Hydrogen Peroxide

When Alex came home, usually around half past twelve, he always followed the same routine. Shower (that is, if the shower was available and the water hadn’t been turned off), brush his teeth, listen to ‘For Lovers’ on vinyl and go to bed. Every night the same thing. He never ate, even if he would’ve been hungry. Chances were small there'd be anything edible in the house anyway, so why bother? And if he did find something, he wouldn't have been able to stomach it. All due to his job.

His job, yes. His nightly routine had started as a desperate attempt to pretend it was a job like any other, no peculiarities. Over time, it became a habit, a part of his by now numbed existence and a way to cope with the circumstances.

Alex worked as a rent boy. In exchange for money, he performed sexual favours of varying kinds on men of varying ages – mainly middle-aged men with declining family lives and troublesome issues. At least that was what Alex assumed lay behind their visits to the rundown house in the shadier parts of London town.

When circumstances had first forced him into the ‘business’, as some of the boys referred to it, Alex had been a sad sight in many ways. In this field, no one told you the dos and don’ts. Disgusted with what he was expected to do, but in dire need of the money, it didn’t take long for him to learn that showing his repulsion wasn’t appreciated by the customers. Neither was gagging, refusing to do something or spitting. Of course, the latter was ever so often needed, but the key was to be discreet about it. A blank face and discretion were two main lines to keep in mind.

No wonder Alex didn’t eat once he got home

“I’m running away with you
That’s all I ever do...”

The turn of the vinyl was almost hypnotising. Alex found himself staring at the revolving disc, his mind blank. There was a copper taste in his mouth, but he didn’t really notice it, being all too used to it to be bothered. The vinyl played to end and Alex took care in putting it back in its case and placing it in the chest of drawers next to his bed. All that he owned could be found in that piece of furniture, and out of five drawers, only two and a half were filled. The room he lived in was rented off the man living downstairs; a hollow-eyed alcoholic and pathetic excuse for a human being, according to Alex, but it was better than living out on the street. By default, the residents of the house – the landlord, Alex and two other boys he didn’t know much about – kept clear of each other, only meeting when there were no other options. Rent money was left in a jar on the kitchen counter, and anyone pilfering from it would be subjected to the inebriated rage of the landlord, more often than not involving physical measures.

Alex had seen the other two boys about five times altogether in the approximately two years he’d lived in the house. One of them was a brown-haired boy with eyes coloured likewise, about Alex’s age, whom he had first happened upon in the upstairs bathroom. The door had been unlocked (an unintentional miss, Alex had later assumed) and had opened up to reveal the young man with a syringe in hand, the needle inserted into his arm. He had been about to inject the contents of the syringe when Alex walked in and the two boys had looked at each other for a few slow-moving moments, before something clicked and Alex backed out of the room and closed the door, which locked immediately.

The other boy, a few years older than the two others, was burly with brown hair and blue eyes, and both of the times Alex had encountered him he’d been struck by the amount of self-confidence the boy seemed to possess. He had also been struck by his physical strength, in the form of the other’s fist connecting with his face. Last time had been only a few days ago and Alex still wandered around with the right side of his face shaded in purple and black. The customers didn’t quite go for that look, so money was scarce and so was Alex’s good temper. He had never been too keen on the small talk among the rent boys between sessions, but today he had downright avoided them and left for home as soon as he had been allowed to. In his bed now, covers pulled up over his head, he tried to sleep, but to no avail. With an exasperated sigh he pushed the covers down to his chest, staring up at the ceiling. Despite trying to clear his mind, the thoughts wouldn’t stop coming.

There had been a new boy at work today. Another poor bastard who’d have to get used to the job, another guy who would come out of the rooms all pale and quiet, to cower in the corner and wonder what the hell he had gotten himself into. Alex knew; he’d been in that exact same seat nine months ago. Amazing how quickly you got used to it. Joshua would too – if memory didn’t fail Alex, that had been the boy’s name. Even if it wasn’t, Alex surely remembered his looks.

Brown eyes, skinny as a stick, lanky, looked like he hadn’t slept or eaten in a month or two. The most apparent feature was his hair, though. Blond, but not any of the natural blond shades, no; the bleached, unnatural blondness significant of hair having gone through hydrogen peroxide treatment. All in all, the guy looked absolutely fucking gash, and the general opinion was that he wouldn’t last long, merely because no customer would want him, nevertheless pay for him. They’d all been surprised when, during his first ever shift, he’d been picked out by no less than three different men, silently obliging and leading the way to an empty room.

Alex’s thoughts were interrupted by a light cracking sound. Frowning, he looked around as a second crack was heard and soon realised it came from the solitary window in the room. Reluctantly easing himself out of bed, he walked over to the window, pulling one curtain aside and looking out. He had an overview of the small forsaken garden, and there in the shadows he spotted a boy with bleached blond hair, aiming small pebbles from the garden path at his window. When their eyes met the boy waved tentatively, giving a trying smile. In response, Alex gave him two fingers before pulling the curtains shut again. He had no intentions of socialising with anyone who shared his profession, especially not the new kid on the block. Getting back into bed, Alex once again pulled the covers up over his head, intending to get some sleep.

