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You make me want to listen to those love ballads I always pass over because they are cheesy. Yeah I know. I'm hooked.

You make me smile, just because you are you. You say things that are so sweet. I've come to look forward to them. I never have to fish or beg for kindness.

My anxiety says we've fallen for that before. It never lasts. They are all just looking for reasons to hurt me.

My anxiety is killing me.

I just... want you.
I am falling hard for words on a screen.
And if this is just that...
If that's all it can be for now....
I'm okay.
Because oof...
I don't wanna lose this.

Damn.

I'm distracted by you.
We're texting.
I'm being werid.
I'm fucking it up.
I'm chasing you away.
I should stop bothering you.
I'll stop.

I miss you. Shit.

Ding.
More words on the screen.
You keep replying.
I'm bewildered.

I crave you.

I'm so afraid of you.
That you'll hurt me
Cheat
Lie
Steal
Use me
Hit me.

I should save myself from this pain.

You ding again.
Dammit.
Just like that- my anxiety melts away.
You always say just the right thing.

You're in pain.
I apologize.
You say it's fine.
I'm not apologizing because you're in pain. I apologize for having problems when you're in pain. Or happy. Or mad. Or any feeling really. Because my feelings are not valid...

Its taking time to convince my brain that you are not them. All of those who I let in before. All of those who destroyed me.

God this is good.
Feels right.
How did I go my entire life not feeling this?
The pull is intense.
The chemistry is wild.

Please don't give up on me.