The Romantic Cynic

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Soon the end of July was fast approaching, bringing with it the end of summer and the start of a new school year. Overall, my summer had gone very well. I had even gotten a raise, something which Payton and I had taken advantage of at a few local clubs and spas. Our deal however, wasn't going as smoothly. Well, for me at least.

Payton and Jon had been dating for the past few weeks and I couldn't have been happier. Finally one of us was having a stable relationship. She even flew out on several occasions to visit him or see him in concert. I, on the other hand, was always unable to go. Work would constantly get in my way. I wasn't stupid so it was easy to see how unnerving my behavior was. I couldn't help that I needed to travel places on short notice or that I needed to be present at certain functions. Unlike Payton, I couldn't just pack up and leave. I had responsibilities. Sometimes I would actually be angry with Brendon for not understanding. After all, wasn't he the one that was touring!

Constantly, Payton warned me not to discourage Brendon. She would tell me that he'd find some other girl who would actually make an effort to see him, leaving me all alone.
Harsh I know, but it was the truth and something that I'd known for a while now.
Maybe Brendon and I weren't cut out for each other. I knew for a fact that he could do so much better than me. There he was, his sweet and caring personality, loving nature and amazing looks.
Everything about him was simply amazing.

Then, there was me.

I couldn't even commit to coming out to see him once. No wonder he thought that I didn't like him. Of course, I didn't dislike him. The very thought made my insides churn. In fact, with each passing day, I fell harder for him. I didn't hate Brendon, I don't think I ever could. However, he was not a mind reader and I was probably pushing him away without even realizing it. I was surprised that he still even talked to me, let alone liked me. In all honesty, I had thrown all hopes of a romance out the window a long time ago. Now I was just waiting to see when he'd give up. Secretly though, I didn't want him too. It tore me up inside to know that I was pushing away someone as amazing as he was. Then my unexplainable fear would creep into my thoughts and I'd swallow the pain.

It scared me how much I had ended up caring for him. It didn't just scare me, it terrified me. His ability to seep into even aspect of my life, to crawl under my skin and invade my subconscious, had me petrified. My nights were filled with dreams of him and his eyes, his lips, his voice. His face lingered in the back of my mind during the day, driving me insane. I could only imagine what it would be like if he would be here in person.

Why did I have to fall for someone who would never return the affection? Why was I so stupid as to think that I had a chance? Was I really that conceited to think, that someone would or could for that matter, like me?

Yes.

Yes, I had thought that I had a chance. But that thought dwindled as the weeks wore on. Surely, he had moved on. Gotten over whatever he had for me. It made me sick to think that but in the end I had convinced myself that it was all for the best. Maybe if I wasn't in his life he'd be happier. After all, it was highly unfair that I had strung him along for as long as I had. He deserved so much better yet, I couldn't give him that.

Oh, but how I wish I could.

I yearned to be able to call him my own and for him to say the same. Alas, these sweet things were too good to be true and only happened in my dreams. That's all they were in reality, silly dreams. That's all they were and that's all they'd ever be.

~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~. ~

I awoke late Sunday morning to rain pounding on my window. I smiled happily, as it created a soft lullaby to which I dozed. A few hours later, I heard rustling. Payton had always been a morning person where as I could barely function without coffee. Soon the scent of pancakes and eggs filled my nostrils and woke me from my half sleep. Yawning loudly I sat up, pushing the covers off my legs. I padded into the hallway where I could hear Payton conversing with someone.

"They're both too stubborn for there own good, you know that Jon." She paused, listening to Jon speak as I walked unnoticed into the kitchen.

"Well, he may be a little less obstinate but she isn't. Besides, her work is very demanding. She can't just pick up and leave like I can," she said with some venom in her voice. I was surprised to hear her speak that way with him. They were usually on good terms. Maybe they had had a fight. I couldn't imagine that though. Jon was too calm to let things get to him and Payton was almost the same. Very few things bothered her and if something did get to her, it must have been extremely bad.

