No One But You
No One But You [STANDALONE]
POV: Billie Joe
A hand above the water
An angel reaching for the sky
Is it raining in heaven -
Do you want us to cry?
And everywhere the broken-hearted
On every lonely avenue
No-one could reach them
No-one but you
One by one
Only the Good die young
They're only flying too close to the sun
And life goes on -
Without you...
I sit circling the rim of my wine glass, while the din of voices and music droned through my ears; I don’t take notice of it, I just block it out. ‘It’s what he would have wanted’ they all told me. I suppose in a way, they were right. You would have wanted me to have a good time and forget everything that was bad in my life. But I just can’t bring the glass up to my lips and get smashed. I look over to see the other third of what used to be our three – person band, mingling with all our friends and your relatives. I rub my hand over my face as I feel a headache coming on and I’m not even drunk.
My mind’s wondering now, thinking of times before all of this shit happened. When it was just you and I, we had no care in the world; we were young and in love and that, aside from the band, was all that mattered to us. I think back to the first time you told me you loved me. A small smile creeps onto my face as I picture the memory in my mind. We were only kids then, about fourteen or fifteen years old but we knew we were going to stay together for ever.
I get up silently, keeping my eyes on our shorter, younger, mahogany haired friend just to make sure he can’t see where I’m going. He’s too busy talking to Jason and raising his right hand to take a sip of his beer to notice that I’m gone so I climb the stairs and walk down the hallway.
I skip the first two doors and take the third door on the left. I step in, lock the door and turn on the light. It’s eerie and silent except for the white noise I can hear ringing in my ears. I stand there motionless, my eyes lazily looking over everything in the small bathroom, surveying almost. I stand there for a while until something inside me snaps. I run my arm over the shelf knocking bottles, glasses and hygiene products to the floor. I’m kicking the counter and I’m crying but I don’t care, I need some way to vent how I’m feeling and this at the moment is how it has to be done. I scream a few times unknowingly; no ones going to hear me anyway, they’re all downstairs drinking to your death. How can they do that? Drink to your death. Fuckers didn’t know you, not like I knew you.
My minds racing now and I’m shaking like a leaf, I look down in the direction of my right hand to find red sticky stuff coating it. Blood. I raise my eyes to the mirror to find there’s not much of it left. Shit.
I’m leaning against the wall now, slowly sinking to the floor, burying my face in my bloody hands and sobbing. I cry for you, I cry for me, I cry for Tré, I cry for all the shit that’s gone on over the past three months.
I can’t hack it anymore.
Another Tricky Situation
A get to drowin' in the Blues
And I find myself thinkin'
Well - what would you do?
Yes! - it was such an operation
Forever paying every due
Hell, you made a sensation
You found a way through - and
One by one
Only the Good die young
They're only flyin' too close to the sun
We'll remember -
Forever...
I’m thinking again now, my cries are subsiding and a small smile crawls its way onto my face. I’m thinking of us, how close we were and how much we loved each other. People were convinced we were just going through a ‘faze’, that we would finally realise we were not normal and move on to find girlfriends and get married. My mom didn’t mind us and loved having you around the house but I always got scared when he came home.
I wipe my eyes on the back of my sleeve; the music now just a faint murmur vibrating through the floor and up my back. My thoughts are going on to something later now, when we were seventeen years old. Most kids had already done what we were about to do but we didn’t care; we waited until the time was right and I’m glad for that because I’ll never forget it. Never forget what you looked like on top of me, never forget how gentle you were, never forget how you asked me silently with your eyes if I was okay, never forget how you felt inside of me, never forget how you or I moaned in pure ecstasy, I’ll never forget what you sounded like when you moaned out my name, and I’ll never forget how you lay next to me, wrapping your arms around my tiny frame, lulling me into a deep sleep.
I smile and look in to a piece of mirror on the floor in front of me, there I see you, your smile your laugh and I hear your voice in my ear, “I’m always here for you, talk to me when you need to, I’ll always listen. I love you Billie Joe.”
I’m now seeing visions of the past few weeks, I’m trying to block them out but all I see is your dishevelled face, your tired eyes and expression. I’m seeing you moments before you died, I can see your faint smile and I can see you hug Tré and tell him you’ll miss him and to take care of me.
A fresh wave of tears come over me, they’re not silent and I’m bawling now, I cant breathe and I think I hear a faint knocking but I don’t know whether my mind is playing tricks on me. My eyes are darting round the bathroom; wherever I look I see your cold, dead, pale face. The banging is getting louder now and I’m ignoring it. I’m concentrating on your face, the one my mind has planted in my head for all eternity. I’m hearing my name being called; it’s not your voice at least I don’t think it is but I don’t know because all I can hear is banging and all I can see is you. It’s my fault, I let you die, you died because of me, I’m a murderer, I killed you… I’m shouting ‘No’ over and over now. I don’t know how loud because most of my hearing has been drowned out. My breaths are still ragged and I can see you everywhere. I’m wondering if I’m dying until I hear a faint crash and arms wrap around me.
