Catch Me

I stood, feet together, arms outstretched to help me balance on top of the bars. I’d all but perfected my stance now. I was a little shaky to start, finding where to put my feet, getting the confidence to stand up there at all, but after the first few attempts I was a pro.
The park was always quiet, I live in a place called Nenthead, and, if you’ve ever had the misfortune to visit, you’d see why.
It’s pretty much in the middle of nowhere, it’s always cold and a lot of old people live in the area, I was surprised to find that there even was a park but I was glad, it was a place I could be alone, though, alone wasn’t really what I wanted.
I started to sway, back and forth, letting the cold bite at my fingertips, the wind blew me slightly, then, I uttered the words I always did before going limp and allowing myself to fall backwards and down towards the ground.

‘Catch me.’ I closed my eyes and waited for the gravel and cement to catch my fall as it always did, but something happened, something that had never happened before.

‘What the hell are you doing?’ I heard a voice from beneath me yell, his accent strong, from Newcastle I believed. I screamed and lurched away from him, not quite sure of a reasonable reaction other than that.
The boy just stood and stared at me, waiting for an answer.

I’d never seen him around before, he was new out here, I’d have recognised him otherwise. I stared at his face, his dark brown eyes wide in panic, his eyebrows raised in waiting. His mouth was open slightly as if he were waiting to speak but not knowing what to say.

‘What am I doing? What are you doing?’ I scolded, knowing that wasn’t an appropriate reply.

‘I’m stopping some psycho from killing herself! Some ungrateful psycho at that!’ He glared at me, pulling at his messy brown hair in frustration.

‘Well, have you ever met a grateful psycho? Maybe we’re all ungrateful and that’s why we’re psychos.’ He looked as confused as I sounded.

‘What are you even talking about?’ He questioned, stepping towards me a little.

‘I don’t know. You took me by surprise, that’s never happened before. I’d never prepared myself for someone actually catching me!’ He took another step towards me.

‘You mean, you’ve done this more than once?’ He looked shocked and surprised. I slowly nodded my head, not fully aware of why it was so shocking, but then again he didn’t know me and my reason for throwing myself from things.

‘Why?’ I just shrugged, not wanting to tell some stranger my personal problems. ‘How are you still living?’ A laugh caught in his throat as he said it.

‘Just lucky I guess, I mainly just land myself in the hospital, bruises, cracks, fractured my collar bone once, but that’s it.’ I didn’t mean to sound as boastful as I did.

‘You’re mental, I hope you realise at least that.’ He laughed and shook his head before walking backwards away from me, a slightly worried look on his face.

‘I do.’ Was all I could say, because it was true, I knew there was something wrong with me, why else would I fall backwards from monkey bars and climbing frames?

‘Well at least the falls haven’t taken all of your brain cells. Will you be OK if I leave you now? You’re not going to do that again?’ He seemed concerned, which was normal I guess, I just wasn’t used to someone being concerned about me.

‘No, I promise, that was the last time. Thank you!’ I called after him. He shoved one hand in his grey jacket pocket and raised one in the air, not looking back at me.

I continued to watch him as he walked away, he was tall, at least six foot, dressed all in black, probably to match his moody teenage life, I assumed. I watched until he was out of sight before deciding I should go home myself. Usually I’d be lying on the ground in pain from the fall, just waiting a while until it subsided then limp on home, but now, now that someone had come along to catch me, it was all different and unknowing to the stranger, I owed him.

I neared the top of the street I lived in and noticed the house that had been up for sale for about a year was finally being occupied, there was a van full of boxes outside and two men carrying in a sofa. Why anyone would want to move to a desolate area was beyond me. I walked by slowly, trying to take a glimpse at who had moved in.

‘Following me now?’ I heard the same voice from before. I turned to see the boy who had caught me, a box labelled kitchen in his arms. Of course, it was his house, how obvious now.

‘Oh, no, I live here.’ I pointed to the ground beneath me.

‘You live right here in this spot? Because I’ve just moved into this house with my parents and if you obstruct the pathway it may get a little inconvenient.’ He laughed a little at his own line.

‘Well obviously not this spot, but this street. Two doors down.’ I pointed with my thumb.

‘Oh good, then I’ll be able to keep an eye out for you throwing yourself from things.’ He winked at me as he walked up his garden path. ‘See you around, neighbour.’ And he disappeared off into his house.