"I know Jon, I know," she sighed. "I'm sorry too. This whole thing has gotten out of control." I stopped moving, deciding to listen more carefully to what she was saying. "I hope it works too. If not at least we tried right?"

Quietly I snuck my head around the wall to see Payton sitting on the small couch, her back to me. I watched as she ran a nervous hand through her hair. Confused as to why she was so anxious I inched closer towards her.

"Well, he likes her and she likes him," she said, reasoning something aloud. "Yes Jon. She does. Goodness. I think I would know!" She paused again as I hid in the doorway. Payton's soft laughter filled the silent apartment.

"I hope so. And if it doesn't work we can always blame Ryan." My eyebrows knit together on my forehead as I tried to understand what they were talking about.

"Good point. Are you sure he'll do it though? I mean, it's not the cheapest thing to do." I grew more confused by the second, frustrated at not being able to hear Jon's response. "Oh right, I forgot! You rock stars just have money coming out you're ass."

I snickered at her sarcasm while deciding to walk into the living room. As I walked behind her, she laughed lightly. Callously I plopped down onto the couch beside her. She turned to look at me, a smile etched on her face.

"Hey Bay," she greeted before going back to her phone call. Suddenly her eyes went wide and she jumped facing me. "Bailey!" She yelled, "What are you doing here?" I laughed as she held the phone protectively against her chest.

"Well Pay," I said seriously, "I live here and that entitles me to be here," I said while gesturing around me. She opened her mouth to retort but Jon's worried voice could be heard from the phone. Quickly she picked up the phone before mumbling a few words into the mouthpiece.

"Yeah I'm fine," she said while glaring at me. "Bailey just scared me."

"I did not!" I hollered.

She waved a hand in my direction while throwing one of the many pillows on the crème couch at me. She missed terribly and I laughed sticking my tongue out at her. She glared as I laughed and got up from the couch walking towards my room. Chuckling I walked down the long hall and into my room. Robotically I got ready while my thoughts raced. What were Payton and Jon planning? What were they hoping would work? Who were too stubborn?

I sighed as these thought bounced back and forth against my skull giving me the beginnings of a headache. I let out a frustrated cry at my lack of knowledge. I had never liked not knowing things.

"You okay Bay?" I turned towards Payton who had entered my room without my knowledge. I smiled and nodded as she shook her head, taking a seat on my bed. I continued getting ready while Pay watched me intensely.

"Pay," I said.

"What?"

"Could you stop watching me? It’s a little freaky," I laughed. She laughed back but it seemed a bit forced.

"Sorry," she apologized. "I didn't realize."

"What's up?" I asked walking until I stopped in front of her. She refused to look me in the eye. "Pay?" I urged again. She remained silent. "Payton," I said sternly while taking her chin forcing her to look at me. "What's wrong with you? Did someone hurt you? Did Jon do something?" I asked angrily. I'd kill him if her hurt.

"No no," she sighed. "It's nothing like that."

"Then what is it?" I asked softly as my anger dissipated and worry took over.

"It's nothing. I'm just having one of those days," she replied, brushing her short blonde hair out of her face. She looked up at me and smiled. I could still tell that something was bothering her but decided to drop it. When she wanted to tell me about it she would.

"So what's the plan for today?" I asked while standing up straight and walking towards my bathroom.

"Well," she yelled loud enough for me to hear her, "I was thinking that we could go to the mall."
Placing the powder brush down I popped my head around the doorframe to give her one of my looks.

"Oh c'mon Bailey!" she exclaimed.

"Payton, you already have a store in your closet. What else could you possibly need?"

"Well," she started but then stopped, obviously deep in thought. I waited patiently for her to speak. "Well, you see. Jon asked me to come out to see him in a few days and he said that he wanted to take me out." There was a brief silence as I stared at her while she picked at a loose thread on my comforter. "He said to dress nicely too," she added as an afterthought. I grinned before running towards her and tackling her in a huge hug. She laughed as I began rocking her back and forth. I stopped rocking and moved to look up at her face.