I latch on to the strong arms enveloping me, fingernails digging in, piercing the flesh underneath them. I’m still crying loudly and I’m hearing shushes from a familiar voice. I fall forward; pushing my head into the thin material covering a person’s chest, trying to hide away from the images floating around my mind.
I’m hearing the voice again,
“Billie, I’m right here, come on buddy. Breathe.” It’s not yours and I’m recognising it to be Tré’s. I’m doing as I’m told and I’m trying to slow my breathing, but I’m still crying in grief over loosing you. I’m hiccupping and concentrating on the arms circling over my back. I remember how you used to do this to me, I remember your hands and your light kisses on my temple to calm me down.
It’s almost slowed completely now but I’m still shaking slightly and sobbing.
“Mike…”
“I know Billie.” I’m looking up now to see Tré’s face, washed over with grief that hadn’t yet surfaced because I’ve been with him all day and he wont cry in front of me, same as you wouldn’t. I only ever saw you cry a few times,
“I miss him… I want him back.” I whimper.
“I know Billie, I miss him too.” Tré shushes me. I’m moving my hands from his arms now, leaving crescent moon shaped cuts in their wake. Tré tilts my head up to look at him; he smiles a sad smile.
“Talk to me.” I sigh shakily, I don’t want to talk, I don’t do talking, but Tré’s looking at me with total confidence and the look on his face is letting me know that this conversation will be strictly confidential.
“I – I miss him.”
“I know.”
“I want him back.”
“Me too.”
“I love him.”
“I know you do Billie.” I close my eyes and sigh. The bad pictures have faded now and I can see your smile. I open them again to see Tré studying my face. I’m moving my hand up to his face to trace my thumb under his right eye. I wipe away a lonesome tear and smile a genuine smile.
And now the party must be over
I guess we'll never understand
The sense of your leaving
Was it the way it was planned?
And so we grace another table
And raise our glasses one more time
There's a face at the window
And I ain't never, never sayin' goodbye...
One by one
Only the Good die young
They're only flyin' too close to the sun
Cryin' for nothing
Cryin' for no-one
No-one but you
I’m leaning up to him now, I know you wont mind it if I do what I’m about to do, because you know I have to move on. You are my best friend, even if you’re no longer here in person, you’re still here in my heart. I brush my lips to Tré’s quickly and sweetly, he smiles a little before saying,
“I love you.”
“I know.” I reply.
“You love him.”
“I know.” I answer.
“But you love me like a friend.” He states.
“I do.”
“Good.”
We’re getting up off the floor now. He’s taking me over to the first aid box and dresses my wounded hand. Once he’s done we’re walking back down to the living room and we mingle with friends and your relatives; thinking of good times.
And never forgetting.
A hand above the water
An angel reaching for the sky
Is it raining in heaven -
Do you want us to cry?
And everywhere the broken-hearted
On every lonely avenue
No-one could reach them
No-one but you
One by one
Only the Good die young
They're only flying too close to the sun
And life goes on -
Without you...
I sit circling the rim of my wine glass, while the din of voices and music droned through my ears; I don’t take notice of it, I just block it out. ‘It’s what he would have wanted’ they all told me. I suppose in a way, they were right. You would have wanted me to have a good time and forget everything that was bad in my life. But I just can’t bring the glass up to my lips and get smashed. I look over to see the other third of what used to be our three – person band, mingling with all our friends and your relatives. I rub my hand over my face as I feel a headache coming on and I’m not even drunk.
My mind’s wondering now, thinking of times before all of this shit happened. When it was just you and I, we had no care in the world; we were young and in love and that, aside from the band, was all that mattered to us. I think back to the first time you told me you loved me. A small smile creeps onto my face as I picture the memory in my mind. We were only kids then, about fourteen or fifteen years old but we knew we were going to stay together for ever.
I get up silently, keeping my eyes on our shorter, younger, mahogany haired friend just to make sure he can’t see where I’m going. He’s too busy talking to Jason and raising his right hand to take a sip of his beer to notice that I’m gone so I climb the stairs and walk down the hallway.
I skip the first two doors and take the third door on the left. I step in, lock the door and turn on the light. It’s eerie and silent except for the white noise I can hear ringing in my ears. I stand there motionless, my eyes lazily looking over everything in the small bathroom, surveying almost. I stand there for a while until something inside me snaps. I run my arm over the shelf knocking bottles, glasses and hygiene products to the floor. I’m kicking the counter and I’m crying but I don’t care, I need some way to vent how I’m feeling and this at the moment is how it has to be done. I scream a few times unknowingly; no ones going to hear me anyway, they’re all downstairs drinking to your death. How can they do that? Drink to your death. Fuckers didn’t know you, not like I knew you.
My minds racing now and I’m shaking like a leaf, I look down in the direction of my right hand to find red sticky stuff coating it. Blood. I raise my eyes to the mirror to find there’s not much of it left. Shit.
I’m leaning against the wall now, slowly sinking to the floor, burying my face in my bloody hands and sobbing. I cry for you, I cry for me, I cry for Tré, I cry for all the shit that’s gone on over the past three months.
I can’t hack it anymore.
Another Tricky Situation
A get to drowin' in the Blues
And I find myself thinkin'
Well - what would you do?
