Battery City Rebels: Part One

Indigo woke before Ghoul this time. His body was warm beside hers, tempting her to stay. To curl up into his chest, make an excuse, and keep making them until she really wanted to leave. She was so tired. So young and so fatigued with the never-ending survival mode. She always knew her lifestyle was unfair, but this just drove that point home further. She wondered what their lives would have been like if there had never been wars or BLI. They likely never would have crossed paths or cared for each other. But she never would have had to be so afraid of love. She wouldn’t have to fear it more than she feared dying.

She couldn’t stay even if she didn’t go after Korse. There was nothing more to them than surviving, rebuilding, and putting up a fight. It would end eventually. And likely in blood and raygun fire. There were no elderly people outside of Bat City. People didn’t have the luxury of living that long. So how could she keep doing this every day of her life until it ended? How could she do it knowing it would end and someday one of them would be alone? There would be nothing. Somehow even less than she had now. Which was already very close to nothing. Sometimes it was better to start with nothing than end with it.

She reached up to skim his face with her fingers. He was blissfully asleep. This was the same man who scolded her for not being more vigilant in her sleep. But they were both so tired. He wore the same fatigue. Now he was comfortably asleep with a body in his bed. Someone to hold onto. To drive the nightmares away.

She kissed his cheek as gently as possible and slid out of his arms.

Part of her hoped he’d wake up and beg her to stay. Convince her with his words or his lips, and she’d give in, and they’d join another dance. Back and forth until settling into a new comfort. A new member of the team. But he slept on. Moments of peace were rare. If she stayed, there would be new things to worry about. They’d have to worry about each other’s well-being and safety. He could put himself at risk to protect her, or she’d do the same for him. The worst thing they’d have to worry about is what they did together when they were alone. All it would take is one slip-up. One accident and they’d be locked together for life. They’d make a mistake so tremendous that the guilt of it would tear them apart. The last thing she wanted was to create a life. The longer she stayed, the higher the chances that they would. There would be no place to go to get rid of it now that Midnight was gone.

She crept quietly out the door and up the stairs into the kitchen. She had her hand on the doorknob leading out back just as a shadow turned the corner in the living room. Poison crossed his arms over his chest, and she sighed.

“I figured you’d be here,” she said.

“Why?”

“You don’t seem to like me much.”

“It’s not that I don’t like you. I just don’t like what you’re doing to Ghoul.” She turned to face him. He was dressed like someone who wanted to sleep but never could. They all shared the same fatigue. Sleep was elusive.

“What exactly do you think I’m doing to him?”

“Making him stupid. He’s distracted. Reckless.”

“I’m not trying to do that to him.”

“I never said you were.” He took a step into the kitchen. He wasn’t wearing shoes. And it was the first time she’d ever seen him dressed for comfort. His red hair was messy and sticking up. He’d clearly tried to sleep and failed. “Can I tell you a story, Indigo?”

“Sure.”

“There was this girl who lived in the southern part of Zone Five. We couldn’t stand each other. At first, anyway. Probably not ever. I never loved her. But we were alone out here. We all look for comfort where we can get it, don’t we?”

“I suppose.”

“So we did. We hated each other. And we thought that was enough to protect us. But bodies don’t care how a person feels. She got pregnant. I did everything I could to protect them. I’m old enough to know what it was like to wish for a family before the world fell apart. I knew it was something we’d never have. We still wanted our boy to have a good life. Some sense of—normalcy, you know?”

“That’s fair.”

“She agreed to raise him on her own out at her base in Zone Five. I thought she was too close to Bat City, but she wasn’t ready to give up the fight. She wanted to keep going. He gave her a purpose. And people grow selfish when they’ve been forced to give up on things like love. We both knew he’d be safer elsewhere, but she refused to let him go.

“One day, I went out there to check on them and bring them supplies. I came up on the hideout to find a big red x painted on the side of the building.”

“Oh no.”

“I found him stuffed into the hole she’d dug under the floorboard for that reason. So she could have a place to hide him if someone found her. He was covered in dirt and tears. Watched her die through the cracks in the wood. He’d been there for at least two days. All by himself. Turns out the reason they even found her at all is because they’d followed me. Because they knew I’d made a connection. I don’t know if they ever found out about him. But she died—because of me. And the sad part is—I didn’t even love her. I cared about her. She was the mother of my child. But it was never real. And she still died. For what? So we could be a little less alone sometimes? So now there’s a kid who was born in a dead world. He’ll never have any memories of a better life than this. He’ll live the rest of his life with that image of her death in his mind.” She turned away and didn’t respond.

“I brought a child into this world, Indigo,” he repeated. “THIS world. He’ll never know a moment of peace. He’ll never have a mother. So I learned that the only thing I could do to protect him was to keep him far away from me. To pretend I don’t have something I care about more than what’s right in front of me. That way, if I die, too, it won’t hurt him as much. That way, no one can go after him just because he’s my weakness.

“We do our best to stay away from women for this reason. Not just the fear of adding another damned human to this damned planet, but the fear of having weaknesses. BLI is very good at exploiting them. They go after what you love the most. What do you think will happen if you allow yourself to love Ghoul? They already went after your father.” He didn’t give her enough time to answer. She already felt hollow and guilty. He wasn’t making any points that she hadn’t already agonized over.

“I knew we were in trouble when you walked into our lives. I warned him to be cautious, but like I said, people grow selfish when they’re finally given something they’ve been lacking. I know what it’s like to want something. How good it feels when you’re finally given a purpose beyond taking down BLI. But if you let yourself become his weakness, they’ll use you to hurt him. And if he becomes your weakness, they’ll destroy us just to get to you. And the last fucking thing we need is for the two of you to bring another kid into this world. It would break him.”

“I know,” she finally got out before he could continue. “That’s why I’m leaving. I don’t want anyone else to die for me. I don’t want to be anyone’s weakness. And I can’t—bring another life to this world. I know that. You don’t have to explain it to me. It already terrifies me. I just—wanted a moment too, you understand? I just wanted a moment to feel like maybe the world isn’t as awful as we think it is.”

“It isn’t,” he promised. “Or it wouldn’t hurt this much.” She nodded.

“Will you tell him why I left? To protect him?”

“I’m sure he knows. But I will.”

“And tell him that—I’m sorry for stealing his bike. In advance. I’ll try to get it back to him in one piece.” He answered with a slight smile. She opened the door, and the night air rushed in. It smelled like acid rain and desert. Crisp night and acrid air. “And if he ever needs it—when I’m gone, and he needs a push. Tell him that I loved him. Even if it was just for one night.” He nodded slowly.

“That’s a kind gift.”

“Well—it’s a selfish one. Goodbye, Poison. Thank you for everything.”