Hold My Hand

Taylor knew that she couldn’t save everyone, but it didn’t make her feel any better and only added to the idea that she wasn’t good enough. Laid on the bed in Matt’s guest room, she listened as he returned home from shift and sighed when he knocked on the door.

“Come in,” she called, not moving and glancing over as the door creaked open.

“Hey, I just wanted to check in,” Matt stated, leaning against the doorframe and watching her concerned, “Shay told me about the victim not making it... I’m sorry, Tay.”

“Me too,” Taylor mumbled, feeling the tears form and shifting her attention to a spot on the ceiling directly above her, “Just another name to add to the list.”

“Tay...”

“I’m fine, Matty, you should get some sleep.”

Not wanting to talk anymore, Taylor watched as Matt opened his mouth to speak and felt relief wash through her when he simply nodded in response. It was noon by the time she finally drifted off, though her sleep was far from peaceful and she woke up a while later feeling worse than before.

The sound of music soon caught her attention and she reluctantly climbed out of bed, padding barefoot to the kitchen where Matt was in the process of cooking.

“Are you hungry?” Matt asked without looking up from what he was doing.

“I could eat, what are you making?” Taylor replied, grabbing a bottle of Gatorade and sitting at the counter.

“Garlic butter shrimp pasta.”

“Sounds good.”

They had just started eating, when Taylor’s phone chimed and she checked it to find a new message from Kelly.

‘Will told me what happened, I hope you are okay and I love you.’

Unsure of what to say, Taylor simply put her phone back on the table and ignored the look that Matt was sending her way. She didn’t want to feel the way she did, but the seed of doubt had been planted and she wasn’t sure how to shift it.

It had been so easy to fall in love with Kelly and she still continued to fall for him every day, but she wasn’t prepared for everything else that lay in store. The doubt, the hurt, the ghosts from their pasts, and yet, they’d already overcome so much.

“You should talk to him,” Matt commented as he took his plate to the sink to wash up.

“I will...” Taylor replied, “I just need to figure out what to say.”

“Maybe try being honest with him about how you feel,” Matt suggested, “He can’t help or change something he knows nothing about.”

The truth was that Matt was right and Taylor knew that she had to confront her fears, but she didn’t want to lose Kelly because of her insecurities. Despite everything, she needed to get the conversation out of the way and headed over to the hospital. Renee wasn’t there when Taylor arrived, taking a deep breath to steady her nerves and entering Kelly’s room.

“Hey,” he greeted with a smile, “I’m glad you came.”

“We need to talk.”

“Of course.”

“Renee being around as much as she has...” Taylor began, not sure where she was going with the sentence and deciding to just go with it, “It’s made me doubt our relationship and then I lost that woman, I guess it just reignited the notion in my head that I’m not good enough.”

“I knew that you were struggling, but, with everything that’s happened, I didn’t realize just how much and I’m sorry.”

“Kel...” Taylor said, falling quiet as Kelly shook his head and listened as he continued.

“The only reason that Renee was here was because I didn’t change my emergency contact, it wasn’t out of choice and I changed it as soon as Will told me about it. I wish that you could see yourself through my eyes, Tay, because maybe then you’d realize just how special you are and believe me when I say that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“You don’t have to say all of this,” Taylor mumbled.

“Yes I do because you need to hear it,” Kelly argued, “You know that I’m not great with words, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I do know what I want... Marry me?”

“What?”

“Marry me?” Kelly repeated, “I love you and I’ve known for a while that you are the person that I want to share the rest of my life with, but I understand if you’re not ready.”

“I am,” Taylor told him, “I’ll marry you.”

Taylor didn’t know what made her say yes, but everything in her being told her that it was right and she was ready to take that risk.