"Is this what you were so worried about?" I asked while my arms were still latched around her frame. She laughed, the sound vibrating through her body, tickling my face.

"Yes."

"Why?" I exclaimed, wide eyed.

"I don't know honestly," she said quietly. "I just am." Letting go of her I stood with my hands on my hips.

"Well then," I said. "To the mall we go!" She looked at me with a look of disbelief and humor.

"Well," she sighed, "If we must…"

"Oh," I said dramatically, "we must."

After we were both dressed and were ready to go, we proceeded towards Pay's car. Once again, she drove like a mad woman through the streets, running a few stop signs and most definitely breaking the speed limit. Soon we pulled up to the mall and landed ourselves a very nice parking spot near the front thanks to Pay's reckless driving. For once, I was glad that she drove the way she did.

The rest of the morning and most of the afternoon was spent searching relentlessly for the 'perfect' outfit. Needless to say by the time we had picked out the right dress, shoes and accessories that made her look absolutely stunning, we were beat. We both sat in the small car waiting for the air conditioning to kick in and mentally cursing the heat.

"My feet hurt," Payton whined from the driver's seat.

"Serves you right for wearing heels," I said while wiping at my moist forehead.

"Shut up," she sighed while throwing a rather pathetic slap in my direction. We both lapsed into a silence as the cool air swirled around us making me sigh and Payton shiver. Slowly her hand reached towards the controls to turn off the air.

"Touch it and die," I growled. She glared at me.

"It's my car and if I want the air off I'll turn it off," she spat while burning holes in the side of my face. I turned to face her, attempting to hold my tongue from unleashing its wrath. We glared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, both of us too stubborn to look away. Suddenly a loud thud broke the silence as something hit the window. Payton and I shrieked and held onto each other as the bird, which was the culprit, flew away in a mess of feathers and chirps. We glanced at each other quickly before bursting into laughter.

"Wanna get a bite to eat?" I suggested through many laughs. She nodded while putting the car in gear and backing out without looking, almost hitting two men walking through the congested parking lot. They yelled at us giving us the finger but Payton ignored them and zoomed out of the lot.

She had left the air conditioning on too.

~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~. ~

Casually, I sipped my coffee as I listened to Payton talk. People of all sorts passed by the large window next to me, diverting my attention. It had begun to rain causing many figures to take shelter. The rain fell down heavily, blurring my view as it rolled down the glass in front of me. It almost looked as if the glass itself was melting.

Sighing, I leaned my cheek against my hand while gazing out the window. A few groups of people decided to brave the heavy rain, one of them being a couple. The two we huddled underneath a large red umbrella laughing together as the walked and splashed through the puddles. I felt a pang of jealously and angrily turned towards Payton. She glanced at me with a raised eyebrow, her fork full of salad greens paused halfway towards her mouth. I avoided her gaze and let my eyes wander around the crowded café. People were scattered all over. Booths and tables were filled, as was the small bar near the front of the café. A few drenched souls walked through the glass double doors, shaking off excess water and shivering as the cold air glazed over their soaked skin.

However, I barely noticed this as my eyes were drawn to many of the figures eating around Payton and I. Couples of all ages were dinning happily, smiling, laughing, and looking at each other, as if they were each other's world. The middle-aged couple nearest me was holding hands over the table and I could her faint, "I love you's."

Angrily I turned away from them, attempting to keep in tears that were burning my eyelids. I picked up my fork and began to stab my pasta forcefully. I knew that I should be happy for those who had significant others, yet I was so angry and jealous that I couldn't bring myself to actually do so. I continued to stab my pasta mercilessly, while glaring at the silver utensil. I heard soft laughter coming from the couple behind me and I felt my shoulders stiffen. The jealousy was now turning to rage as I continued to ram my fork into the now mashed noodles with new vigor. All the love around me was making me sick. I hated how happy they were. I hated how in love they were. I hated how they had someone. I hated how they had what I didn't. Yet, most of all I hated myself.

