I Always Hated Secrets.

I was sobbing so hard, I could hardly breathe. I think I started to hyperventilate, because all of a sudden Bob was by my side, holding my hand and telling me to breathe.

I slowly regained a regular breathing pattern and looked around.

I realized that now, not only Mikey was screaming at Ray. Gerard was holding him down and punching his stomach, while Mikey kicked his sides, screaming how sick he was.

Bob rolled me over and I screamed out in pain, and yet more tears started to leak out of my tear ducts and onto my shirt, soaking it completely.

"I'm so sorry, Frankie. God, I'm so sorry." Bob whispered, his voice cracking slightly. I looked up at him to see his eyes were watering.

"D-don't cry, B-bobby.." I whimpered, wiping the lone tear that fell from Bob's eyes. I closed my eyes for a moment. Unsure of what was really happening right now. I was really happy that I didn't have to go through that again, though.

I hated the fact that Ray had control over me because of my secret. I had told him in the hopes of him helping me somehow. I needed to tell someone, I thought I could trust him. Instead he told me how wrong it was.

That if the rest of the band, or the world, found out, then I would surely be kicked out of the band for being so disgusting. At the time I told him I would do anything for him not to tell, so it ended up like this.

A thought occurred to me, and I choked on my spit. He would tell! If I stopped my services to him, in turn he would stop his services for me! That couldn't’t happen though!

If they ever found out…

“G-guys! S-stop hurting h-him!” I tried scrambling to my feet but ended up falling on my side again. I cried out in complete agony. I felt arms lifting me up and I saw Gerard and Mikey on both sides of me, holding me up. My heart stopped as I saw the anger and sadness prominently displayed on Gerard’s face. I hated the fact that I caused that, but I was also happy that he noticed me.

Gently I was let down on the couch, resting on my stomach, my head tilted to the side so I could breathe and talk.

“….cancel the show. He can’t perform like this.” My eyes widened as I heard Gerard’s voice.

“N-no!!” Before I could lift myself to look at him, Gerard kneeled down so his face was in front of mine. My heart fluttered at the close proximity and I struggled to form a coherent sentence, let alone come up with a reason to continue performing. I knew Ray wouldn't’t like it that much if we couldn't’t perform all because Iliked loved Gerard.

“Frankie?” My heart started beating again, this time forcing blood through my veins, so fast it could have powered a race car. “What were you saying?”

“I… I.. I’m fine t-to p-play. I-I’m not h-hurt that b-bad.” I was glad Gerard obscured my vision. I didn't want to see Ray’s angry face. I didn't want to see his brown eyes burning holes I me, though I could feel them. I tried to pretend I was perfectly fine, as if my entire body didn't hurt. I tried to pretend I wasn't a mass of imperfection. I tried to pretend I was perfectly fine, an angel like Gerard.

I slowly tried to sit up, to prove my point I was fine, even though the pain of attempting such a feat was making my head pound and whirl. I felt a hand grip my bruised arm, trying to stop me.

“What are you doing?” His angelic voice came again and I lost all concentration I had, falling again on the soft cushions of the couch.

“G-getting up.” I struggled back up, trying to sit on my sore butt. “I-I’m fine. S-see?” I smiled at Gerard. He frowned though.

“Frankie, you are not fine. We are canceling the show. You can’t play like that.” Gerard’s hand left my arm as he stood. I looked up at him and caught his hand.

“I-I’m fine.” Mikey took my hand instead, but my attention wasn’t drawn from Gerard. He shook his head.

“I’m not playing on stage today. Not after what just happened.” He turned and left the room, probably to tell whoever was in charge of all of this that there would be no show.

Mikey stood from his kneeling position on the floor and gently moved me so I was laying on my stomach again. Bob entered the room again. I didn't know he had left. I looked around, and because I didn't see Ray I figured Bob took him somewhere.

I knew I’d have to make up to Ray for this later.