Home For The Holidays

Christmas had been very different for us. We were used to big get togethers with family and friends. This year it was just those in our bubble. It still seemed liked quite a few people but we never got together with them all at once plus we made sure to know who had been where just in case. Thankfully no one in our immediate group had been sick. Everyone had changed or cancelled their normal holiday plans. Most had cancelled their entire year.

We were those people.

Normally Brian would have put out a new album and been on tour. I would have joined them along with our three and a half year old daughter Harlow. During his off time we would have gone on a family vacation. Instead both of us were working from home. Me more than him. When I was working Brian was spending time with Harlow. Time he wouldn't have had with her had he been on tour. We stayed home as much as possible. Instead of going to our favorite restaurants we would get take out. Have fast food or whatever we were in the mood for delivered to us. As for grocery shopping we did a bit of everything. In store, curbside pick up, and having our groceries delivered. It really all depended on what we needed, when we needed it and which store it was coming from.

Living in southern California had it's advantages. We are able to grill all year round. We have our own pool so we didn't really need to go to the beach though it was killing Brian not to be able to go surfing while the beach had been closed. Now if he goes it's early in the morning when no one is there. For Harlow's birthday we had made sure to get her a large sandbox. She loved playing in the sand and since the beach was off limits we wanted to make sure our little girl had as much normalcy as we could give to her. At first she didn't understand why we weren't allowed to go to certain places anymore but after we sat down and explained it to her the best we could she began to like certain changes. The only thing she didn't like was that she couldn't go to the park anymore to play.

Harlow had been looking forward to Halloween. She had already picked out her costume but when it was announced they were cancelling trick or treating she broke down in tears. We still let her dress up and took her to her grandparents house who gave her plenty of candy. It seemed to help but it just wasn't the same. Thanksgiving was spent at Brian's father's house. It was just the three of us, his father and step mother, his little sister McKenna, his brother Brent and his wife Val, and his grandma Florence. We did zoom with family that couldn't be there and it just hit me how different Christmas was going to be. We had been buying presents throughout the year but Harlow was pretty sad that she wouldn't be able to see Santa. I told her we could write to Santa and drop it in the mail so she would still be able to tell him what she wanted. That seemed to boost her spirits. We spent the next day writing the letter and I even took her with me so she could see that I was indeed sending her letter off to Santa.

Before the virus hit the US my dad came over telling us we should start stocking up on certain things just in case. I was more worried than Brian but decided it might be for the best. I had no plans of buying out an entire store but just certain items that I knew we would need. Hand Sanitizer, soap, disinfectant wipes and other various cleaning supplies. I made a trip to both Costco and Sam's Club along with my dad who of course put extra things in my cart. Paper towels, medicine, tissues, even toilet paper. He said 'just in case'.

I hate to admit that he was right.

I never thought in a million years that toilet paper would fly off the shelves the way that it did. Both my dad and I knew we would be under a lock down if and when cases hit the US and we were right about that too. Brian and I knew that seeing our families was going to be extremely hard. We decided we'd keep a group of people in our bubble. People we could see and everyone else would have to be FaceTime and over Zoom. It wasn't easy but we did it. A lot of family members ended up sending our Christmas presents via UPS and FedEx. We ended up doing the same.

It's now Christmas Eve and we are exhausted. Except of course for Harlow. She's been bouncing off the walls with excitement. I wish I had that kind of energy. We just home from Brian's father's house and Brian was currently unloading our SUV with all the gifts we had received. He was making his way inside from the fifth load and I had to keep from laughing at the look on his face.

"Baby, our kid is spoiled as fuck."

I tilted my head as I chucked softly. "You are just figuring this out?"

He only shook his head and headed back out for the next load. Looking over the pile of gifts that had now taken over our entry way I could see why he was already exhausted. Some of the gifts were quite big and heavy so they could only be brought in one at a time. Like the tv Brian had gotten for his home studio.

"Finally!" He announced setting the last of the gifts onto the floor. "I am so glad we are having Christmas here tomorrow."

"Oh we aren't done just yet babe."

"We aren't?" He asked looking at me confused.

"We still have to put all of this away."

Brian pretended to cry which only made me laugh louder mainly because this wasn't even half of what I am sure we were going to be getting on Christmas day. Especially Harlow who was anxiously waiting for Santa to arrive. When I was a kid we always opened our stockings on Christmas Eve but Brian and I decided we would do Christmas sacks instead. I actually really liked the idea. We had custom bags made that we could just stick under the tree. I still hung up stockings because it just didn't look right without them.

Since we had already eaten dinner Brian gave Harlow her bath early so we could do our Christmas Eve traditions. Open our sacks and watch a movie in our home theater with all the movie snacks we could ever want. While we could buy out an entire store we opted for just a few things. We would make popcorn then each of us could pick two snacks of our choice and a drink. Harlow came running into our family room in her Christmas jammies and a wet head. Brian followed closely behind with Harlow's brush in his hand.

