Chocolate Fudge Brownie Love

I thought about him for the rest of the week, he was in my dreams and I kept my cell phone with me all the time hoping he’d call or something. Memories from the night we had shared had become clearer and I wished I could go back to that morning after. Maybe I could have done it differently? No, I forced myself not to think about him. You don’t need love remember! I was not going to become one of those girls who say they don’t need love and then when someone comes along who show the least interest, throws everything about being independent out the window. That was not going to happen to me. I threw the phone onto my bed and grabbed my computer I needed to write. I could feel it! It’s like a feeling you can’t put into words you just know that this time it might result in something.

This night it did:

Perfection…
…is the state of being without a single flaw or defect.
…the missing piece of the puzzle that is my life.
…there are no pills for perfection, no medication that would create the illusion of what is perfection.
…I’ve spent a life time worth of time looking for perfection.
…he is perfection, because he, he is beautiful.

There was a relief when I looked at the computer, I had started something. Something that had survived the delete button. The rest of the night and all the way to the morning I kept writing without thinking about it to much. There was something there and I was meant to find it, it just needed some time.
By eight I needed a break and pulled a coat on and then walked down the street to starbucks to get coffee. I smoked as I walked no thinking to much of where I was going.

“Oh my good! That is so hot!” Gallons of hot fluid all over my thighs and I’m screaming.

“I’m so sorry!” he said and I looked up. It was Gabe. Again my heart made a slight jump.

“Gabe, what are you doing here?” while wiping the coffee off with the napkin Gabe handed me.

“I ehm thought I’d bring you breakfast, but instead I poured it all over you.” Gabe seemed really sorry and carefully placed his hand on my back leading me towards my home.

“That is so sweet!” For a second the pain that had been so intense disappeared by the I-am-truly-sorry-smile. That was the first time I had really looked at Gabe, I’m mean really, really. You are going to call me a cliché but his eyes they did things to me. It was like the strangest thing, he had seen me naked and where I was the most vulnerable and exposed, jet I had never felt more secure in anyone else present.

“Yeah, but now you got your skin burned all over your thighs.” We reached the foot of the stairs which led to my door and we both stopped. “Are you okay?!”

“Yeah, the burning stopped.” I sat down on the step to look through my bags for my keys. I should really clean this. My bag was a place for dumping everything that I wasn’t holding in my hand for the moment.

“So where were you going when… you know…”

“Got burned by your friendly gesture?”

“Uhm, yeah I guess we can call it that!”

“Well I’m planning to call it that anyway if you don’t have any other suggestions.” A smiled dressed his face and it almost melted me. No! I was not falling! I don’t want love!

“I have no idea. Guess we’ll have to stick with plan A.” He said and I noticed he didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want him to leave either. Then I found my keys and stood up.

“So,”

“So, I guess this is bye then.” He put his hands in mine and for a moment they moved from side to side.

“A good bye!” I corrected him.

“Yeah, I good bye! I’ll see you around Vee.” I saw him leave and wished he wouldn’t. I opened my mouth to speak several times but closed it every time. There was nothing left to say. I didn’t want him to leave my life and go back to his own. Was this love? Was it the kind of love Juno had described?

Find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad moon, ugly, pretty, and handsome. The right person is still gonna think that the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person worth sticking with.

Could this be that? I would never know if I never gave it a shoot. Maybe for one I’d do things differently. I didn’t think more, I just ran.

“Gabe! Gabriel!” I called and he turned.

“Yeah?” There he was in front of me in all his glory and high.

“Would you maybe… possibly… I don’t know… want to have dinner with me sometime?” I took a chance, he could turn me down. He broke up with his ex girlfriend less than a week ago I would understand if he turned me down. Then again he wasn’t a man of time, he travels a lot and I had no idea of how much and when.

“Yeah, I’d love to,”

“Good!” I signed in relief.

“Good, I’ll call you!”

“You do that!” Then I turned home smiling, jumped into the shower and slept a full eight hours.

Suddenly I see, this is where I wanna be.