Chocolate Fudge Brownie Love
Eight
It was over in a second, I told him goodbye and left. I just felt so wrong next to him, the fans were getting too me and I felt myself distracting him from what was the most important to him, his music. Creativity was the thing we shared together and nothing else, I felt awkward around him and ugly. I hurt him when I told him that it wasn’t him, it was me. Like the useless cliche I was of a girl. I had told him how I’d known this was all on borrowed time that we were kidding ourselves that we could make this work. Once again I was allowing my lack of confidence to control my life. The words that he always seemed to have, were gone, he just stared down at the floor as I packed. The tears began to escape as I removed my extra pair of shoes from where they stood next to Gabe’s in his apartment.
We had been together for two months, back from warped tour and living the real life again. He was off to touring again all over the world and I was still in New York working on my new book that actually had five chapters now but it was still a slow process.
I don’t wanna talk, because it makes me feel sad
My life had become a struggle it was the one side of me that wanted to scream on the top of my lungs that I loved him but still I couldn’t love him to the extent that he deserved when I didn’t feel like I deserved to love him. Leaving him would become the hardest thing I ever had to do but I knew it was the right thing since I was ordinary but he wasn’t. He was bold and beautiful and designated for great things.
I closed my bag and got up from my knees, took my bag and walked over to the door where I let it rest on the rung. Slowly I walked back as he sat there on the bed wanting to tell him that it was a joke that I was only playing with him. But I wasn’t, I was dead seriously and he didn’t speak a word. I sat down next to him trying to show him compaction and wanting to explain even more but I couldn’t. Words wouldn’t be enough, when it came to love I was as clueless as new born.
“Don’t cry,” he pleaded and place his hand on my cheek and wiped them away with his thumb. His eyes wouldn’t meet mine and were instead placed on a spot on my chin. Though I knew that if he had meet mine I probably would have broken apart all together. Maybe this was the wrong things to do, my life would suck without him but I had to make a change. All my life had been about other and never did it seemed like I knew myself and what I needed.
“I don’t deserve not to,” his hand left my cheek and was once again placed on his lap. The gaze of his eyes placed on the floor. There was nothing more to say, nothing more to do and honestly I was stupid. Maybe I was not.
This summer:
He had lifted me up onto his back and carried me though the crowd one day. Then all the sudden he had began to run and my laughter had echoed on the pavement and he began to spin.
“Stop, you are making me dizzy!” I placed my hand in front of me trying to make the world move though I never stopped laughing.
“I just want you to feel how you make me feel!” he said simple but stopped and began walking instead. “Vera?”
“Yes, Gabe?”
“I’m really glad you came!”
“I am too!” I rested my forehead in the small dent in his neck. “Where are we going by the way?”
“Nowhere, I’m just showing you off you know!” that made my smile drop since I knew I was nothing to be showing off. His face hated me, or at least 89% of the female fan base they had. It was in the way they looked at me and asked.
“I SHE your girlfriend” they expected him to be with someone more glamorous, someone more like him at least. Not some writer with a weird since of stile and a wounded confidence.
Now:
There was nothing more to say then, his body language was telling me to just leave. Get out of his life so he could go and find a pretty blond more suiting on his arm than me. I got up and walked with determent steps across the floor, hoping this was right.
“Goodbye!”
“Why?”
“Because I knew you would never fight for me if you really saw me.”
Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye
We had been together for two months, back from warped tour and living the real life again. He was off to touring again all over the world and I was still in New York working on my new book that actually had five chapters now but it was still a slow process.
I don’t wanna talk, because it makes me feel sad
My life had become a struggle it was the one side of me that wanted to scream on the top of my lungs that I loved him but still I couldn’t love him to the extent that he deserved when I didn’t feel like I deserved to love him. Leaving him would become the hardest thing I ever had to do but I knew it was the right thing since I was ordinary but he wasn’t. He was bold and beautiful and designated for great things.
I closed my bag and got up from my knees, took my bag and walked over to the door where I let it rest on the rung. Slowly I walked back as he sat there on the bed wanting to tell him that it was a joke that I was only playing with him. But I wasn’t, I was dead seriously and he didn’t speak a word. I sat down next to him trying to show him compaction and wanting to explain even more but I couldn’t. Words wouldn’t be enough, when it came to love I was as clueless as new born.
“Don’t cry,” he pleaded and place his hand on my cheek and wiped them away with his thumb. His eyes wouldn’t meet mine and were instead placed on a spot on my chin. Though I knew that if he had meet mine I probably would have broken apart all together. Maybe this was the wrong things to do, my life would suck without him but I had to make a change. All my life had been about other and never did it seemed like I knew myself and what I needed.
“I don’t deserve not to,” his hand left my cheek and was once again placed on his lap. The gaze of his eyes placed on the floor. There was nothing more to say, nothing more to do and honestly I was stupid. Maybe I was not.
This summer:
He had lifted me up onto his back and carried me though the crowd one day. Then all the sudden he had began to run and my laughter had echoed on the pavement and he began to spin.
“Stop, you are making me dizzy!” I placed my hand in front of me trying to make the world move though I never stopped laughing.
“I just want you to feel how you make me feel!” he said simple but stopped and began walking instead. “Vera?”
“Yes, Gabe?”
“I’m really glad you came!”
“I am too!” I rested my forehead in the small dent in his neck. “Where are we going by the way?”
“Nowhere, I’m just showing you off you know!” that made my smile drop since I knew I was nothing to be showing off. His face hated me, or at least 89% of the female fan base they had. It was in the way they looked at me and asked.
“I SHE your girlfriend” they expected him to be with someone more glamorous, someone more like him at least. Not some writer with a weird since of stile and a wounded confidence.
Now:
There was nothing more to say then, his body language was telling me to just leave. Get out of his life so he could go and find a pretty blond more suiting on his arm than me. I got up and walked with determent steps across the floor, hoping this was right.
“Goodbye!”
“Why?”
“Because I knew you would never fight for me if you really saw me.”
Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye
♠ ♠ ♠
suddenly inspiration just comes, sorry for being away. But I'm back now, working on my original writing but its nice to go back to my fiction roots too.:)