I could feel a smile forming on my lips as I made my way to my house. It all seemed too coincidental that the person to move into my street was the very person to stop my self-destruction, I’m not sure if I was too into fate and everything happening for a reason but something was about to change for me.

‘Why are you so happy?’ My mum asked as I stepped through the front door, immediately wiping the smile from my face.

I didn’t get along with my parents, I know, oh cliché, teenager hates mum and dad, but it wasn’t for the old cliché reasons. We’ve never seen eye to eye, never have and never will. The only reason I’m living with them now is for my sister. If she wasn’t here I’d have been out a long time ago.

‘Can’t I be happy? Is it a crime?’ I shot back, walking by her and straight up the stairs.

‘For you, it does seem like a crime.’ I heard her mutter. I ignored it and made my way down the landing to my sister’s room.
Tabatha got along with our parents, she didn’t have much choice really as she was always with them. Tabatha was the reason we moved to Nenthead. She was the reason I was still here and she would always be the reason I’d stick around. I know it doesn’t seem that way when I throw myself from things and could have a potential fatal outcome, but I would never intentionally try to do that, not for as long as I still had her to rely on me.

‘Hey Tabby, can I come in?’ I asked, knocking on her already open door. It was always open, she wasn’t allowed to have it closed.

‘Can do.’ She sounded drained as she spoke. She was only eight, but she had an old soul. She acted much older than she was.

‘What are you doing?’ I asked, flopping down into her beanbag chair. She was currently lying on her back on her bed, arms behind her head, eyes closed.

‘Thinking about the earth, and nature and how we’re destroying it daily. Then thinking of everyone living on it and think about how angry, ungrateful and difficult we can be and how we all deserve to get swallowed up, but then I start to think about how beautiful the flowers may look and the way the birds chirp and that the nature we haven’t yet destroyed is beautiful and that, even though humans do have their faults, there are some wonderful people I wouldn’t want to see swallowed up.’ An old soul, like I say.

‘What the hell has mum been teaching you? I think she needs to lay off a little.’ I smirked, Tabby doing the same.

‘This wasn’t mum, well, she did buy me the books, but I read them, just thoughts I have.’ She sighed and sat up right. ‘I really wish you two would get along, it’s hard just having to listen to you two arguing.’ She looked in my direction and smiled. ‘At least if I could see you two arguing I might be able to enjoy it with a bowl of popcorn.’ She grinned wildly at me.

‘I know, I’m sorry, I’ll try and commentate on all of her facial expressions next time we have a big fight!’ I grinned back. Tabby didn’t like anyone feeling sorry for her. She was born blind, she always said she can’t miss what she never had so there was no point in anyone being sad for her, but it was difficult some days.

‘Anyway, you’re home earlier than expected and in full health. You didn’t hurt yourself today?’ Tabby asked, a flash of concern on her face.

It killed me to hear her say it like that. She never used to know why I was always in hospital, my parents just used to tell her I wasn’t very well and I needed check-ups, but one day I’d walked in with a broken arm and my mum shouted at me, she was furious, she told me I had to stop intentionally hurting myself because I was hurting everyone else in the process. She told me I needed to sort myself out and stop looking for so much attention.

I wasn’t looking for attention though, especially from her or my dad, the only person who they had time for was Tabby and I didn’t resent her for that, she hated it but had no choice. I just wanted someone to really care enough about me to help me. My parents hadn’t ever sat me down and asked me what was wrong, or asked me why I did what I did, they didn’t comfort me in the hospital and tell me it would all be ok and they would be there for me. They were just angry.

‘I tried.’ I told her, ‘but someone actually caught me.’ I could feel myself smiling at the thought of someone caring about me.

‘They did? Who?’ This sparked Tabby’s interest.

‘I-’ I stopped, realising I hadn’t gotten his name. ‘I have no idea. He’s just moved into the house two doors down.’ Tabby stood.

‘Well let’s go meet your hero!’ She grinned and pulled me up from my seated position.

‘We can’t just intrude, Tabby. They’re busy moving in.’ I couldn’t believe my seventeen-year-old self was more afraid to go speak to someone than my ten-year-old sister was.

‘I don’t care. I’d like to say thank you to the person who has saved my sister and in turn, me.’ She was serious now and trying to drag me out of her room.
Again, that pang of guilt shot through my chest, acid rising in my throat. I never wanted to leave her alone in this world, but my own selfish needs overpowered that.

