Past or Future?

"I can see all those butterflies flying around your head" Dan snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Oh, You're still here? I thought you already went home?" things have been normal around the shop, no weird glances or glares from Jane so far.

"Naaah, don't have anything planned for tonight, I wanna hear about your progress,. How are you and Joville? Are you dating yet? Don't even think about making excuses, you have been in quite a daze lately" Dan crossed his arms.

"No, we are not dating, yes we spend time together far more than usual but again, no" I sighed.

"Then why sigh?" Dan raised his eyebrows.

"I guess I'm just a bit tired, it's the side effects of the meds. Thankfully, I'll be off those this Friday. Enough about me, how bout you?"

"Well, things are not so great. Reese and I talked about something and he wanted me to respect his need for space" Dan pouted.

"Does this mean you give up? The agreement expires in three weeks time, we would be celebrating Christmas next week then new year hello January" I clapped victoriously.

"No you moron, I still have time. And speaking of Christmas, where would we have our staff party? I'm ready to glam up" Dan flicked his imaginary hair.

"If all of you agree, there will be two parties. One with owners and the other just us" I shrugged.

"If that's the plan, I presume Mr. and Mrs. C want the party in their house? What about the other? Any great ideas?"

"Well. . . the beach is one of the best locations we could choose, we can also have it at my house, just help me clean up or we can also spend it to the next city near us but that would be time consuming so I'm not voting for that" I held my hands up.

"We could organize a meeting tomorrow after work, maybe the others have ideas" Dan suggested and I nodded.

We headed out of the shop, locking it behind us. The cool breeze of December biting my face. The street looked bright and glowing, Christmas lights lit on every corner making the vibe more magnificent and elegant. A lot of people were walking and talking with their company carrying bags of designer things and grocery. Cars running carrying passengers back and forth to who knows where.

I inhaled deeply "What's your Christmas wish this year Dan?"

"To see my dad again and spend it with him" his voice shaking.

"How long have you been away?"

"Since I was a kid"

I stared at Dan questioningly

"Let's talk about it in the park shall we? I don't feel comfortable telling my story in the middle of the street" Dan gave a small smile, I nodded not saying anymore.

We headed to the park. Like the other stalls, the park was also decorated with Christmas lights, a giant Christmas tree at the center, and a touch of soft lights hanging from the trees making it look enchanting and fairytale like scenario. We sat down on one of the trees absorbing the scenery.

"When I was eight years old, I knew that there was something about me that's different. Unlike all the guys at my school who play with violent video games, toy cars and action figures I was interested in playing the more feminine ones, like cooking in all those plastic kitchenware, playing tea party. I hung out with the girls a lot at my school and they don't seem to mind. The guys did bully me a lot because of the way I move and on who I am with. This news reached my parents, no doubt because the school was worried about me getting beat up all the time. My dad scolded me hard, why I was like that and explaining I was shaming him because I like feminine stuff. There was a time my dad hit me hard with his belt, across my knee because I didn't listen to him. My mom protected me and got hit also, I stood up to him and he slapped me hard on the face warning me that he doesn't want me to be like this again. I tried, I really did I hung out with the guys but all they do was kill me with boredom.

By nine, I was getting along well with it. Yes, I talked about all those video games and stuff but still the femininity in me was there. By the time I was twelve, I was pranked by a guy in school. He said he wanted to see me at the restroom because someone had their hands on weed and as a curious kid I believed in it and went. When I got there, there was only one person but as I entered other four more came out of their hiding places, yes I got scared because I was thinking something might happen to me. The leader kid assured me that it was all right and we were gonna try to smoke it and so we did. It was my first time getting high and I enjoyed the feeling until someone suggested that I hook up with someone and do it here. I refused but the drug was interfering my thoughts and my actions, because of my high state and peer pressure I agreed.

They hooked me up with someone who had blonde hair, I couldn't recall his name or his face. We were pushed in a cubicle and they closed it shouting from the other side to do it. Yes, I agreed to be hooked up but no I didn't want to do it, the blonde guy lowered his pants and demanded me to do the same. And, yes we did it, we had sex in that cubicle, we even moaned dramatically to fire up the audience.

The next day, I was called in the principal's office, my dad was there sitting across the principal rage clear in his eyes. The principal showed me a video, there I was with the blonde guy thrusting on his back clear as ice. They suspended me for a month, when we got home, my dad dragged me all the way up the house, he was so angry his face was all red, he threw me on the bed my back against him. The next thing I knew, a strong slap hit my knees, hard, it was stinging painfully. I cried out in pain in every slap feeling hopeless. He tied my wrists together and poured hot wax on it, every drop on my skin felt like hot lava. I was crying and crying and eventually I passed out.

When I opened my eyes a mobile car was waiting outside, a cop cuffed my dad, blood was visible on his hands. I looked at the back of my knees, dripping with blood, my wrists were untied, a rope mark visible and the hot wax now cooled burned my skin. My mom carried me to the ambulance and we went to the hospital to treat my injuries. We decided to move to another city and we ended up in here, I continued my schooling and now here I am"

I listened to every word as Dan narrated his story. It was a tragedy and how could a parent even hit their child? I felt so sad and moved by Dan's story.

"That's just so sad and unforgiving Dan, I'm so sorry that happened to you. But all these, you still want to see him?" I queried choosing my words carefully.

He shrugged "I guess, even though things ended like that he's still my father and a lot of years could give you a lot of thinking. The memories haunt me thinking he might do it again"

I placed a hand on Dan's back patting gently. He looked at me, visible tears on the corner of his eyes. I opened my arms and hugged him "You are so strong and full of life Dan, you should be happy and whoever you choose you want to be, you shouldn't hide it pretending to be someone your not"

"Thanks Art, not for listening but for not judging me"