Hit or Miss
Television Makes Us Dumb
"I'm leaving." Rian stands up and walks in the opposite direction. "I'm going home. You guys can do whatever you want, but I'm not a part of this."
"Okay. Bye, Ryan!" Zack, Jack, and I wave at Rian's back as he heads towards his car. We knew he would refuse to help us, but we made him come with us anyway.
"What are you guys doing?", you ask?
We're going to blow up all of the cars at Walmart this morning at nine o' clock. Why? Well, why not? They're just these innocent little cars, sitting by as their owners walk in to by their necessities. Putting them in car heaven might be better than leaving these poor things all alone.
Well, that's not what we were thinking, but I'm sure we can make something up if the cops come along.
Anyway, we had everything set up: Matches, gasoline, flammable liquids...it's great. We brought them by the boatload in our cars. And we were smart to park our cars some ways away from here, except for Rian. He just drove into the parking lot, told us he was leaving, and left.
Jack sits on the ground. "Guys, what are we doing? I don't get it." He looks at me. "Why are we doing this, anyway?"
"We saw it on a 'King of the Hill' episode, and Zack and I decided to try it out." I grin. Television really does make us stupid. I'm surprised I'm not dead yet after all of the stupid stunts I've pulled in my entire life.
Zack and I pick up a thing of gasoline each and start dousing the parking lot with it. We start at opposite sides, spraying the fuels wildly, but trying our best not to splash any of it onto our clothes. Once we finish, Jack plugs his nose. "Man, it really wreaks up in here, guys." He frowns. "Man, I hate the smell of gasoline."
"Hey, Jack?" He looks at me. "Can you get off your lazy ass and help out with this, please?" He shakes his head with a huge smile on his face. "Why not?" I ask, full of frustration.
"Because watching you guys do it is much better than me getting off my ass to help you." Jack grins as he watches Zack douse more of the gasoline onto the parking lot. Some of the shoppers were coming out and staring at us. They crinkled their noses at the smell of fuel.
I'm so close to laughing, but I hold it in. They can't know our secret plan. It'd be ruined if any of them knew what was going on. Jack almost stands up to tell someone, but Zack grabs his shoulder. "Dude, if you tell one of them, I will seriously wupp your ass."
He sits back down.
Zack and I start spraying flammable liquid everywhere, even on the cars. Wepeg toss the empty canisters at Jack, who throws us back fresh new cans. Once we finish, I wipe the sweat from my brow and see Zack lighting a joint.
Wait...
"ZACK, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?" I tackle him, but the lighter drops onto the floor. "THERE'S FUEL AND SHIT EVERYWHERE, MAN!" My eyes grow wide. "Oh shit..." I start sprinting away from the lighter as the fire spreads rapidly. I see Zack trying to take his shirt off while running because it's soaked in WD-40. I roll my eyes as I reach the street. Jack's by my side and grinning like a maniac.
"Dude, that has to be the coolest thing ever."
I'm never blowing up another parking lot again.
"Okay. Bye, Ryan!" Zack, Jack, and I wave at Rian's back as he heads towards his car. We knew he would refuse to help us, but we made him come with us anyway.
"What are you guys doing?", you ask?
We're going to blow up all of the cars at Walmart this morning at nine o' clock. Why? Well, why not? They're just these innocent little cars, sitting by as their owners walk in to by their necessities. Putting them in car heaven might be better than leaving these poor things all alone.
Well, that's not what we were thinking, but I'm sure we can make something up if the cops come along.
Anyway, we had everything set up: Matches, gasoline, flammable liquids...it's great. We brought them by the boatload in our cars. And we were smart to park our cars some ways away from here, except for Rian. He just drove into the parking lot, told us he was leaving, and left.
Jack sits on the ground. "Guys, what are we doing? I don't get it." He looks at me. "Why are we doing this, anyway?"
"We saw it on a 'King of the Hill' episode, and Zack and I decided to try it out." I grin. Television really does make us stupid. I'm surprised I'm not dead yet after all of the stupid stunts I've pulled in my entire life.
Zack and I pick up a thing of gasoline each and start dousing the parking lot with it. We start at opposite sides, spraying the fuels wildly, but trying our best not to splash any of it onto our clothes. Once we finish, Jack plugs his nose. "Man, it really wreaks up in here, guys." He frowns. "Man, I hate the smell of gasoline."
"Hey, Jack?" He looks at me. "Can you get off your lazy ass and help out with this, please?" He shakes his head with a huge smile on his face. "Why not?" I ask, full of frustration.
"Because watching you guys do it is much better than me getting off my ass to help you." Jack grins as he watches Zack douse more of the gasoline onto the parking lot. Some of the shoppers were coming out and staring at us. They crinkled their noses at the smell of fuel.
I'm so close to laughing, but I hold it in. They can't know our secret plan. It'd be ruined if any of them knew what was going on. Jack almost stands up to tell someone, but Zack grabs his shoulder. "Dude, if you tell one of them, I will seriously wupp your ass."
He sits back down.
Zack and I start spraying flammable liquid everywhere, even on the cars. Wepeg toss the empty canisters at Jack, who throws us back fresh new cans. Once we finish, I wipe the sweat from my brow and see Zack lighting a joint.
Wait...
"ZACK, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?" I tackle him, but the lighter drops onto the floor. "THERE'S FUEL AND SHIT EVERYWHERE, MAN!" My eyes grow wide. "Oh shit..." I start sprinting away from the lighter as the fire spreads rapidly. I see Zack trying to take his shirt off while running because it's soaked in WD-40. I roll my eyes as I reach the street. Jack's by my side and grinning like a maniac.
"Dude, that has to be the coolest thing ever."
I'm never blowing up another parking lot again.