"Can we open presents now Mommy?" She asked as she adjusted her Care Bear in her arms. Sweet Dreams Bear was the stuffed animal she insisted on sleeping with every night.

"As soon you let Daddy comb out your hair and dry it just a little bit more."

Without a word she took off towards our downstairs bathroom with Brian hot on her heels. I took that time to move the sacks out from underneath the tree knowing Harlow would want to tear right into them as soon as she got back. To keep her from running through the house again Brian carried her in his arms and set her down beside her sack. She just looked at me with the cutest face she could muster up and I told her she could but only if she went slowly and we took turns opening them up. She agreed and we each took turns and our time opening what was in our sacks. Harlow would gasp and squeal each time she opened something and would get up all excited if we opened something she had gotten for us. Each sack had six wrapped gifts and just watching how excited Harlow was enough for me. Sure I loved my gifts but I can just imagine my three year old self acting exactly like my daughter.

"We watch this?" Harlow asked holding up the movie she had just unwrapped. Brian and I got her Mickey's Christmas Carol in hopes she would want to watch it. She was Disney obsessed so as soon as she saw it her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.

I knew she would probably fall asleep half way through the movie so before we went to watch it I told her we should get the milk and cookies ready for Santa. Before I could even finish getting the words out she was already on her way to the kitchen. Brian chuckled and said he'd clean up the mess. Following Harlow I got down the plate we were going to use and set her step stool up to the counter. She had already picked out the cookies she wanted to give to him and I watched as she set three of them down on the plate. One a Christmas tree, one a star, and one a candy cane. Harlow wanted to pour the milk but I wasn't about to let her do it by herself so she let me help her and was so proud of how the plate looked. She asked me if I would carry the milk while she carried the plate of cookies because she was afraid she'd drop the glass. I told her I would before following her back to the family room. She carefully set the plate down on a nearby table and watched as I set the glass of milk down beside it.

"Okay peanut now that Santa has his little snack we can go watch the movie." Brian said as he held it up. He had taken it out of the packaging while cleaning up and Harlow jumped with joy. Picking her up in his arms Brian gave me a kiss before taking her to our home theater room while I went to pop the popcorn.



Brian carried Harlow up to her bed and just like we thought she fell asleep halfway through the movie. She had been so excited to watch the movie and even with the M&M mini's and popcorn she still managed to fall asleep. Our rules for Christmas are there are no rules. Christmas only comes once a year and we want our daughter and any future children to build memories and traditions that they would want to pass on to their own kids.

"So what time do you think Santa will come?" Brian asked as he came up behind me while I looking at our tree.

"Oh not for at least another hour or two. You know he won't come if we're still awake." I told him with a smirk.

"I know, right? And we are going to need all the sleep we can get. Harlow will be up at the butt crack of dawn to open presents. If not before." He yawned. I was just as tired as he was. With Harlow being three and a half she had more energy than both of us combined and with Christmas now here she seemed to have found more.

"It's probably good that Harlow will be waking us up." I started as we made our way up to our bedroom. "Dad will be here bright and early. I swear it's like having another child."

"Don't you usually say that about me?" Brian asked as removed his shirt. I nodded.

"All the time."

He stuck his tongue out at me making me laugh. We got ready for bed before he announced that he was going to go check on Harlow and make sure she was still asleep. He was gone a while and I was nearly asleep when I felt the bed move and strong arms wrap around my waist. Brian kissed my cheek and snuggled with me under the blanket. I don't remember a thing until the next morning when Harlow was bouncing around our room yelling that it was Christmas. Brian groaned and pulled the covers over his head which caused Harlow to laugh before she grabbed the blanket and pulled it off of him.

"Get up Daddy!"

I laughed at how demanding she was with him and watched as my husband rolled over to face her. His dark locks were sticking up all over the place. Even more so than when he was on stage for a concert. Harlow only smiled up at him as he pretended to be angry with her. It only lasted about two seconds when he chuckled and decided he better get up before she drug him out of the bed. Glancing over at the clock I saw it was six forty two and was surprised she had slept in this long. Knowing I only had a few minutes to spare before Harlow would start yelling for me I got up to use the bathroom before making my way downstairs.



We were now sat around the tree ready to open our gifts. I had already began pre-heating the oven for my ham so I wouldn't have to rush to do it later on. As soon as the oven beeped and the ham was in we were free to do whatever we wanted. Harlow was so excited to see that Santa had come and couldn't wait to rip the wrapping paper off of whatever he had gotten for her. I think she was more excited to do that than open what we had gotten her. To keep her from shredding everything open we did the same thing we did with our sacks and took turns opening gifts. Since Harlow had so many we let her do two at a time. That seemed to make her happy. One gift from Santa then one from us. We were about halfway through when the doorbell rang. Harlow who had been completely focused on her gifts ran for the door with me hot on her heels.

