some huge commitment or a map of our future when we first got together, but I think...I think I need to hear that that’s something that’s at least crossed your mind. I can’t...I can’t take this one day at a time. I did that with Tiago, and that ended spectacularly badly. I...I can’t do that again” she explained softly.

It was a lot to ask. Despite all of their years of friendship, asking what Gerard saw in the future for their relationship was a big and complicated question, but it was one that Molly needed an answer to, even if it was still a little hazy and vague. She needed to know that, at the very least, he had thought about it.

Gerard was quiet for a moment, thinking over what she had asked, before he smiled to himself. “I want you” he said.

“Gerard...”

“I want whatever you’re prepared to give me” Gerard interrupted “I want you, Molly. I want you in my life for as long as possible. I want to make you smile, and I want to listen to you talk. I want everything you want to give me” he added.

Molly blinked a couple of times, causing a couple of tears to roll down her cheeks, before she nodded her head enthusiastically, finally letting a bright smile split across her face. “OK” she breathed.

“OK?” Gerard asked.

Molly smiled at him and nodded again. “OK” she confirmed.