Be Mine

“Hey nerd! You were quiet in class today. You didn’t yell out of turn once. Are you sick?”

I glance up from my laptop to see Axelle walking towards my table with a goofy grin on her face. Not once has Axelle ever come into the school’s study room for anything. I’m actually quite surprised she found me.

“I was hiding from you. I figured you didn’t know where the study hall was.” I tease.

“I know where it is. I just avoid it with all I can…but I knew you would be in here. I’m glad I found you.” She sits down next to me. “What’s up?”

“Just trying to wrap my head around Jamie being gone, graduating and what the fuck I’m going to do with my life after graduating.” I shut my laptop. “He’s taking me to dinner tonight.” I grin “Hopefully it ends in sexy time. I got a cute little black dress that I haven’t shown him yet!”

She kicks her feet up on the table like she owns the place. She casually asks, “Does Jamie have a big dick?”

My mouth drops. I don’t know what I was expecting from her but that wasn’t it. “Christ Axe, what kind of question is that?” I’m laughing but I feel slightly embarrassed for a quick second.

She laughs loudly knowing that she caught me off guard. She lived for these moments. “I’m just curious. He’s a nice guy and he’s attractive but I don’t picture him being like a dominant lover or I don’t know, maybe he’s shy during sex. I know he acts confident but that boy definitely has some deep rooted insecurities.”

“Can you not try to analyze my boyfriend?”

“But am I right?”

“No.” I lean in towards her as if I'm getting ready to tell her a secret. “It's big.” I say measuring with my hands. “He’s not insecure about his body. He knows he’s good in bed, trust me. I could go on for days… just last night he-”

We hear someone clear their throat “ Am I interrupting?”
Our eyes shoot to the door. We are greeted by Axelle’s boyfriend. His tall figure leans against the door frame. His black hair is in a bun, his green eyes are observing our faces. “Judging by Nora’s red cheeks it’s something inappropriate.”

I chuckle, “It was nothing.”

Axelle gives me a knowing smile but instead of backing me up and protecting our conversation she says, “We were talking about Jamie’s big di-”

“Slike for hamsters.” I don’t know why or where that came from. I am not good at playing it cool. I never have been and I don’t know if I ever will be. “He hates them…” I mentally slap myself. Hamsters, Nora? HAMSTERS?

He rolls his eyes letting out a small chuckle, “I don’t think it was hamsters but I’m not sure I’d care to know. Axelle, are you ready?”
She shakes her head no. “I’m going to get some studying done with Nor.” She looks over at me, “You’ll take me home right?”

I nod my head, “Yep.”

He gives her a kiss and bids farewell.

Axelle is staring at me again. She’s trying to read me and as much as I hate being profiled by a peer, it is what we are being trained for.
I stand up and grab my backpack. We start down the hallways in silence. I’m starting to feel annoyed. Couldn’t she be more sly about it?

“Dude, stop staring at me. Can’t you just be a normal human and ask if I'm ok, or whatever you are wanting to know? You weirdo.”
I push through the old metal doors. The sunlight nearly blinds me.

“I was trying to decide if you needed goofy Axelle or serious Axelle but I can’t figure it out.” She throws her long hair into a bun and wraps her bandana around her head.

When I start the car I say. “ I just need you to be normal Axelle, ok?” I let out a small laugh. “I’m really ok. I'm just really tired.”
We both jump back when my phone starts to ring in the speakers. I always forget to turn the sound down after early morning music jams. It’s the only thing besides caffeine that gets me going in the morning.

Call from Jamie ❤️

Axelle gives me a disgusted look. She doesn’t like cutesy things. It makes her brain malfunction.

“Hey babe! Axe is in the car.”

“I’ll behave, don't worry. What are you ladies doing?”

“Just heading over to the house. Are you home?”

“No. I got caught up in some shit with some mates, not sure when I’ll be home, love.” I can hear loud music in the background and someone yells, “Nora, your boyfriends a puss.” Jamie responds “I am not! Oh, Nora. Why are they like this?” Was that a slight slur at the end there?

“You chose them as friends. Don’t ask me.” I giggle. “Baby, I have to go, my dad is on the other line.”

“Ok I love you.

“Love you.”

I look at Axelle with an apologetic face. “I have to take this or he will keep calling.” Dad never gave up…on anything.
She nods. “Go for it.”

“Hi, dad.” I’m trying to focus on this conversation but it's hard not to think about Jamie possibly being at a bar. A place we promised we would stay away from this time around. The only exception was gigs and even then Jamie didn’t drink.