Forget that. It hadn’t been five minutes before he was interrupted again, this time by a knock at the window. Apparently the kid had made the effort to climb up on the roof outside, where Alex would sometimes sit when he needed to gather his thoughts. And he was seemingly determined not to let Alex have some peace and quiet. The knocking continued until Alex, now with rapidly declining temper, threw the covers aside and was by the window in two strides, pushing the curtains apart and glaring at the boy on the outside. Just as he had assumed, the blond had made his way up on the slanted roof that covered the kitchen and was now sitting there on his knees. One hand was suspended in mid-air, probably about to knock on the glass again.

‘Fuck off’ mouthed Alex at the other boy, who bit his lip and pointed downward, indicating the hatch that kept the window shut. Growling, Alex released it, pushing the window open with such speed that the boy outside barely had time to move out of the way.

“What part of ‘fuck off’ don’t you understand?”

“Hey, it’s Joshua, from—”

“Yeah yeah, I know[/] who you are,” cut off Alex with a wave of his hand. “What the bloody hell are you doing here?”

Joshua suddenly looked uncertain. “Well... I thought... Maybe you’d want to—”

“No..! I don’t want to hang out with you! When I’m not working, I don’t want anything to do with anyone from that place. Get it?”

The blond boy shrugged, seemingly bothered by Alex’s anger. “Sorry, I just... I’m new to this area, and—”

It was all Alex could do to keep from pushing the other boy off the roof. “I don’t fucking care, Joshua! You could be the prince of Wales for all I care, I still don’t wanna be with you. I know what you do for a living, you know what I do and that’s it. Now leave me alone and let me have some goddamned sleep..!”

But for some reason, Joshua wasn’t going to give in that easily. It was apparent that he wasn’t comfortable with the situation, but he seemed determined not to leave whilst on a bad note with Alex.

“Do you enjoy it?” he asked in a mumble.

Trying hard not to slam the window shut again, Alex sucked his lips in and released them again before answering. “Enjoy what?”

“The job.”

Did he enjoy his job? This boy, with his hydrogen peroxide bleached hair, was sitting outside Alex’s window in the middle of the night, asking him if he enjoyed sucking other men’s dicks for a living.

“...What the fuck do you reckon? I’m not queer, if that’s what you think. Most of us aren’t.”

A slight pause. “I am.”

What the hell? What was this, a bad dream or a random freak show? Alex stared at the boy before him, the boy who had just revealed the one thing that made him more vulnerable than anything.

When Alex said nothing, Joshua raised a hand to rub his neck, unsure of how to go on. “I enjoy it,” he admitted. “The job.”

Still no reaction from Alex. After another while of awkward silence, during which a battle of wills could be seen in Joshua’s brown eyes, the blond leaned forward and placed a kiss on the black-haired boy’s mouth. A kiss that got no response.

“...Freak.”

The word came from deep within the Alex, laced with confusion, anger and fright. Then, in rapid succession, Alex slammed the window shut, put the hatch back on, pulled the curtains and dove into bed, once again pulling the covers up to hide him. In the dark he touched his lips, the sensation of Joshua’s lips like a burning on his own. Suddenly disgusted – both by the kiss in itself and the knowledge of where that mouth had been – he wiped his mouth on the bed sheet before burying his face in the pillow. Fuck it that he could sleep now, but at least he had to try.

At six o’clock sharp the following evening, Alex entered the house where he had made his living now for three months short of a year. It hadn’t changed since he first arrived, and he didn’t expect it to change within a foreseeable future. The only thing that did change was the people in the house, with the constant coming and going of the men taking advantage of the service and the boys providing it.

Upon entering the main hall, Alex found himself face to face with the boy with the bleached blond hair. There was a second’s pause as the two registered each other’s presence, before Joshua looked away and Alex proceeded into the room.

“Alright, Alex?”

The greeting came from Daniel, the only dark-skinned boy of their group. He was the one earning the most money, but if it was because of his skin colour or actual talent for the job, nobody knew.

Alex nodded to him, taking a seat in an empty, worn armchair. No one said anything for another five minutes, until an older man came down the stairs and exited the room without as much as a glance at the boys. About a minute later, a blond, blue-eyed boy came down the same way, heading over to a leather jacket discarded on the floor. Retrieving a packet of cigarettes and a lighter from one of the pockets, he lit a cigarette and dropped the packet on top of the jacket, playing with the lighter as he turned to acknowledge the other persons in the room.

“Who’s working today?” asked Alex to no one in particular.

“Apart from you and me,” began Daniel, “it’s Joshua, Teagan and Linus. Carl’s just about to leave.”

“Damn right I am,” confirmed the blue-eyed boy. “Simon’s coming in.”

“Did alright?” queried Alex casually.

“Bet your arse I did. Taking a week off now. Be seeing you suckers next Tuesday,” Carl added with a smirk.

The remark was met with bitter laughter, as always when someone brought it up. It was they least they could do to make fun of their sad situation. The laughter ceased quickly as a man entered, dressed in a tweed jacket and a black trilby hat. He quickly surveyed each of the boys, his eyes stopping on Joshua.

“You.”

Inclining his head, Joshua motioned for the man to follow him. Before he turned away, Alex caught his eyes. The brief smile was seen by no one but Alex, as Daniel and Carl had turned their attention elsewhere when it became clear it was not their customer to care for. A fleeting smile, then the short-cut bob of hydrogen peroxide bleached hair disappeared from view behind the tweed-jacketed man, both of them turning into an empty room and closing the door behind them. The key turned and the door was locked.