‹ Prequel: Feels Like Forever

Feels Like Forever (one-shots)

[i'm still in love with you]

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Emilie knew Niall was excited to have another child. To experience everything from conception to birth and beyond. He absolutely loves and adores Ryder, but there’s something different about witnessing it all from the beginning.

Maura warned her Niall has often spoken of becoming a father, even way back when he and Emilie first started dating. Mully made sure it was no secret that Niall wanted children. Hell, even Louis has said something about it.

So she knew this about her husband. She really, really, really did.

But holy Hell, she never expected this.

She’d gone back to the normal routine this morning: Wake up, get Ryder ready for school, drop him off, go to work, then come home to her family. Mully, Niall, and Jordan take turns watching the babies, depending on whose schedule is cleared for the day. More often than not, though, it requires a team. Twins are hard work.

Emilie regrets ever thinking raising Ryder was difficult.

Now Naomi and Ethan are five months old, and Ryder has never been happier. He helps with feedings, with changing nappies and clothes. He even gives the babies baths in their little tubs. He’s most excited to teach them how to swim this summer.

She stops in the living room and thinks, I really should have expected this.

All four of her loves are asleep; Ethan and Naomi are sprawled across his chest, Ryder tucked carefully under Niall’s arm and against his side. Niall’s even moved the coffee table against the couch, a cushion on it, for Ry to have more room to sleep. It isn’t even five in the afternoon, and Niall and their children are napping.

Ryder will never sleep tonight.

Emilie finds she doesn’t care at all. She takes a step forward, hands reaching for Naomi, but Niall’s hold on her tightens. His eyes fly open, and he glares before coming back to reality.

“Don’t scare me like that,” he grumbles as he relaxes.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I could just smell Nay from across the room.”

“I’ll change her, Mama!”

Ryder rolls off the coffee table before Emilie can say a word. She glances at Niall and mutters, “So when do you think he’s gonna stop liking to take care of them?”

“Probably when they learn to get into his toys,” laughs Niall as he lets her take their daughter.

“Nope! Never, ever, ever.” Ryder unrolls the changing mat and sets up the wipes and fresh nappy. “Daddy says a real man takes care of his family, and I’m gonna be a man someday, right?”

“I suppose you’re right, but, baby, I don’t think Daddy meant you have to take on all the responsibility yourself.”

“It’s cleaning poop off their butts, Mama,” scoffs Ryder as he rolls his eyes.

“I… I’m gonna go make dinner, because I think I just got out-logicked by a kid.”

Niall’s laughter follows her into the kitchen.

The twins are one, Ryder is nearing eight, and Emilie is losing her mind. She thought she’d have to worry about Ry telling Naomi and Ethan to get out of his room. Instead, she has to tell him to stop stealing her babies.

The baby gates have come back up, and Emilie is reminded of that morning when she and Ryder first moved in. When Mully and Niall stayed up the night before to baby-proof the house. Niall wanted to prove he was serious, was willing to change everything about his house to make it safer for a child.

Ryder helps teach the twins how to walk, and he even sneaks them extras of their sweet biscuits after meals. Emilie wants to discipline him, but really, who is it hurting?

The blogger from before is back: They post about Niall’s music, how happy he looks all the time - even when paparazzi are practically in his face. How fatherhood suits him, and she wishes him nothing but goodness in this life. Emilie nearly sobs when she sees the post:

to niall’s wife - i’m sorry for all the horrible shit i said about you. you didn’t deserve it. i’m grown enough to admit i was jealous and had an unhealthy obsession with niall, and i took disgusting glee in how unhappy he looked in those photos. i ran with it and i shouldn’t have. i blamed you for his lack of social media presence. it wasn’t fair.

he’s an adult. he makes his own choices. but i blamed you. and for that - and every awful thing i’ve ever said - i am so sorry. i know you’ll probably never read this, but i had to say it. even if you don’t, others might realize they’re doing the same thing.

i know he’s on a break now to spend time with you and your kids, but please let him know we miss him.

love him well. you both deserve it.


The words hit deeply enough that she posts on Twitter for the first time in months:

@emmietay: Thank you so much for your apology. I truly appreciate it, and I’m glad you’ve grown enough to know how your words could hurt. You’re right: What you said was absolutely despicable, but I’ll forever be grateful for you owning up to what you said. I forgive you.

