Jealous Orchard

I sat on the edge of my bed stair at my mirror. My tie hung loose around my neck, and my shirt wasn't even buttoned up all the way. Beads of sweat were already forming at my hair line, but the air conditioning was on high and I had goosebumps. I was breaking into a cold sweat. I was to graduate in two hours and leave tomorrow morning at ten for the airport. These past weeks have been unbelievable different. Never have I ever had to deal with so many new things in my life.

I can't begin to explain how many papers I've signed. Contract after contract. My hand was had cramped the night we all sat down to sign them. Peter and I have been talking almost every week. For some reason he kept asking if I've changed my mind. After I left Morgan's house the day we broke up I haven't once rethought my choice. Seeing Morgan at school was even worse than the beginning of the year. It was as if there was a chance for us to meet up by mistake it happened. We'd both be in the lunch line together. She always try to make it seem like seeing me was nothing to her but I always heard about it that night from Ryan.

He still lived at her house, though most of his things were not packed up in her garage. Ryan seemed to be madder at me about the break up than Morgan. He said that he almost moved back in with his dad because he couldn't take her crying. With Taylor being on vacation with her family, Ryan was the only one for Morgan to cry too.

"You ready?" I looked in the mirror once more. My eyes were blood shot from the sleepless night and dark circles were taking over my face.

"Sure," I mumbled looking at my mother.

She had a small smile on her face as she looked at me. She tried to see through the tiredness. I could tell. She was pretending that I wasn't leaving tomorrow to record a record. I had to sell my apartment, but I needed a place to stay before I left. After much discussion with Pete and my parents. They decided that they couldn't stop me and that they wanted to support me.

"Come on! Look excited. Your graduating!" I could see her eyes begin the well with tears.

"Aw, mom. Don't cry, please?" I said standing up and walking over to her. I placed my hands on her shoulders as she let out a petty laugh.

"I'm just going to miss you,' she muttered as she started to finish buttoning up my shirt.

"You'll see me more than you would if I was in college. And remember the webcam I got you? I showed you how to use it. That way you can call me whenever you wanna see me."

"I know. I know. It just it's not every day your son graduates and the next day flies to Maryland to be a rockstar."

"I know," I said as I stretched my neck as she put my tie in place.

"Well, no use crying over a good thing," she said as wiping her tears away. "Let's go. Don't want to miss it."

As we both walked down the stairs half my family was waiting for us in the family room. They all sat in dresses and dress shirts and slacks. It looked like we were all going to an Easter service. Everyone was smiling as us and my mom continued you clutch onto my hand.

A few camera flashes went off as my mom stood next to me at the bottom of the stairs.

"Alright, lets get the show on the road. I wanna see you get this diploma," my grandfather said shaking me shoulder slightly.

I smiled the best I could before heading through the door my father held open for us.

____________________________________

I sat in between Jacklyn Urakinal and Philip Vermont. Two people I've never spoken too, and two people with such unfortunate last names. I tried not to slouch as I sat in the very back of the room. Cameras were flashing every where and it was still our principal speaking. Jacklyn's leg was bouncing non-stop. I turned around slightly to look at Brent and Taylor ripping their programs up and tossing them at each other. I was glad to know I wasn't the only one bored at this. I turned back around as I slumped back into my seat. With my ankles crossed I began to tap the beat of a song. I could feel my heart beat accelerate when they began to call names. As soon as my name was called that was it. I'd be done with everything. A whole new Brendon would be walking down that stage. The only person I'd be sure to see again would be Brent. With hardly ever speaking to Adam, I was sure if I could still consider us best friends.

"Lauren Lavinson."

I couldn't help but sit up. The names were going by so fast I didn't even realize they were at the Ls. I watched as the small brunette walked across the stage took her diploma and moved her tassel over.

"Connor Lawson."

I scanned the steps leading to the stage. There she stood in her matching black gown and her matching black hat. She hadn't done anything to stand out like some people had thought. People were sure she was going to alter her gown or some thought she'd cut off all her hair. But she didn't. She looked just like any other eighteen year old graduating today.

"Morgan Lee."