Someone as amazing as Brendon had come along, shown an obvious interest in me and I hadn't even bothered to fly out and see him.

Suddenly I felt a hand on mine, stopping my pasta stabbing.

"Bay." I ignored the voice and continued glaring at my battered meal.

"Bailey," Payton spoke softly, "Honey. What's wrong?"

I blinked back tears that were threatening to spill from my eyes and shook my head angrily. My long brown waves fell about my shoulders, shielding my face from unwanted glances. I was so angry with myself. I could feel a small break down coming on and Payton noticed this. Hurriedly she flagged down our waiter asking for out check. I glanced up at Payton as a single tear fell down my face. Quickly I wiped it away and took a few deep breaths as Payton reached into her purse to pay.

"I can pay," I muttered pathetically but Payton wouldn't listen.

She thanked the waiter after he came back with her change and tipped him generously. Struggling to control myself, I stood shakily and rushed towards Payton's car. It was there that I planned to breakdown sobbing until I could barely breath. Why I had suddenly had this lapse in control of my emotional state was beyond me. I was vaguely aware of Payton as she walked silently beside me, the only sounds coming from the commotion around us. Involuntarily another tear fell from my eye and like the one before it, I quickly wiped it away. My eyes burned as my emotions threatened to spill from my eyes. I didn't know why I was suddenly bursting at the seams like this but I was and there was nothing that I could do to stop it.

I walked swiftly down the slick sidewalk, barely noticing the rain seeping through my clothing. People rushed by me, heads bowed and determined looks on their faces as they trudged through the rain. The sky above looked stormy and grey reflecting my emotional state. Winds whipped my drenched hair about my face, stinging my flesh where it made contact. A feeling of desperation and anger rose within me, both being directed towards me. I felt such great self-pity and hatred at once that I began to shake. I stomped faster towards Payton's car ignoring the cold.

Once her car came into view she sprinted forwards unlocking the door and sitting inside in record time. I however, kept my pace and continued to glare at the sidewalk beneath me. Tears fell down my face against my will but I did nothing to wipe them away, they blended in with the rain. Opening the car door, I felt a blast of heat hit me in the face, warming my chilled bones. I was barely aware of my surroundings as Payton sped through the streets. If it would have been any other time I would have warned her against hydroplaning, but at this point I could have cared less if the car went plunging over a cliff. She eventually turned off the heat to keep the windows from fogging up and after that did nothing more except her erratic driving.

Soon we pulled into our apartment's building garage and she parked her car next to my own. She turned off the machine and the lack of sound making my ears ring. I sat still, facing forward through the foggy window. Payton sat patiently beside me waiting for me to speak. I let out a shaky breath and let go of my self-control. Sobs wracked my body making the car shake slightly. I pulled my knees up to my chest, curling myself into a small ball and let out all my pent of feelings.

"Oh sweetie," Payton cooed while pulling me towards her and cradling me in her arms.

"I'm s-so s-stupid!" I wailed into her chest, hiccupping on the last word.

"No you're not Bailey," she said softly. I continued to cry as she stroked my hair.

"Y-yes I am!" I cried once more.

"No you're not," she insisted once more. I whined in protest. "Just let it out Bay," she sighed. "You need to cry every once and awhile."

I opened my mouth to speak but instead a sob replaced it. My breathing hitched as I continued to cry on her shoulder. We sat in her car in silence until my breathing finally evened out and my sobs had stopped. I had to admit, I did feel tremendously better after crying but now I had developed a minor headache. I groaned while sniffing slightly.

"I'm pathetic," I mumbled.

"No you're not. You're human." I rolled my eyes before stretching out my legs, which had fallen asleep by this time.

"Thanks Pay."

"No problem hun," she said. "You'd do the same for me."

I smiled, pulling her into a one sided hug and stepped out of the car waiting as she gathered her belongings. As we began to walk towards the elevator, my phone rang. I continued to walk as I answered.

"Hey Dawn."

"Bailey! Thank God!" she said exasperatedly. I smiled into the phone mouthing to Payton who it was that called.

