Memories seep from my veins
Something so small can cause so much damage
I didn't sleep at all last night. All I could see when I closed my eyes was him on top of me.
Billie came and got me at 2:00. He looked at me in disgust. “You deserve what you got, you shouldn’t have gotten drunk” How did he know?. Tre must have told him, he said he wouldn’t and now Billie is saying that I deserved to get raped. “That’s what happens when you get so drunk, you get a hangover but you act like you don’t deserve it” OK he didn’t know but it sounded like he was talking about that.
“Billie just leave me alone will you” I snapped “God nothing is ever good enough for you, especially when it’s something to do with me.” Billie looked at me as if I had just slapped him.
We were silent for the rest of the journey. When I got into the house I ran right up to my room, closed the door and went into me bathroom that was attached to my room. I searched through my med cupboard and found what I was looking for. A razor blade. I sat on the toilet, playing with the shining metal. “So we’re back to this are we?” “She was fucking raped. She can’t deal. “So she cuts herself. Remember what happened last time.
Flashback
Why can’t Billie leave me alone?.“He shouldn’t look though my drawers, now he’s found my stash” I went into my bathroom and found the blade. I ran the hot water in the bath and got undressed. When the bath was ready I got in and put my head under the water. I sat up, picked up the blade, put it to my wrist and dragged it along leave a trail of red liquid behind it. I did the same with the other wrist and put my arms under the water. I watched the water slowly turn red as I felt myself getting weaker and weaker. I was about to black out when Adrienne came in. “Oh my god” She gasped when she saw me in the bath half conscious “Billie Call 911!” She shouted.
“Why what’s going on? He came into my room to find Adrienne trying to stop the blood that was pouring out of my veins. “Shit” He ran over to me and put my head on his lap.
“Billie call 911” Adrienne cried.
“You do it, she’s my fucking sister” He shouted. “Come on Scarlet stay with me.” He sobbed.
End of flashback
I was in hospital for 3 weeks. I looked at the scars they were so noticeable. I looked at the blade; it shimmered in the sun light. It’s amazing that something so small can cause so much damage to people’s lives. “should I do this and put my family through the pain again” I got up and put the blade in the bin. I went and got changed into my HIM T shirt and hoodie and baggy jeans, I couldn't wear the same clothes I had on last night. When I went down stairs Adrienne was making lunch and Joey and Jakob were sitting at the table with Billie. "So you finally decide to join us then" Billie said sarcastically.
"I was getting changed"
"Well take the hoodie off it's to hot for it"
"Fine" I took it off.
"You're not wearing wrist band" Billie said in shock.
"That's right, why are you bothered anyway?"
"Well you said you would never take them off, remember, you didn't want anyone to see them"
"Well I'm in the house so I don't want to wear them ok"
"Fine"
“Scarlet, Cassis is on the phone”
“I’ll get it in my room” I got up and went to my room.
“Hey Cass, what’s up”
“Chas told me he saw you with Liam last night, where you?”
“No, he must have been seeing thing, drink does that to you”
“OK, it wasn’t Chas who saw you, it was me and I don’t see thing when I’m drunk”
“Then why did you say that Chas saw me?”
“To see what you said. What was going on ?”
“Nothing was going on, what makes you think something was going on?”
“Well, the next time I seen you, you were on the ground, by yourself in total shock. Now what happened”
“Cass, what I tell you can’t go past you ok?” I told her
“OK, I promise I won’t tell anyone”
“Last night, Liam raped me” I heard her gasp.
“Oh my god, why did you say anything?, why don’t you go the cops?”
“Cause I don’t want Billie and Adie to know, Tre knows and you know and you won’t tell anyone will you?”
“Of course not, I promise”
“Ok, I have to go, I’ll see ya Monday”
“Bye” When I hung up, I went back down stairs and heard Billie and Adie fighting.
“Billie, didn’t you get drunk at sixteen” Adie shouted.
“Yes, I did, I wish I didn’t though cause I messed my life up, I started smoking and doing drugs.”
“Billie, you have to let her make her mistakes. If she doesn’t she will never learn, the way she is the now looks like she a has a massive hangover , so she might be learning from if.” Adie shouted then she sighed . “Maybe she should go live with your mom for a while.” I went in at that point.
“You can’t I’m not gonna go”
“Scarlet maybe it would be good for you to get away for a while.”
“No, I’m not going .” Tears were running down. God, why can’t I stop crying. I ran up to my room. I fell on my bed and screamed into my pillow then cried for hours.
I must have fell asleep cause when I woke up it was about five o clock and Adrienne was sitting at the end of my bed.
“Scarlet what’s wrong?”
“Why do you want to get rid of me?”
“I just thought you should stay with your mom for a while. But it’s not that that’s bothering you . Is it.”
“No, but I’m not telling you, I can’t” She just looked at me.
“Ok but when you want to talk tell me ok.”
“Ok” She closed the door and I went to the bathroom.
I fished through the bin and found the blade I can’t do it on my arm. Where can I do it. My leg. I pulled my pants down a little and dragged the blade along it. Tears ran down my face as a winched at the pain. I found my old cloth, it was stained by old blood from years ago. I put on my leg to stop it bleeding too much.