"Gandpa!" She shouted after I unlocked and opened the door.

"There's my little princess." He smiled scooping her up in his arms.

"I thought I was your little princess?" I asked as he made his way inside. He said nothing as he smirked at me. I only rolled my eyes and shut the door before following them into the family room. He set Harlow on her feet before asking Brian if he'd help him bring presents in.

"There better not be a fucking U-Haul in my driveway." I heard Brian asked as they reached the front door. "Son of a bitch."

"Can I help clean up Mommy?" Harlow asked seeing the floor covered in torn up pieces of wrapping paper.

I smiled at her before pulling her in my arms and kissing her cheek. "Yes you may."

Harlow and I cleaned up the wrapping paper while Brian and my dad started hauling in the presents. I knew my dad well enough to know that there was in fact a U-Haul in the driveway and that he had once again gone overboard. He loved giving gifts. It didn't matter to him if he was giving a box of chocolate or a house it made him happy and I was not about to take that happiness away from him. Once everything was inside my dad announced he was going to make breakfast for us. Harlow followed him wanting to help almost forgetting about the rest of her presents but she knew as soon as we were done eating we'd be right back at it. Especially now that there was even more to open.

Heading into the kitchen I knew my dad had one of three things planned for breakfast. Either Nutella Crepes with Strawberries, peanut butter and banana toast with granola and honey or his infamous Christmas Morning French Toast. Upon seeing the casserole dish I knew it was the french toast. It was something he used to make when I was a kid and I loved it. Since it had to go into the oven and had to soak the night before Harlow didn't really get to help other than being allowed to pre-heat the oven. My dad suggested that while we wait we open a few more presents. I told them to start without me since I needed to check on the ham. It was baking just fine so I made my way back to the family room and as soon as I sat down Harlow tore into one of the presents that my dad had gotten for her.



All the gifts were open with the exception of what we had gotten for my extended family. A group of people that always took care of me when my dad was away shooting a movie. A group of people that have always welcomed me and treated me like one of their own. The Sullivan's. Jimmy and I were in the same Kindergarden class. A boy sitting across from me had snatched the crayon from my hand and broke it in half. I remember him laughing as I began to cry. The next thing I knew that boy was on the floor crying. Jimmy had punched him and pushed him out of his chair. From that moment on Jimmy and I were the best of friends. If it weren't for Jimmy I never would have met Brian or have the life that I have today. I owe him everything.

Mrs. Sullivan was going to be helping me with the food. She had offered to make a turkey breast and bring some rolls. She was also going to be making her famous brown butter carrots. They were something I loved when I was a kid and now they are something that Harlow loves as well. She was almost more excited about having carrots today then she was about opening her presents. Mrs. Sullivan had insisted for years that I call her mom. In a way she kind of was. She was more of a mom than my own mother was. Even Harlow called her 'Gammy Sully'. It was Gammy Sully, Gandpa Doe, Uncle Dimmy, Aunt Kelwy, and Aunt Katie. I guess Katie was the lucky one cause she had the only name that Harlow could actually pronounce correctly.

"Whatcha working on babe?" Brian asked asked me as he glanced over my shoulder. I had already got the water going for my macaroni and cheese so while I waited for it to come to a boil I decided to get my one and only appetizer ready to go.

"I'm making my charcuterie."

"You're making a what?"

I laughed just before he picked up a slice of salami and popped it into his mouth. "Charcuterie. It's a meat and cheese platter."

"So why not just call it that then?"

"Well I guess I could but it's so much more fun seeing how you get all confused when I say charcuterie."

He rolled his eyes and grabbed one of the grapes that I just washed. "You know how I am with that kind of shit. Simple baby, simple."

I laughed again and began to assemble the board. It was quite big and I could easily fit everything onto it. I had decided to do two of everything. Two meats, two cheeses, two types of crackers, two fruits, two nuts, and two different kinds of dips. The only thing I did more than two of were the vegetables. I wanted it to be things I knew everyone liked and things I knew went well together. Harlow wasn't the biggest fan of bell peppers but I knew she would devour the cucumbers and celery sticks. She loved the herb and garlic cream cheese almost as much as ranch dressing. Not long after I set the board on the counter I heard the words 'Uncle Dimmy' shouted from my daughter's mouth.

"There's my little Harlinator!" Jimmy scooped Harlow into his arms and left a bunch of kisses all over her face as she squealed. "Was Santa good to you? If he wasn't I'll kick his ass."