"What's up?" I asked barely noticing her bizarre behavior.

"Only the biggest event to ever grace us!" she yelled again.

"What?"

"You will never guess who just booked us to cater a party!" Dawn began to speak quickly her words slurring together making it difficult to understand. I pressed the phone closer to my ear as I unlocked the front door, attempting to decipher what she was saying.

"-and when I came in this morning I saw that you had a few messages, oh I hope that you don't mind that I listened to them, I couldn't help myself." I opened my mouth to respond but gave up as she continued to relay her story. "And so I wrote the first three down for you, nothing important really just a few questions and such. Anyway, I was listening to this message and it was this guy. You will never believe who it was!" She paused and I took this as my cue to answer.

"Elvis?" Payton scoffed at me and sat across from me as I made coffee.

"No!" Dawn's voice had gone up an octave and I could only imagine her jumping up and down like a squirrel on crack.

"Then who was it?" I asked handing Payton a cup of the steaming liquid. She sipped it happily, smirking at me over the cup. I gave her a look before taking a long drink.

"A Mr. Pete Wentz!" Dawn screamed. I chocked slightly on my drink as my eyes went wide. I coughed while placing my cup back onto the counter in front of me.

"W-what?" I asked hardly believing what I was hearing.

"Pete Wentz wants you to cater a party for him," she explained. "And he specifically asked for you Bay."

I sat down stunned beyond belief. I hadn't even known that Pete Wentz had known my name. I listened intently as Dawn explained to me what he had said. Apparently, I was to call him as soon as possible and after scrambling to find a pen and piece of paper to write his number on, I hung up and turned towards Payton.

"Oh my God…"I mumbled.

"What?" she asked, hiding a smile.

"Pete Wentz wants me to cater for one of his parties."

"Really?" she asked her smile widening. I nodded my own smile being so big that it was beginning to hurt my face. "That's great! Are you going to call him?" she asked motioning towards the paper in my hand.

"Duh."

"Well good luck," she said while standing up.

"Where are you going?"

"There's a performance down on campus," she began, "It’s a poetry type thing. I didn't think that you would want to go." I laughed.

"You thought right." She rolled her eyes before walking towards her room to change her clothes and dry her hair. I followed her and changed into a pair of dark denims and an emerald colored tank. After taking a clean white towel and wrapping my wet hair into it, I walked into the kitchen. Taking my cell phone and notebook I sat at one of the barstools and dialed the numbers scrawled across the paper. It rang twice before a deep voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Wentz?" I asked, attempting to control my fast beating heart.

"Yes?"

"Hi. My name is Bailey Jenkins. You called earlier…"

And so started my very first phone call with Pete Wentz.

~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~. ~

Ten minutes later, I had hung up and sighed in contentment.

"How was it?" My head shot up.

"It was like working at home," I joked. Payton rolled her eyes before sitting down on the couch beside me.

"So what's the plan?" she asked.

"I'm leaving for Vegas two days after you," I answered attempting to contain my smile. Payton let out a small squeal and began to laugh hysterically. I eyed her skeptically before laughing at her random nature.

"This is great!" she exclaimed. "Now you can go bag your man." I rolled my eyes.

"He's not mine Pay."

"Not yet anyway…" she responded. I sighed trying to keep my smile off my face. I wasn’t going to lie, I was partially excited to go and see Brendon for the first time in a while. The thought of just being in the same state as him made my pulse beat erratically. I looked over at Payton to see her looking at me with a shrewd smirk. I rolled my eyes and decided to change the subject.

"What time do you have to leave?" I asked. She shrugged.

"Sometime after six." I glanced up at the clock.

"Pay…" She looked up at me. "It's ten after seven…"

"Shit!" she exclaimed. I laughed as she ran around grabbing her shoes, purse and raincoat. A few curses later, she was out the door leaving me alone. I stood up knowingly and walked towards the door. Suddenly the door swung open to reveal a panicked looking Payton.

