Status: I’m not doing quite well on this February, and every February.
You and Me.
Valentines Day
Another year, another valentines and once again, i am days early. I can't say that i feel lonely during valentines. since it's because i will be waiting for some one, whos been giving me mixed signals, henceforth on why i am writing. note that this is my pov, furthermore explained in the title.
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Today is February 14, 2024, and i had woken up. I can't say i am particularly excited about today since it could go both ways. Either he had liked me back, or not. I was eager to know. As i made my way to the gate, i tapped in my id card. I took a look at the screen which had inputed my name, and my face. The difference would be that my hair had a different length. During this valentines, i had shorter hair than the one imprinted on the screen to show that i had tapped in the school gate. In the image, my hair was long and thick. I admit that i look more different than i was a few months ago. As i was looking up at the monitor, i could see most of my features (by which i did not have that many.) and my little smile that i never showed in pictures for so long.
after a brief examintion i gave while i stared up at the monitor to see myself, i walked away and made my way to the hallway where my classroom would be. i was greeted at the door with a friend. she said my name. "cccc!" she said as she approached me. "unsa mana imong t-shirt oi? red? orange? pink? wa ko kasabot!" she exclaimed, and i laughed. "ambot sad aning color, basta nay kulay akong t-shirt." i replied, and she walked towards her bag. "huwat sa naa koy e hatag nimo." she said as she pulled out some chocolates and a flower and handed them to me. "huyy salamat R." i thanked her at quickly opened the chocolate to eat as if we didn't have recess to eat it. "di ju ka kahuwat dae?" she laughed again, while watching me eat the chocolate. "edi gi gutom ko so syempre di ko ka huwat." "sayo pa sa buntag sunod nag kaon kag chocolate!" she mocked me, but i didn't care. all of my focus was on this, and soon her attention started to shift to our other classmates, and i sighed. I watched the outside of our classroom at the hallway waiting, or, well, watching if he might atleast passby my classroom. R was busy talking to our other classmates and i was just.. there. thinking of what might happen today. i was anxious, and worried.
a few minutes passed, and i saw him. our eyes met, but did we ever meet? ― "lahh nag red si N!!!" i heard noises behind me, but i couldn't care less. my eyes focused on him, and his were focusing on mine. i felt a slap on my back that snapped me back to reality, and i laughed it off, trying to stay calm of what my eyes had witnessed. i could hear the noises and i felt somewhat happy. (we had a color coding for valentines day.) and seeing him wear red gave me a slight hope. all of us had went to the gym for our daily worship, and given that today is a special day, there is also another special meaning for this day. Ash wednesday. where we are to put ashes on our foreheads. ― while we were lined up, i was close to him. i stared at him before he had finished his turn, and mine was next. i could feel an outburst of emotions coming out of my chest just by his presence near me, ofcourse i acted cool, and calm when near him, but i had completely folded after just walking away from him. eye contact was our love language, and i could tell he knows me just by his eyes.
not much happened during classes on valentines day, and i had just sit there, reminiscing of what might happen soon. ― during our break period, a couple of my classmates confessed to eachother, and now they are together, i'm happy for them. they are fit for eachother, but… i might have grown a bit jealous from there closeness and there relationship with eachother, it made me have doubts for my confession today to him.. i started to tear up abit just overthinking what might happen, but nevertheless, i was happy for the both of them.― before the confession, i had made contact with him. he and i looked at eachother, i smiled, but did he? i wanted to know. but back then, i was too focused on my classmate's confession since i would have wanted to know how it was going to end.
― then, came dismissal, before dismissal i suppose. i was busy writing the letter, and i had stubled upon an old entry i wrote about him in my notes. it seemed perfect for the letter i was about to give him. while i was finishing up, R suddenly took the letter and said "mu hatag ka ani niya??!" "o.." i replied, and she screamed, and ran outside. i wasn't prepared, and she had also forgotten to give the rose. i was even more anxious than before, i felt my heart beating rapidly, and every inch of my body was frozen into place. until, she came back with her face drooping. "C, wa sha ni dawat imong letter." "ha..?" she explained that he just shook his head. "basin akala sha ikaw nag hatag ana." said my classmate, "di, ako gi ingon 'gikan ni mc.' pero dli gihapon." R said, and i felt the back of my head aching. when the back of my head starts to ache, it signifies a heartbreak. But, they tried again, again one of my classmates came with R. and i just. sat there. my classmates tried to comfort me of what happend, but i stayed silent, thinking once more. ― both R and one of my classmate came back and she just raised her hand to a thumbs up to me while R said "ok na, pero kanang si K man ni dawat sa letter sunod siya pa gi read ni N.." "okay rana c, atleast naka dawat sha sa imong letter." "ok ra ka c?" one of my classmate who sat beside me said to me. "yeah, ok ra ko." i said, as tears were starting to form from my eyes, but they were unable to be shown because i was still trying to process what was happening. ― a few minutes of just myself, i started crying so, so hard i had an outburst. what happend to my letter? did he throw it away? what happened? ― i wiped off some tears, and i clingged to E, than H after a couple of minutes, i cried tears as my heart was breaking into pieces. i couldn't feel anything else but my heart aching, my hands were gripped tightly onto H's shoulder. crying my little heart out. i was overthinking. not knowing what just happened. but i know this for sure, valentines day is definetly not my day.