"James Owen Sullivan! Language!" I shouted knowing full well Harlow would repeat what he said. The guys have swore around her since before she was born but I knew my daughter well enough to know she would go around saying she was going to kick someone's ass cause in her mind because Uncle Jimmy said it it was cool.

"Sorry Butterfly." He set Harlow down and ran over to hug me. This man loved with all of his heart and while he tended to get into trouble a lot he had a heart of gold. He let me go and went into the kitchen to investigate the food so I followed closely behind knowing he would try to sneak as much of it as he could. He would give me that cute little smile he knew I couldn't resist and I would end up giving in. Jimmy did the same thing to me that Harlow and I did to Brian.

The next hour was spent with Mrs. Sullivan, my dad, and I in the kitchen getting the food ready. Katie offered to help prep food or clean up while Kelly and Mr. Sullivan occupied Harlow. Brian and Jimmy were doing who knows what but I smiled hearing them laughing as they made their way into the kitchen.

"I'm hungry." Jimmy whined before grabbing a piece of cheese and a cracker. "How long until the food is ready?"

"Probably twenty to thirty minutes." I told him as I peeked into the oven through the door. My macaroni and cheese as well as my roasted potatoes were baking wonderfully and the only other things we were waiting for were the carrots. The green beans would only take a couple minutes on the stove and I would do them just before we sat down to eat.

Jimmy whined again when Brian took the last piece of pepperoni on the board. "Hey! I was gonna eat that Gates!"

"If you really want it I can give it back."

"Boys!" Mrs. Sullivan said and I watched as both Jimmy and Brian froze in their spots just staring at her. I grinned to myself and had to keep from laughing. I felt like I had two more kids in the house. "That's what I thought. It's Christmas can you two just sit down and be quiet or do I need to put you in time out?"

"We'll be good." Both Brian and Jimmy grumbled before walking away. They immediately started shoving each other as soon as they rounded the corner.

"Okay honey, all that's left now I think are the carrots then we can eat."

Harlow perked up hearing about the carrots and climbed up onto her stool so she could watch. She knew she wasn't going to be able to help and I think she was hoping if she was good she would get the first one. The food was finally finished and on large platters that were now covering our island and parts of our countertops. We were serving buffet style and since Brian and Jimmy complained about being hungry so many times Mrs. Sullivan told them they would get their food last and have to do the dishes. Harlow was secretly hoping they'd be put into time out.

Everyone had free reign of where they wanted to sit. They could sit at the dining room table if they wanted or in one of the four chairs at our island. Harlow wanted to sit at the island but she wanted my dad, Jimmy, and Mr. Sullivan to eat with her. Brian pouted cause she had chosen every boy but him.

"But I made you."

She giggled from her chair and used her fork to stab one of her carrots that was on her plate. "Sowwy Daddy. I love you." She said quickly and shoved the carrot into her mouth. "Mmmm."

After everyone was finished eating we went to open presents. The last batch of presents to be exact. Just like I imagined my dad spoiled everyone. Getting everything from Apple products to small kitchen appliances to electronics and everything in between. While the presents were great I was soaking up the time I had with this special group of people. People that had been in my life since I was five. They were my second family and always would be.



"Two nights in a row she fell asleep without having to be read to." Brian whispered into my ear as we stood in the doorway of Harlow's bedroom. She was now fast asleep in her bed after another long and exciting day. Everyone had gone home hours before and Mrs. Sullivan not only let me keep the remaining food she had brought but she also made me a chocolate yule cake that no one was allowed to touch. She'd smacked Jimmy's hand at least three times when she caught him trying to cut himself a piece.

"I know. We may have to change Christmas movie night to the day before Christmas Eve so we can read her the book your mom got for her." Jan, Brian's mother gifted Harlow Twas The Night Before Christmas and I know Brian had been looking forward to reading it to her.

"I think that is a good idea my love." Brian kissed my cheek before we very quietly shut the door to Harlow's room and made our way down the hall to our own. "I think today was a success."

"I think so too. It was different than what we are used to but honestly I am just happy we were even able to do it."

"Me too baby." He said as he slipped out of his shirt. "I am too fucking tired to take a shower tonight but I would very much like to cuddle with my wife before bed."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Cuddle? Brian Haner Jr. wants to cuddle? Who are you and what have you done with my husband?" I asked before dodging the pillow he threw at me.

"I may not say it but I cuddle with you every night little lady." He said before growling. "And I'm gonna do it now so get your fine ass over here or I'll come across this bed and get you myself."

Without a word I took off running and shrieked when he came flying across the bed to try to catch me. He missed the first time but it wasn't long before I felt his strong arms wrap around my waist and pull me back to him.

"Gotcha! Now are you gonna be a good girl?"

I sighed. "I guess.. if I have to."

"That's exactly what I thought." He said before playfully tossing me onto the bed. "Merry fucking Christmas to me."