She slowly walked across the stage and as she was handed her diploma, hollers echoed in the large room. Her family was hard to miss. They were standing in their seats. Her mother was hooting and pumping her fist in the air. But it wasn't her mom's out of character hooting the surprised me. But Ryan and Peter standing on their chairs trying to dance and holler for Morgan at the same time. They calmed down once the man calling the names asked them to be quite, but Morgan took her bow in front of everyone and then trotted of stage. There was a few chuckles but more whispers. Probably from parents questioning who she was.

My gaze returned to Pete and Ryan sitting back down in there seats. They went of whispering to each other, but before high-fiving Mrs. and Mr. Lee. Both of them were wearing button up shirts with ties. They looked like two peas in a pod. Both their legs were crossed over their knees and they laughed at each others jokes like their wasn't a graduation going on.

The names went by smoothly now, without anymore interruptions. I had almost missed our cue to stand, but Jacklyn's had given me a nudge. I had to stare down at my shoes to make sure I wouldn't trip over my own feet. I didn't dare look to my left, in fear of catching a glance at the only person I wanted to see right now.

"Jacklyn Urakinal."

My feet stopped. They had finally met the beginning of the stairs that I would walk up once my name was called. Those stairs that led me away from the only life I knew.

"Brendon Urie."

And all of a sudden, as the man called my name I turned to look. Even in the sea of black gowns and caps I saw her immediately. Her hair cascading over her shoulders in soft waves. Her eyes were round and shimmering and she had a smile on her face.

"Brendon Urie."

Connor had given me a nudge in my back before I stumped up the stairs towards the man and my principal. Shake with your right grab with your left. I kept repeating it in my head, not already wanting to look like a bigger idiot than I already did. But just as my fingers touched the thick paper an uproar took place.

"There's my rockstar! Hell Yeah! You go man!"

I stood frozen in place as Peter's words echoed through the room once more. Over the growing whispers Ryan and Peter stood clapping along with my mother and sister. I chuckled slightly as my dad tried to pull them both down but they weren't moving.

"You better get off the stage before the other families start getting angry," the man whispered in my ear as he shoved the paper closer to me.

I quickly took the last steps on the stage moving my tassel to the opposite and then I stepped down. And as I looked on last time to my left I saw Morgan smiling. And somehow it made me feel a hell of a lot better. And I began to feel my stomach twist into knots as I realized I had a plane to catch in two days, so I could live every kid's dream. She winked at me just before I was too far to see her, and I knew then that I had made the best choice could.

____________________________________________________

"I thought maybe we could have one together. You know one last time."

I stood in the my door way staring. She sat in the middle of my bed with two Slurpin' Grapes sitting on my nightstand. She had changed out of her dress she wore to graduation, and into shorts and a wife beater. Her hair was pulled into a lopsided bun. My shirt was unbuttoned yet still tucked into my pants. I had ditched my tie on the banister a few feet up the staircase.

"Yo, Brendon...oh hey Morgan. I didn't know you-" my sister started as she came up behind me but I quickly stepped into the room and slammed the door in her face.

"You're lucky, Pete Wentz is your boss, or I'd kick your ass!" she shouted through the door at me.

I waited till I could hear her footsteps as she left the hallway before I looked back at Morgan.

"What are you doing here?" I asked before I could think about how rude it sounded. I saw a slight glimmer of hurt run across her face before she bowed her head.

"I guess I deserve that," she sighed looking up at me before scooting to the edge of the bed. "I came to say I was wrong. I was rude and mean, and angry, and I took it out on you. I can't lie to you or myself anymore. I'm sorry for how rude I was to you, Brendon. "

"Morgan..."

"Wait, just let me finish, please. I put all my built up anger on you, because I felt like you deserved it. And I'm not going to to lie, a part of me still believes you do deserve it. I mean, God, you put all your shit on me without even actually doing it yourself. All your issues with your parents, you wouldn't tell me anything about them, and I'd have to hear about it from Ryan. And when you decided you weren't going to college, you almost killed me. All I could think about was that you were sending me to San Fran all by myself. and selfishly believing that you weren't going to college because you didn't want to go with me. But then Ryan tried his hardest to tell me it wasn't that. That it was the band not me. Not me. You were doing it for the band.To be in the band. But it still didn't help the fact that you were leaving me alone and not telling me. Like you were pushing me into a dark closet and locking the door.

