Jealous Orchard

This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor
This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where
The apathy and urgency is that I thought I phoned in
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

"Wait. Wait. It just doesn't sound right."

At Ryan's voice I stopped singing.

"Come on, Ryan! We've been at this song for hours."

"No, no, I agree. It just is missing something," I said looking over the notebook paper with the song on it.

"Maybe it's missing band members that can stay awake through the whole song," Brent mocked.

Spencer was laying across his drum set as we argued on whether or not to continue.

"Anyways, Brendon, don't you have a Calc test to study for?"

I groaned running my hand through my hair. I could feel it becoming greasy since my shower last night.

"Fine. We'll stop for tonight," Ryan sighed setting his guitar down.

"Man how are you going to study for that test? We don't know shit. Even Ryan sucked balls at Calculus," Spencer said finally getting into the conversation.

"Maybe I'll call Adam," I said walking up Spencer's Grandmother's basement stairs.

"Negative. He's doing an anniversary dinner with Taylor," Brent informed me.

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"Dude, why are you fretting? You're girlfriend is smart, I'm sure she'll help you."

"I can't ask her," I mumbled.

"What did you do this time?" Ryan asked closing the front door behind me.

"I kind of accused her of liking William."

"Pretty boy?" Ryan said turning to look at me.

"Yeah."

Spencer laughed and Brent clapped his hand on my back.

"You're an idiot."

"You don't think I realized that yet?"

"Well apologize and get help."

"We haven't spoken in three days," I muttered unlocking my door.

"I'm sorry, but that's pathetic. You do know she probably thinks you'll break up with her now."

________________________

I sat at my kitchen table surrounded by pieces of paper that should have had notes on them. I continued to stare at one piece in attempt to understand what it was explaining. My hair was now stuck up in different places and I looked slightly insane.

My house was abnormally quiet considering my whole family went out for dinner. My mother had decided to always take my family out while I was at band practice considering I was taking more serious than she thought.

My quiet stare was broken by the doorbell. I sat still in the kitchen and listened. I acted like I wasn't home, considering only the over head light was on. But whoever was outside rang the bell once more, and then again. I groaned out loud pushing my seat back against the tile flooring and stood up.

I was rubbing my eyes since black dots were flashing around in front of me. I opened the door and saw Morgan standing there. Her backpack was slung over one of her shoulders, and she had her Calculus book in her arms with colored post it notes sticking out of the pages.

I stood stunned looking at her. Even though we haven't spoken I still saw her in the halls and at the opposite end of the lunch table. She somehow looked different than before. It looked as if she hadn't slept last night, but she was still in her pjs. She had on black sweat pants and a white v neck hanes shirt. I knew it was mine by the way it hung on her body, but I decided to not point it out.

"Ryan called me," she muttered moving past me and walking in through the living room.

I heard her drop her bag on the floor, and I squinted as the lights through out the house turned on.

I slowly closed the door and stared down at the shoes she had slipped off with her steps.

"So I figured we'd start out with what you do know."

She had the book open to chapter 4, and two Capri suns sitting on the kitchen table.

"Nothing," I mumbled staring at the problems with utter confusion.

"Okay," she said not even looking at me.

Out of nowhere she pulled out a piece of paper, a pencil, and her calculator.

She scribbled a problem down and held her pencil out to me.

"Try this."

I took the pencil and felt like a douche bag. I couldn't look her in the eyes. I continued to avoid eye contact, but I wanted to apologize so badly.

She continued to teach me everything my teacher had taught in the past week, and each time she leaned in to correct my work her scent, that I've grown so fond of, would gather under my nose, causing my mind to drift.

"Oh, Morgan! Sweetheart, I didn't know you were coming over! I would have made dinner," my mother exclaimed as she walked through the back door with my father trailing behind her.

"Oh, that's alright Mrs. Urie. I was just helping Brendon with math."

"Well, are you sure you two don't want a snack?"

Morgan shook her head and pressed a smile on her face. That's when I realized she didn't want to be here. She was doing this because Ryan asked.

Once we were left alone in the kitchen she went back to flipping through her book.

"You don't have to do this," I said resting my elbows on the table and my head in my hands.

I couldn't believe I hadn't realized she was uncomfortable.

"We're almost done with the review test."

"I know you don't want to be here."

"Brendon, I'm not going to let you fail out of Calculus, and if I'm not mistaken you're the one who's mad. But if you want me gone, I'll go."

She started pushing her chair back and gathering her papers not looking at me. Her head was turned way and she continually stared at her backpack.

"Morgan?" I asked when I saw her rub her eyes.

"What is it?"

Her strained voice made my head hurt. I opened my mouth waiting for the words to flow out, but I couldn't.

"Nothing," I mumbled shaking my head.

She flipped her hair over her shoulder and stood up, completely avoiding looking at me.

I watched her walk out into the living room.

"Are you leaving already, Morgan?" I heard my mother ask.

"Sweetie?" her voice was filled with concern.

I groaned as I heard the door shut.

"Brendon Urie! What did you do to that poor girl!" I heard her yell from the living room.

"Haha, Brendon can't keep a girlfriend," my sister taunted behind my mother who was entering the kitchen.

"Stop getting into my business," I mumbled gathering my papers and jogging up the stairs.

"Brendon! You better apologize to her!" she shouted up after me.

I closed my door and dropped everything on the floor.

"God Damn It!" I yelled, falling onto my bed.

I couldn't understand why I couldn't apologize to her. All I needed to say was that I was wrong about assuming things, and I should have known better than to think anything of her talking to William.

But everytime my mind replays her smiling at him, and laughing at the stupid words that come out of his mouth I can't stop but believe that she would leave me for him. It's starting to be summer all over again. I was and still am just the geek that somehow got the girls of his dreams, and I'm starting to wonder if it is too good to be true.