I gave in and followed her lead, watching her carefully as she made her way down the stairs. She never needed her cane in the house which always amazed me, I tried walking around with my eyes closed once and tripped over numerous things and walked into every door frame.

‘Where are you two going?’ I heard mum call from the living room as Tabby reached the front door. She never did trust me outside and alone with her.

‘We’re going to say hi to our new neighbours.’ Tabby explained, a smile on her face as she eventually reached for her cane which was propped up by the front door.

She glanced between the two of us, her eyebrows narrowing. ‘Let me come with you.’ She reached for her coat on the stand by the stairs.

‘No, mum. I just want Adelaide and I to go. You don’t need to come two doors down the street with us.’ Tabby was stern which took both myself and mum back. Mum lowered her hand away from the coat stand, looking hurt. Her precious Tabatha, back talking, I couldn’t have been prouder.

‘Well, don’t hassle them and don’t be too long.’ Her voice low and quite pathetic sounding, Tabby twisted her face, I think she had only just realised how much she’d hurt mum.

‘We won’t.’ Was my reply and we left the house. I could only imagine the thoughts running through her mind about how much I’d corrupted her sweet, innocent angel and how my bad attitude was rubbing off on her, I shook it off and led Tabby down the street, my mum stood at the front door, not taking her eyes off us for a second.

‘You should’ve seen the look on mum’s face when you told her no.’ I said to her as we walked.

‘Was she upset? I didn’t mean to sound snappy, I just wanted this for us. I don’t want to her to have to follow us everywhere. It’s not like you lead me to danger.’ She sounded exhausted but I couldn’t blame her. I was almost thankful for her blindness some days, taking all of the attention. She handled it way better than I ever could.

‘She looked a little hurt, I’m sure she’ll get over it.’ I wasn’t sounding too convincing. Tabby never snapped at mum like I did so I wasn’t at all sure how she was going to react. I wasn’t going to let it become my issue to deal with though, not unless I was forced.
‘We’re here.’ I whispered just outside our new neighbour’s gate.

‘Is he out here?’ Tabby asked looking around, not keeping her voice low at all. I couldn’t even begin to imagine not having sight. Having to rely on people to tell you the truth, to keep you safe as you learn to grow, to help you figure out your dark, lonely world and make it beautiful and bright.

‘Not yet.’ I mimicked her as I also looked around for him, watching the moving van closely in case he was inside getting boxes.

‘Hello again.’ His voice was just behind me, I clutched onto Tabby’s shoulder in fright.

I turned slowly to see him leaning on his front gate, a wide grin on his face. His hair was flopped everywhere; a clear sign he’d been pushing it out of his face.
I noticed a small tattooed K on the side of his left wrist as his arms were folded in front of him, his fore and middle fingers on his right hand had a yellow tinge, I could only guess from smoking.
I stared at him for a few moments longer before a sharp elbow was jabbed in my ribs.

‘Introduce me then.’ Tabby scolded, then turned to look in new neighbour’s direction.

‘Yeah, introduce us.’ His voice was almost cocky sounding, as if it were going to be some sort of surprise to Tabby as to how we met.

‘Tabby this is, uh, I’m not entirely sure, help me out?’ I asked him, raising my eyebrows in question.

‘What’s it worth?’ His only reply, a smirk on his lips. I could have punched him.

‘Well it’s worth a thank you from me. I would personally like to thank the person who saved my sister from damaging further brain cells and bones.’ Tabby piped up and we both looked in her direction.

He smiled at her and his eyes flicked towards her cane and it faltered. He opened his mouth to say something, then stopped. He uncrossed his arms, his facial expression getting softer as he lowered to her level.
‘My name is Elliot Blue Smith and it’s my pleasure to have saved your crazy sister.’ He took her hand in his and shook it.

‘Well, my name is Tabatha Wilson and I will be forever grateful.’ I’d never seen a more relieved look on her face, like a worry had lifted from her tiny shoulders, like she could breathe again. Again, with the acid rising in my throat and the guilty pang in my chest.

‘And what is your name?’ Elliot asked, standing back to full height, crossing his arms once again. Every time I looked at his face I noticed something else, something that just made my nerves even worse, something that made my heart race that little bit faster and my palms sweat a little more. This time it was the beauty spot below his bottom lip on the left-hand side, something so small and seemingly insignificant stood out like a sore thumb.