"That's how I felt. I felt stuck in this dark closet you stored me in. As if you couldn't deal with me and all I could do was hear things through the door, but not from you. Like when Ryan told me you got kicked out of your house. I cried so hard that night when the first thing you didn't do was come to me. I think that's when all my jealously started to build up. All this childish jealously that I still have! I'm still so jealous, Brendon. Everyone was in your life but me."

She had paused. Quickly looking at the mirror I gazed in earlier, but turning back to stare at her hands.

"I'm in love with you, Brendon, but I hate you. I hate you for all that you put me through. I hate you for having Ryan and Spencer and Brent when you leave. I hate that you're going to have a piece of home and I won't. I hate how you chose them over me. I hate you for making me the selfish person. I hate how I couldn't bring myself to talk to Ryan after we broke up, just because I knew he'd still be your friend. I hate how you changed who I am, and now I can't see a way back. I hate how I can't deal with myself and I need you to help me, but you won't be there."

Tears began to spill down her face. Even as her make up from earlier was running down her face, and her back was hunched over, she somehow looked so, inviting. All I wanted to do was go and be with ehre. To hold her. I wanted to take her, claim her mine and fix her. I wanted to keep her so badly.

"I let you change me, Brendon, because I was blinded by love. God, you must just hate me even more. I didn't mean for this to seem like a second break up. I just had to tell you before you left. I couldn't lie to you."

"I kind of wish you did," I mumbled scratching the back of my neck.

I could feel my stomach knot like it always does when I don't have anything to say. It's not that I couldn't put things into words, it's just I didn't have anything to tell her. My hands started to clam up and this sudden attack of words at me, I was not ready for them. I didn't prepare myself for this lashing.

She body began static for a moment, before she wiped away her tears and turned toward me.

"What?" Her eyes were bloodshot from the tears and puffy, but her eyebrows arced low , and though they were nice and almost perfectly scuplted, they looked mean.

"You have nothing to say? Nothing at all?! God, how could I be so stupid! I can't believe this. No, I can't believe you! You ruined everything, Brendon. You have from the start, and I just let you keep doing whatever the hell you wanted! Because I'm love you. I love you so much I let you take my life and rip it into millions of pieces. Why would I even think you'd have anything to say. Look at me! I'm yelling at you! I hate you!" She paused letting her head fall into her hands. "I never yelled," she whispered.

I couldn't help but stare at her. Her body shook with each sob and it was just like we were breaking up again, except I had found out the realize reason why she breaking up with me.

"I-I didn't know that's how you felt," I mumbled running my heads through my hair, trying to relieve the tension building in my skull. "I never meant to change you. I liked you for you. I guess I just never noticed."

"Of course you didn't notice. I clearly meant something different than what I meant to you."

"Now wait a minute! I've been in love with you for years! You mean the world to me, Morgan. And just because I can't put my words together, doesn't mean I don't fucking care. Now I'm sorry that you've changed, I'm sorry that you're upset that I'm leaving you behind, that you think I'm taking everyone with me, but that's how it's going to happen.Things fucking happen, Morgan.

"You don't know how many nights I've stayed up wondering if I made the right choice. What if the band doesn't make it. What if we didn't make it. It's all this game of chance and I took the one that I knew that wouldn't hurt as bad. I figured ending it now would be a lot easier than ending it two years from now and seeing you all the time with probably someone who deserves you much more than I do."

She stayed quite. Just sitting there. I could feel beads of sweat forming on my hairline. She stared down into her hands before looking up at me.

"I'm sorry."

She paused before pushing herself off my bed. I thought for sure she would storm out, slam all the doors in my face, and I'd never see her again, but she turned toward me. She stood in front of my bed, standing between my own legs. I had the sudden urge to put my hands on her hips, but I resisted.

"I'm sorry, I don't want you to have the time of your life without me."

And with that she quickly leaned forward capturing my lips with hers for the briefest moment. They we soft and moist from the tears that had just fallen. The molded against mine just like ever other time. Her two lips lightly sucking against my bottom. And then she pulled away. Her fingers running through my hair one last time. My head subconsciously leaned into her palm just before she moved away all together.

She left, closing all the doors behind her, leaving me alone.