Just Because

"Let's begin with a prayer," my father said, placing my mother's hand in his as he bowed his head. I followed, closing my eyes and attempting to listen to every word that left his lips. For some reason it had been difficult to follow along as of late. But I made my biggest effort to understand every word he would say in his daily prayers.

My sisters had been paying close attention. The only way I was able to tell was because I would occasionally open one eye to observe everyone. They always left me in awe at their attention span, their dedication. We were all very different, but we had all managed to observe the same beliefs. That is, each and every one of us except Mable.

I was only older than her by a few months, but she had already lived more life than I had. Even though we were instructed to shun her, ignore her posts and her calls, I would constantly find myself signing into my extra accounts to keep tabs on her. What can I say? She was my sister after all. And a big part of me wondered how on earth she seemed so happy.

"Amen," my family said. We all walked towards my parents, giving them kisses goodnight and then walking off into our rooms.

We had recently moved away from a very secluded and private town in Pennsylvania. We were now in New Jersey, which seemed a lot more fast paced than anything I was used to. Even with such a big change, I couldn't help but wonder what life would be like in New York. Mable was in New York. And all of her posts made me want to venture out, but I knew it was something I would never be able to do.

I tucked myself into my warm, plush comforter, stretching my tired long legs out as I prepared for another sleepless night. My racing thoughts would always keep me up at night, thoughts of things I knew I would never be able to accomplish. I looked at the ceiling for a brief moment, then deciding it would be pointless to simply lay there with my thoughts. I grabbed my cellphone from the night table that sat beside my bed, pressing the side button to unleash a bright screen illuminating my face. A big part of me was curious. Curious of what Mable was up to. I wondered what she had eaten that day, where she had gone, who she was with. I wondered what it would be like to be beside her, enjoying a life full of exploration and fun. There were so many things she would post that I wanted to try.

The food always looked unreal. Not that my mother was not a good cook. We lived on a farm our entire lives, eating fresh eggs, fruits, and veggies on the daily. But there was something about all of the interesting things Mable would eat that just made me want to escape. The colorful drinks always matching whatever theme she had that week. I wondered what they tasted like. But I knew it would not be worth it to even bring it up to my family. How these thoughts had been crowding my head. I didn't want to lose my family over something so small.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," my mother's head popped through the slightly opened door. Her brown locks fell over her soft face, a warm smile taking over her beautiful features.

"Goodnight, mom."