I Always Hated Secrets.

Bob went to his bunk soon after, kissing me goodnight and hugging me gently.

I know I like him, I really do. But, I'm in love with Gerard. Thats the reason for this whole ordeal too. I don't know how I'm going to be able to tell Bob, but I know I need to.

I wasn't so tired, and it was only ten thirty so I decided to try and take a shower.

I waddled over to the washroom, ignoring the pain. This feeling is pain is becoming numb to me now, after enduring so god damned much.

I stripped myself of my flannel pajamas and folded them carefully, setting them on the counter beside the sink.

Stepping into the shower, I winced slightly. Actually lifting my legs, hurt so bad. That type of intense pain I can't ignore. It's impossible to ignore somebody hitting you with a bus, and I feel like I've been hit by a bus, and run over by it as well. Then, had some crazy person come and rape me up the ass like crazy.

The last part is true, though.

I always wonder how Ray thinks I'm supposed to get used to the fact and pain of getting raped by your best friend. He doesn't care how I feel, if I'm bleeding, if he's hurting me. Maybe if he did, and he just had plain old sex with me, it wouldn't hurt as much.

I admit though, it would be really awkward having sex with him. Not getting raped, but actually having sex with him, where I participated, without being forced.

I bent down to turn the water on, and I groaned in pure agony. It felt like somebody was splitting me open, ripping my skin apart and throwing my muscles around carelessly.

Quickly turning the hot water on, I shot back up, not caring how much it hurt.

I whimpered as the scorching water splashed against my body, slowly washing away all the dried off blood from my body. I watched the pink water swirl around the drain and get sucked in.

It sort of reminded me of how my soul was slowly getting sucked away with all these sick things I've been doing. The water being my soul, and the drain being the black hole, sucking the liveliness out of me.

I wish being gay wasn't such a big deal to Ray. He was never religious, and never mentioned having a problem with gay people. Was it just because it was me, his best friend?

I stood there thinking, analyzing each question over in my mind, trying to find some sort of answer. I don't know how long I was standing there, but it was long enough to have wasted all the hot water.

Yelping as the cold water hit my broken body, I quickly made my way out of the shower, drying myself off carefully. I pulled on my pajamas and quietly made my way out of the washroom.

I looked over at the bunks and my eyes widened at the sight before me.

Gerard was glaring down at Ray, who had a black eye, a busted lip, and blood all over his face. He looked like he was unconscious, and I sighed in relief, knowing that he wouldn't be able to confront me now.

I listened carefully, and could hear Gerard's quiet sobs. He was murmuring about how he wanted to save his little Frankie, and how much he hated Ray.

"I wish I could do something.." He whispered, while drawing the curtain to Ray's bunk shut.

He shook his head and sobbed loudly, making his way into his own bunk.

My lip quivered slightly as I walked to my bunk. Does Gerard really care for me that much?

What if.. What if, he loves me back?

No, no, no. He doesn't. He's just feeling sorry for me. Taking pity on poor little Frankie.

I stood in front of my bunk and shook my head, turning around to get into Bob's bunk instead. I needed the feeling of safety he gave me right now.

I snuggled into him and kissed his chest lightly. I'm so glad I have him.

"Frankie?" He whispered, making me squeak in surprise.

"I'm sorry Bob! I didn't mean to wake you up.." I whispered, reaching out to caress his face.

He grabbed my hand and kissed it lightly. I giggled, his beard was tickling me!

"No, it's okay. I was still awake anyways." He reassured me, placing a protective arm around me.

"Bob?" I asked, taking a deep breath.

"Yeah, Frankie?"

"Would.. Would you, maybe want to be my.. b-boyfriend?" I whispered, closing my eyes in fear of rejection.

"I'd love to, honey." Bob whispered, leaning into kiss me.

I kissed him back, but this time with no tongue.

When we pulled away, he asked me a question that I didn't expect him to ask so soon.

"Frank.. What secrets do Ray know, for him to do this to you?"