Yes! - it was such an operation
Forever paying every due
Hell, you made a sensation
You found a way through - and
One by one
Only the Good die young
They're only flyin' too close to the sun
We'll remember -
Forever...
I’m thinking again now, my cries are subsiding and a small smile crawls its way onto my face. I’m thinking of us, how close we were and how much we loved each other. People were convinced we were just going through a ‘faze’, that we would finally realise we were not normal and move on to find girlfriends and get married. My mom didn’t mind us and loved having you around the house but I always got scared when he came home.
I wipe my eyes on the back of my sleeve; the music now just a faint murmur vibrating through the floor and up my back. My thoughts are going on to something later now, when we were seventeen years old. Most kids had already done what we were about to do but we didn’t care; we waited until the time was right and I’m glad for that because I’ll never forget it. Never forget what you looked like on top of me, never forget how gentle you were, never forget how you asked me silently with your eyes if I was okay, never forget how you felt inside of me, never forget how you or I moaned in pure ecstasy, I’ll never forget what you sounded like when you moaned out my name, and I’ll never forget how you lay next to me, wrapping your arms around my tiny frame, lulling me into a deep sleep.
I smile and look in to a piece of mirror on the floor in front of me, there I see you, your smile your laugh and I hear your voice in my ear, “I’m always here for you, talk to me when you need to, I’ll always listen. I love you Billie Joe.”
I’m now seeing visions of the past few weeks, I’m trying to block them out but all I see is your dishevelled face, your tired eyes and expression. I’m seeing you moments before you died, I can see your faint smile and I can see you hug Tré and tell him you’ll miss him and to take care of me.
A fresh wave of tears come over me, they’re not silent and I’m bawling now, I cant breathe and I think I hear a faint knocking but I don’t know whether my mind is playing tricks on me. My eyes are darting round the bathroom; wherever I look I see your cold, dead, pale face. The banging is getting louder now and I’m ignoring it. I’m concentrating on your face, the one my mind has planted in my head for all eternity. I’m hearing my name being called; it’s not your voice at least I don’t think it is but I don’t know because all I can hear is banging and all I can see is you. It’s my fault, I let you die, you died because of me, I’m a murderer, I killed you… I’m shouting ‘No’ over and over now. I don’t know how loud because most of my hearing has been drowned out. My breaths are still ragged and I can see you everywhere. I’m wondering if I’m dying until I hear a faint crash and arms wrap around me.
I latch on to the strong arms enveloping me, fingernails digging in, piercing the flesh underneath them. I’m still crying loudly and I’m hearing shushes from a familiar voice. I fall forward; pushing my head into the thin material covering a person’s chest, trying to hide away from the images floating around my mind.
I’m hearing the voice again,
“Billie, I’m right here, come on buddy. Breathe.” It’s not yours and I’m recognising it to be Tré’s. I’m doing as I’m told and I’m trying to slow my breathing, but I’m still crying in grief over loosing you. I’m hiccupping and concentrating on the arms circling over my back. I remember how you used to do this to me, I remember your hands and your light kisses on my temple to calm me down.
It’s almost slowed completely now but I’m still shaking slightly and sobbing.
“Mike…”
“I know Billie.” I’m looking up now to see Tré’s face, washed over with grief that hadn’t yet surfaced because I’ve been with him all day and he wont cry in front of me, same as you wouldn’t. I only ever saw you cry a few times,
“I miss him… I want him back.” I whimper.
“I know Billie, I miss him too.” Tré shushes me. I’m moving my hands from his arms now, leaving crescent moon shaped cuts in their wake. Tré tilts my head up to look at him; he smiles a sad smile.
“Talk to me.” I sigh shakily, I don’t want to talk, I don’t do talking, but Tré’s looking at me with total confidence and the look on his face is letting me know that this conversation will be strictly confidential.
“I – I miss him.”
“I know.”
“I want him back.”
“Me too.”
“I love him.”
“I know you do Billie.” I close my eyes and sigh. The bad pictures have faded now and I can see your smile. I open them again to see Tré studying my face. I’m moving my hand up to his face to trace my thumb under his right eye. I wipe away a lonesome tear and smile a genuine smile.
And now the party must be over
I guess we'll never understand
The sense of your leaving
Was it the way it was planned?
And so we grace another table
And raise our glasses one more time
There's a face at the window
And I ain't never, never sayin' goodbye...
One by one
Only the Good die young
They're only flyin' too close to the sun
Cryin' for nothing
Cryin' for no-one
No-one but you
I’m leaning up to him now, I know you wont mind it if I do what I’m about to do, because you know I have to move on. You are my best friend, even if you’re no longer here in person, you’re still here in my heart. I brush my lips to Tré’s quickly and sweetly, he smiles a little before saying,
“I love you.”
“I know.” I reply.
“You love him.”
“I know.” I answer.
“But you love me like a friend.” He states.
“I do.”
“Good.”
We’re getting up off the floor now. He’s taking me over to the first aid box and dresses my wounded hand. Once he’s done we’re walking back down to the living room and we mingle with friends and your relatives; thinking of good times.
And never forgetting.