‹ Prequel: From Darkness
Status: Updates Weekly
Absolute Gravity
Twenty-Two
There were memories I didn’t like. Things that ached and burned but were necessary in helping me understand. I’d learned to recognize them. To ground myself when the memories swallowed me. But now it was just agony. Violence and rage. My body burned. The screaming was inhuman. A screeching, searing kind of agony that burned through my whole body until I was screaming too.
There was no peace. No comfort. Just the screaming until it faded into pain. The deep, penetrating kind that forced me into silence when I wanted, needed, to understand.
And that voice. Over and over.
“I’m here,” Bucky said. “I’m alive. They’re all alive. You’re not alone.”
I cried. Unable to follow that voice. Unable to conjure memories and images. There was nothing to bring any comfort. I wasn’t even sure I existed in a body. Only pain. And that voice.
“Jo, I’m here.”
“Jo.”
“Jo.”
“C’mon, Kid.”
Not Bucky. But Happy. I felt the nano-suit release me. Felt his arms under me as he tried to pull me to my feet. Blood had pooled on my face and dripped down the front of my shirt. Black, viscous blood. “I’ve got you.” My body was weak. But I had one. Even if the only sensation I understood was pain.
This wasn’t right.
I was supposed to be somewhere else.
I had no memory of this.
He lifted me but struggled to get me up. He wasn’t built for carrying my dead weight. So he did his best to drag me to the bed around the corner and drop me onto the mattress.
“Is she okay?” Someone else. Liv?
“She’s alive.”
“Does she know?”
“I don’t know. But something set her off. Someone was in here.”
“Have you found Clara yet?”
“No. But we’re checking all the feeds.”
“The sound of her name woke something urgent in me. I tried to claw my way out of the Darkness, but I was just a passenger now. They nestled the body, my body, into the soft cushions of the bed, and then Happy was cleaning the blood from my face with a scratchy rag.
I had no memory of this moment. Was this something new? Something Chaos was making up. But she couldn’t make things up. Not fully. She could only form images from my actual memories. Not force me to see something that had never happened.
“Clara,” she choked out. I choked out. But it wasn’t me speaking these words. It was Chaos. “She was—I don’t understand.”
“I know. It’s alright, Kid.” He smoothed my hair back off my face, trying to get me to wake up.
“Where’s Clara?” I asked.
“We don’t know. We’re still trying to figure out what happened. You just rest, alright? You’ll be okay. Just get some sleep.” I shook my head in confusion.
“Something’s wrong.”
“I know. We’re working on it.”
“No—Happy—you don’t understand. I can’t feel her.” I gripped his arm and forced him to look at me. He stared in confusion.
“Feel who?”
“Jo.”
Then I understood. I’d never seen this moment before because it didn’t belong to me. Chaos was showing it to me. Showing me a memory where she’d run free with my body while I was unconscious.
Happy looked at me like he thought I was insane. He pried my fingers from his arm and set my hand on the bed.
“Get some rest,” he told me. “We’ll figure everything out, okay?”
I had no choice but to oblige. Chaos had never really taken control before. Not like this. The body was in agony. The eyes didn’t want to stay open.
“What is this?” I asked. “Why can’t I remember this?”
“Because I want you to see what I saw when you were gone.”
“Where was I?”
“The same place you are now. A memory. You went to a safe place.”
“Where?”
The memory shifted. Showing me a glimpse of the place I’d taken myself to when the pain became too much. For a moment, I was back in Romania. On that mattress on the floor. The sleeping bag was scratchy against my skin, and there was a heavy weight on me. I could feel his chest rise and fall with every breath. The comfortable way he slept on me. I peeled my eyes open and looked down at him, his head against my bare chest, his arm wrapped tight around me, leg tucked between my own. I ran my fingers through his hair.
“I love you,” I told him. He lifted his head and looked right at me.
“Wake up,” he said.
There was no peace. No comfort. Just the screaming until it faded into pain. The deep, penetrating kind that forced me into silence when I wanted, needed, to understand.
And that voice. Over and over.
“I’m here,” Bucky said. “I’m alive. They’re all alive. You’re not alone.”
I cried. Unable to follow that voice. Unable to conjure memories and images. There was nothing to bring any comfort. I wasn’t even sure I existed in a body. Only pain. And that voice.