“Hi, honey. How are you?”

“I’m good. I just got out of class for the day and I’m going to go study with a friend.” I lied. Axelle and I didn’t ever study when we were together. It was more like an excuse we fed to our boyfriends in order to hangout more.

“Good Girl! I'm going to have an opening in the BAU in six months, we have one of our finest men leaving and I know you’d be a perfect fit. I know you said you weren’t ready to talk about it last time but I think you should start considering coming home. You will have it made. Your brother is now officially the Unit Chief and your dear old dad is getting ready to retire.”

“Dad…” I stop myself from saying anything else. I don’t feel like arguing right now. I’m tired and I’m worried about Jamie.
“If that boy is what’s keeping you there then it’s a good time to split things off. Having a significant other in this line of work isn’t exactly easy and add kids on top of that. Please, think this through.You’ve worked hard to get to where you are.”

“Can you at least call him by his name and not the boy. He’s 33 years old, not a child, dad. I just need time to figure it all out and see what they have to offer here. I mean more than likely I won’t get shot or killed living in the UK.” I let out a sigh, feeling defeated. “Don’t you remember what it was like when you first met mom? Dad, Jamie is my other half.”

He chuckles at my comment. “Nora, when will you see that this is just an infatuation? Hasn’t he broken your heart several times?I don’t think your other half would do such a thing.”

“We were children then. I was barely 22 and he was 25 struggling with addiction. We aren’t the same people anymore and you can’t even count the time I did the foreign exchange student thing in high school. I was 18. Jamie is a fantastic man. You’ve never given him the time of day.”

I can tell he’s done with the conversation with his last sigh. I bet he rolled his eyes. “Well, your mother is calling. Bye Nora.”

I don’t get a chance to respond before the phone call ends.
“Well fuck you too.” Axelle says. “That was your dad? Either Americans are weird or your dads a Cunt.”

I laugh at her choice of wording. “He’s absolutely something.” When I pull up in the driveway Jamie and Tristan’s cars are there. I hadn’t expected him to beat me home. I did take the scenic route so that I could finish my phone call but still, they shouldn’t have beat me home. They had to have been close.

I walk in and automatically show my love to Jack-Jack. “Who's a good boy?” I say while scratching his ears. “Yes, that's you.”

When my eyes fall on Jaime he is strumming on his guitar while Tristan is listening with a beer in his hand. I look on the side table to see an empty beer bottle next to where Jamie is sitting. I feel an uneasy feeling burning in my stomach. I hoped it wasn’t his beer. If it was, he wasn’t hiding it very well. He knew I’d be home.
He stands up and walks towards me. His smile brightens the room.

He wraps his arms around me and suddenly my worries are gone. That was until he told me he missed me and kissed my forehead. His mouth smells like alcohol and cigarettes. He cups my face with his hands and plants a wet kiss on my lips. “Hey beautiful.”

“Hey,” I step back a little. I don’t say anything about the smell. Instead I act like everything is normal and play it cool, like I mentioned I’m still learning how to play it cool. “Is everything ok, babe?” I can’t stop analyzing the situation. Jamie doesn’t drink. Why is he drinking? He hasn’t shown any signs of relapse, I’d like to think I’d notice.

He smirks, “Yeah. Just relaxing.” He walks back to his seat. “Be ready by 5.” Jamie says to me.

I nod my head but don’t say anything to him. I’m confused. Why is he acting this nonchalant? Like he didn’t struggle with drinking and drugs for 12 years.

I watch him and Tristan continue goofing around. They put the guitars away and turn on the tv. He takes a swig of the bottle I thought was empty.

I’m frustrated with his actions.

I glance at Axelle, her eyes lower to the ground not knowing what to say .

“Well, we will be in the room if you need us.” I say to them.
Jamie lifts his gaze from the tv. “Enjoy, darling”

Axelle mouths a quick “What the fuck?”

I shrug my shoulders. “I guess we won’t be going to dinner tonight.”
She falls back on the bed. “You still have a few hours.”

“You don’t understand, it’s never just one with him. He’s going to get wasted. Jamie isn’t a one and done kind of guy. That’s why we agreed that neither of us would drink anymore.” I collapse next to her on the bed.

Axelle turns her head; she faces me but I’m still staring at the ceiling. I feel a mix of rage and sadness. “Relationships are tough sometimes. You gotta roll with the punches.” She says and even though I know she’s right…I don’t know if I can handle Jamie falling back into who he used to be.