Happy Valentines Day.
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Today is February 14, 2024, and i had woken up. I can't say i am particularly excited about today since it could go both ways. Either he had liked me back, or not. I was eager to know. As i made my way to the gate, i tapped in my id card. I took a look at the screen which had inputed my name, and my face. The difference would be that my hair had a different length. During this valentines, i had shorter hair than the one imprinted on the screen to show that i had tapped in the school gate. In the image, my hair was long and thick. I admit that i look more different than i was a few months ago. As i was looking up at the monitor, i could see most of my features (by which i did not have that many.) and my little smile that i never showed in pictures for so long.
after a brief examintion i gave while i stared up at the monitor to see myself, i walked away and made my way to the hallway where my classroom would be. i was greeted at the door with a friend. she said my name. "cccc!" she said as she approached me. "unsa mana imong t-shirt oi? red? orange? pink? wa ko kasabot!" she exclaimed, and i laughed. "ambot sad aning color, basta nay kulay akong t-shirt." i replied, and she walked towards her bag. "huwat sa naa koy e hatag nimo." she said as she pulled out some chocolates and a flower and handed them to me. "huyy salamat R." i thanked her at quickly opened the chocolate to eat as if we didn't have recess to eat it. "di ju ka kahuwat dae?" she laughed again, while watching me eat the chocolate. "edi gi gutom ko so syempre di ko ka huwat." "sayo pa sa buntag sunod nag kaon kag chocolate!" she mocked me, but i didn't care. all of my focus was on this, and soon her attention started to shift to our other classmates, and i sighed. I watched the outside of our classroom at the hallway waiting, or, well, watching if he might atleast passby my classroom. R was busy talking to our other classmates and i was just.. there. thinking of what might happen today. i was anxious, and worried.
a few minutes passed, and i saw him. our eyes met, but did we ever meet? ― "lahh nag red si N!!!" i heard noises behind me, but i couldn't care less. my eyes focused on him, and his were focusing on mine. i felt a slap on my back that snapped me back to reality, and i laughed it off, trying to stay calm of what my eyes had witnessed. i could hear the noises and i felt somewhat happy. (we had a color coding for valentines day.) and seeing him wear red gave me a slight hope. all of us had went to the gym for our daily worship, and given that today is a special day, there is also another special meaning for this day. Ash wednesday. where we are to put ashes on our foreheads. ― while we were lined up, i was close to him. i stared at him before he had finished his turn, and mine was next. i could feel an outburst of emotions coming out of my chest just by his presence near me, ofcourse i acted cool, and calm when near him, but i had completely folded after just walking away from him. eye contact was our love language, and i could tell he knows me just by his eyes.
not much happened during classes on valentines day, and i had just sit there, reminiscing of what might happen soon. ― during our break period, a couple of my classmates confessed to eachother, and now they are together, i'm happy for them. they are fit for eachother, but… i might have grown a bit jealous from there closeness and there relationship with eachother, it made me have doubts for my confession today to him.. i started to tear up abit just overthinking what might happen, but nevertheless, i was happy for the both of them.― before the confession, i had made contact with him. he and i looked at eachother, i smiled, but did he? i wanted to know. but back then, i was too focused on my classmate's confession since i would have wanted to know how it was going to end.
― then, came dismissal, before dismissal i suppose. i was busy writing the letter, and i had stubled upon an old entry i wrote about him in my notes. it seemed perfect for the letter i was about to give him. while i was finishing up, R suddenly took the letter and said "mu hatag ka ani niya??!" "o.." i replied, and she screamed, and ran outside. i wasn't prepared, and she had also forgotten to give the rose. i was even more anxious than before, i felt my heart beating rapidly, and every inch of my body was frozen into place. until, she came back with her face drooping. "C, wa sha ni dawat imong letter." "ha..?" she explained that he just shook his head. "basin akala sha ikaw nag hatag ana." said my classmate, "di, ako gi ingon 'gikan ni mc.' pero dli gihapon." R said, and i felt the back of my head aching. when the back of my head starts to ache, it signifies a heartbreak. But, they tried again, again one of my classmates came with R. and i just. sat there. my classmates tried to comfort me of what happend, but i stayed silent, thinking once more. ― both R and one of my classmate came back and she just raised her hand to a thumbs up to me while R said "ok na, pero kanang si K man ni dawat sa letter sunod siya pa gi read ni N.." "okay rana c, atleast naka dawat sha sa imong letter." "ok ra ka c?" one of my classmate who sat beside me said to me. "yeah, ok ra ko." i said, as tears were starting to form from my eyes, but they were unable to be shown because i was still trying to process what was happening. ― a few minutes of just myself, i started crying so, so hard i had an outburst. what happend to my letter? did he throw it away? what happened? ― i wiped off some tears, and i clingged to E, than H after a couple of minutes, i cried tears as my heart was breaking into pieces. i couldn't feel anything else but my heart aching, my hands were gripped tightly onto H's shoulder. crying my little heart out. i was overthinking. not knowing what just happened. but i know this for sure, valentines day is definetly not my day.
Happy Valentines Day.
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♠ ♠ ♠
I’m so tired.