Billie came and got me at 2:00. He looked at me in disgust. “You deserve what you got, you shouldn’t have gotten drunk” How did he know?. Tre must have told him, he said he wouldn’t and now Billie is saying that I deserved to get raped. “That’s what happens when you get so drunk, you get a hangover but you act like you don’t deserve it” OK he didn’t know but it sounded like he was talking about that.
“Billie just leave me alone will you” I snapped “God nothing is ever good enough for you, especially when it’s something to do with me.” Billie looked at me as if I had just slapped him.
We were silent for the rest of the journey. When I got into the house I ran right up to my room, closed the door and went into me bathroom that was attached to my room. I searched through my med cupboard and found what I was looking for. A razor blade. I sat on the toilet, playing with the shining metal. “So we’re back to this are we?” “She was fucking raped. She can’t deal. “So she cuts herself. Remember what happened last time.
Flashback
Why can’t Billie leave me alone?.“He shouldn’t look though my drawers, now he’s found my stash” I went into my bathroom and found the blade. I ran the hot water in the bath and got undressed. When the bath was ready I got in and put my head under the water. I sat up, picked up the blade, put it to my wrist and dragged it along leave a trail of red liquid behind it. I did the same with the other wrist and put my arms under the water. I watched the water slowly turn red as I felt myself getting weaker and weaker. I was about to black out when Adrienne came in. “Oh my god” She gasped when she saw me in the bath half conscious “Billie Call 911!” She shouted.
“Why what’s going on? He came into my room to find Adrienne trying to stop the blood that was pouring out of my veins. “Shit” He ran over to me and put my head on his lap.
“Billie call 911” Adrienne cried.
“You do it, she’s my fucking sister” He shouted. “Come on Scarlet stay with me.” He sobbed.
End of flashback
I was in hospital for 3 weeks. I looked at the scars they were so noticeable. I looked at the blade; it shimmered in the sun light. It’s amazing that something so small can cause so much damage to people’s lives. “should I do this and put my family through the pain again” I got up and put the blade in the bin. I went and got changed into my HIM T shirt and hoodie and baggy jeans, I couldn't wear the same clothes I had on last night. When I went down stairs Adrienne was making lunch and Joey and Jakob were sitting at the table with Billie. "So you finally decide to join us then" Billie said sarcastically.
"I was getting changed"
"Well take the hoodie off it's to hot for it"
"Fine" I took it off.
"You're not wearing wrist band" Billie said in shock.
"That's right, why are you bothered anyway?"
"Well you said you would never take them off, remember, you didn't want anyone to see them"
"Well I'm in the house so I don't want to wear them ok"
"Fine"
“Scarlet, Cassis is on the phone”
“I’ll get it in my room” I got up and went to my room.
“Hey Cass, what’s up”
“Chas told me he saw you with Liam last night, where you?”
“No, he must have been seeing thing, drink does that to you”
“OK, it wasn’t Chas who saw you, it was me and I don’t see thing when I’m drunk”
“Then why did you say that Chas saw me?”
“To see what you said. What was going on ?”
“Nothing was going on, what makes you think something was going on?”
“Well, the next time I seen you, you were on the ground, by yourself in total shock. Now what happened”
“Cass, what I tell you can’t go past you ok?” I told her
“OK, I promise I won’t tell anyone”
“Last night, Liam raped me” I heard her gasp.
“Oh my god, why did you say anything?, why don’t you go the cops?”
“Cause I don’t want Billie and Adie to know, Tre knows and you know and you won’t tell anyone will you?”
“Of course not, I promise”
“Ok, I have to go, I’ll see ya Monday”
“Bye” When I hung up, I went back down stairs and heard Billie and Adie fighting.
“Billie, didn’t you get drunk at sixteen” Adie shouted.
“Yes, I did, I wish I didn’t though cause I messed my life up, I started smoking and doing drugs.”
“Billie, you have to let her make her mistakes. If she doesn’t she will never learn, the way she is the now looks like she a has a massive hangover , so she might be learning from if.” Adie shouted then she sighed . “Maybe she should go live with your mom for a while.” I went in at that point.
“You can’t I’m not gonna go”
“Scarlet maybe it would be good for you to get away for a while.”
“No, I’m not going .” Tears were running down. God, why can’t I stop crying. I ran up to my room. I fell on my bed and screamed into my pillow then cried for hours.
I must have fell asleep cause when I woke up it was about five o clock and Adrienne was sitting at the end of my bed.
“Scarlet what’s wrong?”
“Why do you want to get rid of me?”
“I just thought you should stay with your mom for a while. But it’s not that that’s bothering you . Is it.”
“No, but I’m not telling you, I can’t” She just looked at me.
“Ok but when you want to talk tell me ok.”
“Ok” She closed the door and I went to the bathroom.
I fished through the bin and found the blade I can’t do it on my arm. Where can I do it. My leg. I pulled my pants down a little and dragged the blade along it. Tears ran down my face as a winched at the pain. I found my old cloth, it was stained by old blood from years ago. I put on my leg to stop it bleeding too much.