Absolute Gravity

Heat seeped into my body and warmed my chilled bones. The ache slowly ebbed away. And the last thing I remembered was being in that room with Rebecca Barnes. The memory had taken control again. Forced me to live it. The pain—the need to connect with her had been so sharp I couldn’t fight it.

What felt like seconds ago was now years. So much had happened since that meeting. And by the time I realized it was just a memory—I was already staring at a wall of tiles. I blinked the haze of memory out of my eyes. Water was spraying down my back. And the heat of it must have eased the ache long enough for me to resurface. I was running my hands through my hair. Washing out conditioner.

I dropped my hands, partially to study them, and the watch still secured to my wrist. Partly just to prove that I could control them again. That this was real. I was no longer that hopeful woman in California. The scars were jagged. Sharp reminders of everything that had happened since I sat with Rebecca.

Real.

“There you are,” I whispered. But it wasn’t me speaking. Chaos.

“What have I missed?”

“Liv showed up last night. She’s down in the lab working with Bucky and the others. They sent me up here to shower.”

“The others?”

“Bucky called for help.”

“From?”

“Banner.” I let out a heavy sigh.

“Is it that bad?”

“It’s bad.”

“How are we both aware right now?”

“I’ve been trying to find a way to keep you conscious while taking your pain at the same time.”

“To relinquish control?”

“I didn’t say that. But you deserve to know what’s happening to you. Bucky won’t tell me things he only reserves for you. Even though I’ll hear it anyway.”

“Are you jealous?”

“We’re the same person. Hurt maybe. Not jealous.”

“We’re not the same person.”

“Two entities. One body. Everything you felt with him, I felt too.” I felt my fists clench without meaning to do it. “Ah,” she said. “That’s definitely jealousy.”

“I didn’t share him intentionally. And I don’t think he would have touched me if he’d known.”

“He wouldn’t have. He’s barely nice when he knows it’s me. If I wasn’t inhabiting your body, I doubt he’d help me at all.”

“It is jealousy.”

“I don’t want him the way you do. I’ve always been many. Humans are strange in their selfish tendencies regarding love. I care for him. But he’s yours. Both of you have made that abundantly clear. Regardless of how either of us feels, I want you to be aware of everything going on. I’m trying to draw you out.” I shook my head and resumed rinsing my hair. My fingers still ached, but at least I could wash myself.

“There’s still something I’m missing. I wish you’d just tell me so we can get it figured out.”

“If you knew, I would know.”

“Yeah, but if you want to talk about selfish tendencies. Why don’t we talk about you keeping things to yourself?”

She didn’t answer, and I could feel that my hair was clean. So I hurried to towel off and put my clothes back on. Just a pair of comfy sweats and a t-shirt I didn’t recognize as my own. It was warm and smelled faintly of men’s cologne. I had a feeling I knew exactly where it had come from. And that jealousy rushed up inside me again. I knew it was stupid to be jealous. I knew he didn’t care about Chaos, and the shirt had probably been handed over just for me. But the fact that she cared about him just rubbed me the wrong way. I didn’t think she was capable of love the same way I was. But she’d been there for every moment. Had felt every kiss and every touch. And they were never meant to be shared between anyone but me and him.

I had to hold the counter to stay upright. And walking out of the bathroom and back into the lab would be an even bigger journey. I opened the door and stared down the long hallway of Tony’s cabin. I couldn’t hear anyone, and I wasn’t sure how long it had been since I woke up. Or Chaos did, anyway. I couldn’t even pinpoint the time since I last saw Bucky.

But I wasn’t hungry, and the scent of recently cooked food still hung in the air. When I pressed my hand to the wall to guide me down the hall, I heard the sound of dishes clinking in the kitchen. Someone began to sing quietly. Out of key and with incorrect lyrics. I recognized his voice immediately. Not Bucky or even Sam like I expected. But Graham.

I got to the kitchen doorway just as he burst into the chorus. He was putting the dishes away, still singing along to the song in his mind and whipping a dishtowel around like a maniac. He did a spin and finally noticed me. The startled shriek he let out made us both jump.

“Jesus, Jo!” he yelled, hand over his heart. The dishtowel ended up on the floor, and he leaned against his knee. I opened my mouth to say something, but he kept going before I could get anything to come out. “Or is it Chaos? I can never tell. You both look and act the same. Are the same. I don’t know how this works. This entire experience has been really weird.”

“You—you’ve been talking to her? How long have you been here?” He looked up and nodded.

“The past few days. Bucky won’t remember to eat if someone doesn’t remind him. And he’s bad at focusing. So I offered to come by and cook meals.”

“I see.”

“You’re not Chaos, are you?”

“No.”

He let out a boyish grin before leaping forward and throwing his arms around me. I jostled against his chest, and the movement was sharp enough that my bones rattled like broken glass. The ache stabbed through me again, and my eyes blackened. I must have made a sound because he held me back by my shoulders. I felt my body sway.

“You hurt her,” I heard Bucky say from behind me. Then I was being lifted into his arms and settled more gently against his chest.

“Sorry. I was just really happy to see it’s actually her.”

“Be more careful.”

“It’s not his fault,” I pointed out. Though I couldn’t get my eyes back open.

“Pain makes you go away.”

“And everything hurts.”

“Stay with me. With us.”

“I’m trying.”

I was failing.