I opened my mouth to speak before realising I needed to clear my throat for anything coherent to come out. ‘Adelaide May Wilson.’ My cheeks blushed for no reason at all as I spoke to him, a smile formed on his lips.

‘Well, Adelaide May Wilson, it’s nice to meet you again, for the third time.’ He outstretched his hand towards me, I did the same only wishing I’d have wiped my hand sweat away first. He gripped it in his, shook twice then dropped. We stayed silent for a few minutes, just awkwardly hanging around his front gate. We’d come for the only reason we intended, for Tabby to thank him, but it felt rude to just leave. Before it got any more awkward a chipper voice came from the house.

‘Making friends already?’ A lady, who I could only presume was Elliot’s mum, charged out of her front door and down the garden path towards us. ‘Who are these two gorgeous ladies?’ She beamed, bumping Elliot out of the way with her hip.

He sighed and scruffed his hair, clearly trying to keep his embarrassment at bay. ‘Mam, do you have to?’ He nudged her slightly.

‘Oh Elliot, don’t be such a grumpasaurus, I love meeting new people!’ Her grin was inviting and kind, she wore brightly coloured clothing, a stark contrast to Elliot’s black. She had a long floor length dress on which was multi-coloured stripes, her sandal clad feet just poking out the front. Her light brown hair was pulled up into a messy bun and a chunky beaded necklace sat around her neck.

He groaned again before reluctantly telling her our names. ‘This is Adelaide and Tabatha Wilson.’ He motioned by hand which one of us was which. ‘They live two doors down and that’s about all I know.’ I wasn’t sure why he was so aggravated, his mum seemed like a delight in comparison to mine.

‘Well, Adelaide and Tabatha, beautiful names by the way, my name is Sally Smith, but you can call me Moonshine.’ I shot a questionable look towards Elliot and he rolled his eyes.

‘No, mam, they won’t call you Moonshine, they’ll call you Sally, and that’s if they ever find themselves in conversation with you anyway.’ I could maybe understand slightly why he wanted her to go back inside so bad.

‘I like Moonshine, it’s mystical. You can call me Tabby, like the cat.’ Tabby grinned at her and stuck out her hand for her to shake.

‘Well thank you, Tabby, like the cat.’ She grinned back at her. ‘If either of you would ever like to call in, have a reading, drink some tea, you’re always welcome. But for now, I must finish unpacking. Hopefully we’ll chat again soon!’ She waved herself off into the house and closed the door behind her. I stared at Elliot trying my best to keep in a chuckle.

‘She seems, fun?’ I offered and he shook his head then rested it on his arms which were propped back on the gate.

‘She’s wild.’ He lifted his head and rolled his eyes.

‘Well I’d really like to meet her again if that’s OK. I like her.’ Tabby was usually a good judge of character and warmed to a lot of people quite quickly. She’d told me once that because she’s blind she can’t judge off appearance which is what she said I did. She took in their personality and warmth on first encounter.

A lot of people were easy for her to read and she knew right away if they were good or bad. Mum had taken her to a club to mix with other blind children once and she said the lady who ran it was hard to read at first. She wasn’t sure if she was feeling sorry for everyone there because they couldn’t see or if she genuinely cared for them.

It took her four meetings to decide she didn’t like her, which is hard for Tabby because she likes to like people. She told me she had a patronising tone when the adults weren’t around and wouldn’t trust them to even walk to the toilets alone. She was too helpful and too clingy, which Tabby found weird. But she’d warmed to Elliot’s mum straight away, I could tell she felt happy and comfortable around her.

‘Well she works from home, I’m sure if you call around she’ll be happy to chat.’ We both thanked Elliot and told him we’d see him around, Tabby made a joke about how she wouldn’t really see him, but feel his presence around. They laughed, I did an awkward chuckle, I was never easy with anyone, not even Tabby making jokes about her lack of eye sight. I then asked if he wanted to hangout when he’d finished unpacking, he told me he was going back to Newcastle to hang with the friends his mother had ripped him away from but he’d be back after the weekend.

We made our way back home and waved to Elliot as he watched us along the street.
Mum took Tabby into the living room right away to find out what we were doing, what we were talking about, how the new neighbours were. She knew we’d only fight if she asked me any questions so I made my way upstairs.

She could be overly intrusive when she wanted to be, I wasn’t sure how Tabby could stand it, having a mother all over you, wanting to talk to you, show an interest into your day, hug you, love you. I guess that’s how life is when a mother can bond with her child and not just give them away to the grandparents.