Above The Clouds

r pitch black, no street lights on the high way. The only light came from the dashboard controls and the occasional car passing by on their way in the opposite direction. A lidded cup of McDonald’s coffee in the cup holder between the front seats was my only relief form the sleepiness lurking around the corner. A CD revolving in the player – Paul Weller singing ‘Wishing On A Star’, my only company. Both hands on the steering wheel, one occasionally leaving to run through my hair. A few stray tresses had escaped the ribbon, mixing with the loose fringe framing my face with the tired eyes. My mother always said I looked like a ragamuffin at any given time, and I had long since stopped arguing against it. If there was one thing could be said about my mother, you could never get her to change her opinion unless able to provide solid proof she was wrong. I thought I’d done so when proving Alan wasn’t the crooked liar she thought him to be, but rather a caring soul who would make the perfect step-dad for Marissa.

‘Fool...’ I thought to myself, eyes on the road.

I had been mistaken. I never saw any signs that Alan was horrible to Rissa, or that he was skimming my bank account. Not until the bank and my sister called on the same day, stating something wasn’t right. It was revealed that Alan had managed to transfer half of my monthly salary to his personal account for half a year, somehow without me finding out, as well as writing over the ownership of my house to himself. Karen, my sister, told me that Rissa had confided in her, admitting that her step-dad was abusing her verbally as well as treating her in a generally degrading manner. When I wasn’t within earshot, of course.

A deer threw itself across the road, the huge brown eyes reflecting the light from my headlights as I slammed my foot on the break pedal, praying I wouldn’t hit it. Bumper connected with flank and sent the animal tumbling. Wide-eyed, I watched as it scrambled to its feet, apparently somewhat shaken but not injured as far as I could make out in the darkness. Twenty seconds rest, then it was gone. I closed my eyes, allowing myself some deep breaths before easing my foot off the break. Having regained my composure, I turned around in my seat to find my daughter still sleeping. That girl could sleep through and earthquake, surely. Smiling slightly, I turned my attention forwards again, putting my Toyota Auris back in motion. Black as the surrounding night it was. No wonder the deer hadn’t thought twice.

“Above the clouds
What’s to be found?
I have to wonder
Oh, will I be alright?” Weller sang as I got some paper napkins from the glove box to mop up the spilt coffee. I then help myself to what’s left in the cup, the run-in with the deer having given me an adrenaline rush that was now fading away gradually. Alan was having his Saturday morning coffee when I confronted him about the things I’d been told. What got me nearly speechless was how he didn’t make any attempt to deny any of it. As if I’d accused him of breaking the lawnmower or something equally bleak in comparison. Rissa was sleeping at the time, something I was in retrospect very thankful for. I wouldn’t have wanted her to hear the accusations being made in our kitchen that July morning.

I almost drove past my turn-off, immersed in thought as I was. While the case was on trying to get the ownership of my house back, I’d decided to take Rissa with me to mother’s. Because, no matter how stubborn she can be, my mother never closed the door on any of her daughters, and I knew she wouldn’t hold my mistakes against me. After all, she was my mother. Even though she’d probably give me her ‘well, what did I say?’