Bailey!" she shouted in my face. "I can't fine my-"

I cut her off by handing her cell phone to her with a small smile and sent her off once again with a small pat on the head. Once she had gone, I was left alone in the small apartment. I fanned myself, extremely uncomfortable in the heated room. The one thing Payton and I could never agree on. She was naturally cold where as I was habitually warm. It could be in the high nineties and Payton would be sitting under an afghan with a sweatshirt, slippers and flannel pants on where as I could be found with the air conditioning on when the temperature was borderline zero.

Quickly I walked throughout the apartment opening all the windows. The cool breeze swept through the stuffy rooms bringing with it the smell of rain and dirt. I sighed letting the aroma wash over me. Figuring that I should get my packing out of the way, I headed back towards my familiar room. Once there, I walked over to my organized walk in closet and heaved out my suitcases. After a few minutes of debate on whether I should take two smaller bags or one larger case, I decided on the larger case with the justification that I would take an oversized purse, for me at least, as my carry on. I would only be spending four days is Las Vegas but I had no idea what to expect, so I packed both work clothes and my normal everyday wear.

Almost two hours later, I was finished and decided that I would go out maybe to get something to eat, but mainly just to be out of the house. I was unusually restless and wanted to walk off my thoughts.
Quietly I walked back into my room, putting on a long sleeved off the shoulder white top. The fuzzy material hugged my body but let enough air though that I was able to breath. I ran a quick hand through my hair, checked to make sure that my make up wasn't too smeared and gathered my purse, deciding that my decision to leave open all the windows wasn't a bad idea seeing as Payton and I lived on the eighth floor. I wrapped by black leather jacket tightly around me and walked down the many flights of stairs and onto the wet pavement. The next hour or so consisted of me meandering through the busy streets and wandering through a random park.

However, a downpour of rain causing me to seek shelter in a near by coffee house. It was crowded with people who had had the same idea. I decided to splurge and blow my non-existent diet, and ordered a large piece of chocolate cake with a recommended coffee. My mouth was drooling at the scent of my order while I searched for an open table, chair or something that I could use. I almost gave up when I saw an elderly man and woman stand slowly from a small table in a tiny nook near the front of the store. Carefully I edged my way towards the nearly vacated table. I smiled to myself as the two slowly made their way towards the front door, the man being chivalrous and holding open the large door to his female counterpart.

I sighed in relief as I sat in the small chair while placing my purchases on the circular table in front of me. Gingerly I began to eat my cake while staring out the large window near me. The dark street was illuminated by high standing orange streetlights, casting a warm glow onto the wet pavements below. Cars, buses and taxicabs drove by quickly, their headlights throwing light in in many directions.
I sat contently eating and drinking while going over my day. Besides my slight lapse of sanity in the car earlier today, it had gone over quite well. I blushed slightly from embarrassment at my behavior. I couldn't believe that I had broken down like that. It wasn't like me to cry and it was extremely uncommon for it to occur because of a boy. Well, man in Brendon's case.

I shifted in my seat as I placed my purse onto the floor by my feet. It was there that something caught my eye, a glossy gossip magazine. Normally I would scoff at these pieces of "literature" however; it wasn't the magazine itself that caught my eye but the picture on the front cover. Leaning down slightly, I grasped the magazine and placed it onto the table in front of me. I stared shocked at the front cover.
Quickly I flipped to the table of contents and found the appropriate page turning there in such a hurry that I ripped a few pages. I felt my breath hitch as I read the title.

"Brendon the Beau"

Wide eyed I scanned the article, finding my stomach sink lower and my heart being ripped apart.

"Front man of Panic At The Disco, Brendon Urie, was seen arm in arm and very cozy with a mysterious blonde beauty at a local venue before one of PATD's performances."

I hurriedly read the rest of the article, avoiding pictures of them together. They made me queasy. The girl was gorgeous. I felt my self-esteem dissipate as I saw the two of them together.

Payton had been right. I was too late.

It was my fault. I was the only one to blame.

I had had my chance with him and I had completely ruined it.