Ethan and Naomi are two and suffering from ear infections. Niall somehow carries them both at the same time, swaying with them and singing softly while Emilie gets the medication ready. Naomi takes hers just fine and rests her head on her father’s shoulder. Ethan spits his down Niall’s back.

Niall doesn’t flinch, doesn’t get angry. He just passes their daughter to Emilie and helps Ethan take the dose without fuss.

Ryder is eleven, and the twins are five. He walks them into their kindergarten class with Niall and Emilie watching on. Niall’s barely holding back tears as the kids disappear through the doors. Five minutes later, Ryder comes out alone and announces he’s ready to go to his school.

When the primary school calls not even an hour later because Naomi and Ethan are crying and won’t be consoled, Niall is out the door before Emilie can hang up. He doesn’t even ask if she wants to come with him. So she waits until he calls to let her know he’s parking out front. She holds the door open as he comes in with two five-year-olds held to his chest.

He refuses to let her take either of their children from him.

He retires from music to spend more time with his family.

Ryder is thirteen and the twins are seven when their family grows again. Naomi is no longer the only girl child, joined by Maura Imogen Rose. Ethan calls her “Immy” once, and the nickname sticks. Ryder teaches Naomi and Ethan how to care for their baby sister, and Niall takes thousands of pictures of his little family.

The twins are twelve, Immy five, and Ryder is eighteen and moving off to university. Niall and Emilie cry together as they watch their oldest son’s car disappear from view. Neither of them sob nearly as hard as the younger children.

Ryder has been in their lives since the beginning - such a patient, loving older brother who has held them during their fear of thunderstorms or ‘fought the monsters’ under their bed. Even when he was studying for his exams, he always took time for the twins.

And now Emilie and Niall have let one of their baby birds fly from the nest. Niall won’t stop cuddling their kids for the rest of the week.

Ryder is twenty-six and getting married. The twins are twenty - Naomi takes a small vacation from her job as a commercial welder, Ethan from his secretary career in order to attend the wedding. Immy is thirteen and surly as any teenager ever is. Niall ushers them out the door before they even need to leave for the church.

“I’m not being late for my son’s wedding, Emilie,” he snaps when she teases him about it.

“Da, we’ve still got four hours before it even starts,” giggles Naomi, but she dutifully follows her father out to the car.

Ethan rolls his eyes and nudges his sister. Even as adults, they’re closer to each other than anyone else. Emilie remembers when they were eight and made up their own language. Twelve years later and they still remember it. She is pretty sure she’s parsed it out over the years, despite it being mostly gibberish.

“Da is freaking out,” Ethan says in their special language, and Naomi nods vehemently.

“Let him. You know how weird he gets.”

“I’m not weird!” Niall protests, thankfully in English, and Ethan shrinks in his seat even as Naomi grins and leans up between the seats.

“You are absolutely weird, Da. But you’re my weird father, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

Immy mimes gagging from the backseat before shoving her earbuds back into her ears. Niall pulls over and makes Emilie drive - he can’t see through his tears. He’s forty-six years old and still so affected by his children. By Emilie.

Niall is eighty-two, and so is Emilie. They still dance together in the living room and tell their family of how they met in that coffeeshop so long ago. Niall holds his grandchildren just as tightly as he ever held Ryder, Naomi, Ethan, or Immy. He refuses to let them go until they start squirming to be free, and even then, he watches over them.

As she stares at her family gathered for his birthday, she knows they’ll be okay. She and Niall have worked so hard to raise amazing children, and they are passing those lessons to their own. She knows her sons and daughters will be fine when it’s time for their parents to go.

Niall stares at her from across the room. Face lined with age, eyes still so damn bright blue… He’s just as beautiful as he was fifty-six years ago. She carefully pulls Kayleigh from her husband’s arms before helping him to his feet.

“Ew, gross! Nan and Pop are kissing!” Kayleigh screeches as she runs off to tell her father of the scandal. Ethan only laughs.

Emilie giggles but doesn’t stop holding onto Niall. Yeah, they’ll all be all right.