“Jo, I’m here.”
“Jo.”
“Jo.”
“C’mon, Kid.”
Not Bucky. But Happy. I felt the nano-suit release me. Felt his arms under me as he tried to pull me to my feet. Blood had pooled on my face and dripped down the front of my shirt. Black, viscous blood. “I’ve got you.” My body was weak. But I had one. Even if the only sensation I understood was pain.
This wasn’t right.
I was supposed to be somewhere else.
I had no memory of this.
He lifted me but struggled to get me up. He wasn’t built for carrying my dead weight. So he did his best to drag me to the bed around the corner and drop me onto the mattress.
“Is she okay?” Someone else. Liv?
“She’s alive.”
“Does she know?”
“I don’t know. But something set her off. Someone was in here.”
“Have you found Clara yet?”
“No. But we’re checking all the feeds.”
“The sound of her name woke something urgent in me. I tried to claw my way out of the Darkness, but I was just a passenger now. They nestled the body, my body, into the soft cushions of the bed, and then Happy was cleaning the blood from my face with a scratchy rag.
I had no memory of this moment. Was this something new? Something Chaos was making up. But she couldn’t make things up. Not fully. She could only form images from my actual memories. Not force me to see something that had never happened.
“Clara,” she choked out. I choked out. But it wasn’t me speaking these words. It was Chaos. “She was—I don’t understand.”
“I know. It’s alright, Kid.” He smoothed my hair back off my face, trying to get me to wake up.
“Where’s Clara?” I asked.
“We don’t know. We’re still trying to figure out what happened. You just rest, alright? You’ll be okay. Just get some sleep.” I shook my head in confusion.
“Something’s wrong.”
“I know. We’re working on it.”
“No—Happy—you don’t understand. I can’t feel her.” I gripped his arm and forced him to look at me. He stared in confusion.
“Feel who?”
“Jo.”
Then I understood. I’d never seen this moment before because it didn’t belong to me. Chaos was showing it to me. Showing me a memory where she’d run free with my body while I was unconscious.
Happy looked at me like he thought I was insane. He pried my fingers from his arm and set my hand on the bed.
“Get some rest,” he told me. “We’ll figure everything out, okay?”
I had no choice but to oblige. Chaos had never really taken control before. Not like this. The body was in agony. The eyes didn’t want to stay open.
“What is this?” I asked. “Why can’t I remember this?”
“Because I want you to see what I saw when you were gone.”
“Where was I?”
“The same place you are now. A memory. You went to a safe place.”
“Where?”
The memory shifted. Showing me a glimpse of the place I’d taken myself to when the pain became too much. For a moment, I was back in Romania. On that mattress on the floor. The sleeping bag was scratchy against my skin, and there was a heavy weight on me. I could feel his chest rise and fall with every breath. The comfortable way he slept on me. I peeled my eyes open and looked down at him, his head against my bare chest, his arm wrapped tight around me, leg tucked between my own. I ran my fingers through his hair.
“I love you,” I told him. He lifted his head and looked right at me.
“Wake up,” he said.
♠ ♠ ♠
So I forgot to mention one more issue I'm having that's keeping me from updating as frequently. My laptop is slowly dying. The case is cracked and some of the keys don't work properly. I'm mostly noticing issues with the A key. Which is, unfortunately, a vital letter. Haha. It's not dirty or stuck or anything. As you can see, I'm using it. It just sometimes (most of the time) doesn't actually respond when I hit it. I have to poke it several times (sometimes a lot) to get one a. Which is really frustrating when you're trying to get into the writing zone and have to keep pausing because every A is missing. The spacebar is also starting to do it (though not as bad). I keep an A copied so it's not as annoying. But it's just an extra step for a single letter. Which just makes me so aggravated that I don't even want to write.The good news is that this story is mostly complete. I'm just doing some editing and reworking of chapters. And fall is when I have the most creative motivation. So hopefully I'll have more frequent updates. The bad news is that I can't afford a new computer at all. So if/when this one finally kicks the bucket, idk what I'll do. Probably disappear for a bit. But just know that it wasn't a choice. :/ I did get an external hard drive just in case. But I haven't transferred everything over yet. So I'm probably tempting fate a bit (I should really do that). Anyway, I'll let you get back to your day. Sorry for killing Graham and Clara.