This Is What We Call a Tragedy

I entered the staff's bathroom and locked the door behind me, letting out a content sigh that my shift was over.

As I said before, I love what I do

But guess who's being a pain in the ass?

...

Don’t even think about answering that.

I lazily moved in front of the sink, looking up to meet my reflection in the slightly dirty mirror.

I stared back at it for a couple of moments, taking in the features that I was sick of having, until my eyes drifted south towards the superman t-shirt I just then realized I was wearing...

~*~
I quickly climbed the two steps leading me to Matt's porch, and finally reaching the front door, I pushed it open, not even bothering to knock as I was here most of the time.

I knew all of the guys were already here, so without making a sound, I walked in and took small steps along the hallway, a smirk crawling on my lips as I debated on how to scare them.

"Are you fucking serious about it?", I heard the words being yelled from the kitchen, making me stop halfway there.

I frowned, listening intently, but there was a short moment of silence before the first person spoke again.

"I can’t believe this! When are you going to tell her?"

"I don’t know, okay? Just stop pressuring me all the time"

"I'm pressuring you? We all had to lie about it for a week cause you didn't have the guts to spill it out already! A whole damn week, Matt!"

A lump formed in my throat as Travis's words hit my ears and I continued my way there, eyes glued to the doorframe.

I couldn’t distinguish anything from now on as every single possibility about what was happening crossed my mind. I was just hearing their muffled voices yelling at one another in the back of my head..

I thought I even heard someone calling my name from the living room as I passed it, but it didn’t matter...

I stood in front of the opened kitchen door, watching their heated conversation until Matt finally saw me, a shocked yet pained look on his features.

"What the hell is going on?" I blurted out, making Travis turn around to face me.

He shook his head before muttering a quick "I’m out of here" and then hurried past me.

I shuffled my feet forward on the tiled floor and reaching the counter he was currently sat on., I mimicked his actions, positioning myself beside him, hands gripping the edge as I leaned forward.

"How much did you hear?"

"What’s with the lying thing?", I cut him off, turning my head to meet his ocean blue eyes.

"I’m... we... " he tried to explain, staring back at me for a few moments "Oh god, this is so hard."

He couldn’t even look at me and say what was wrong.

He hid his face in both hands, elbows propped on his knees and I could hear the front door being closed.

They were all gone.

We were left alone in that awful silence and my mind revolved around one thing only

"Are you d-dating someone else?", my voice slightly shaking over that one word, expecting the worst.

"Remember the gig we had about two weeks ago?", his soft voice asked and I kept my eyes on the floor as my heart pace quickened

I nodded in approval, already hating myself for leaving early that night thank to my mother.

"Uhm... we... w-we got signed"

I froze for a second, but turned my head sharply to face him, a huge grin slipping on my lips.

I squealed as I brought my arms to hug him sideways, his hand snaking around my shoulders in return, pulling me towards him.

I nestled my head into his chest, enjoying those moments where I could barely contain my happiness.

"You scared me...", I mumbled into his t-shirt and I could feel his grip tightening.

"That’s not all"

- next morning-

He had to leave for touring.

Today.

He was leaving me behind.

And I didn’t even know for how long.

He said a few months.

Months?

I spent every day with him.

I grew addicted to him since the day we met.

So how could I last that long with him not being around?

I closed my eyes, letting more tears soak the pillow underneath my head.

It was already damp from last night, so that didn't matter.

I tried getting some rest but I couldn't.

I spent all night thinking about yesterday and what will happen from that day on.

I couldn’t even cry myself to sleep.

Nothing helped.

I just wanted him here, and that was so selfish.

If I wanted him happy, I would let him go.

To fulfill his dream.

To play his heart out on a big stage.

To become a star.

And it was so damn hard.

I looked down at his arm wrapped around my waist.

My black rubber bands were resting on it.

A trade...

For his blue superman t-shirt I was wearing.

Small insignificant things that would remind us of each other.

That would not let us forget.

My hand shakily touched his, tracing patterns on the pale skin, making him sigh contently in his sleep before slightly shifting on the bed behind me.

I stopped, knowing he was going to wake up if I continued the mindless playing, and retracted my hand under the pillow, longing for his soft touch.

A soft groan erupted from his lips as he gripped my waist tightly, pulling me into him as his face buried in my hair.

"You just had to stop," he scolded me, a playful tone in his voice.

I stood quiet, afraid that I might say things I didn’t want to.

I had to make this as easy as possible for the both of us.

"Ashley…,"he whispered near my ear and it sent shivers down my spine.

I tightly closed my eyes as to not let any tears build up as I exhaled a shaky breath.

I was going to miss his voice, even though he promised to call.

I was going to miss stupid things like hanging around with the guys, just fooling around.

I was going to miss us[b/], just lying like this in his room, no care at all.

The bed shifted once more, and he propped himself on one hand as he looked down at me, studying my face, I could just feel it.

I slowly opened my bloodshot eyes, raising my gaze to meet his pained expression.

His black shaggy hair almost shielded his blue orbs from me as he stared back, his lip ring fitting perfectly on the side of his full lips, slightly glistering in the weak rays of light.

He was perfect.

Why would he want to come back to me when he would meet other interesting people.. chicks better than me.

“Don’t do this to yourself, Ashley, there’s no need to worry,” he softly spoke as his hand blindly found mine and entwined our fingers, squeezing tightly.

I couldn’t handle this anymore, it was suffocating.

There wasn’t much time anyway.

How could I say good bye?

I couldn’t.

I wouldn’t .

I cleared my throat as I pushed myself upwards and threw my feet over the edge of the bed, his hand keeping a firm hold on mine as he adjusted his position once more.

“I… I-I need a drink,” I barely mumbled, my voice raspy and my throat aching from the last time I actually said something.

He sighed deeply, obviously disappointed that I was avoiding the subject.

I got up on from the bed, but turned around as soon as I realized he wasn’t letting go.

He scrambled from the mass of sheets wrapped around his body and got to his knees, edging towards me and tugging at my arm downwards.

A smile briefly shot across my face as I bend forward and attached my lips to his as his other hand found its way on my neck, sliding through my hair and keeping me in place.

His lips parted, sucking on my bottom one as the cold frail piece of metal grazed at the corner of my mouth teasingly.

I could feel my stomach flipping upside down and my mind running wild as he gently weaved his fingers through my hair at the back of my neck.

I was forgetting every single thought even when I began remembering for the shortest of seconds.

That’s what he wanted, and he wasn’t playing fair.

He tugged on my arm hastily once more and one of my knees fell on the bed, bringing my face at the same level of his.

Setting my hand loose, he wasted no time in brushing it over my lower back and pressed against it, quickly guiding my body against his.

The action took me by surprise as I lost my balance for a moment, resting my hands on his chest to steady myself.

He momentarily disconnected our kiss, his face inches from mine as he dragged in short whole breaths of air, the air in his lungs washing over my face as he exhaled.

And I suddenly remembered I had made up my mind over something else than this.

“Uhm...,” I began in a frail, breathless voice, my gaze never leaving his.

In the blink of an eye, the pressure applied to my lips was once more there, in a more needy manner, his fingers keeping my head in place as he softly rubbed the back of my neck.

I found myself giving in once more, kissing him back as my curious touch traveled from his chest upward.

As a response, his own hand skillfully found the bottom of my t-shirt and slipped his fingers underneath, running them over my skin agonizingly slow, as his touch left goose bumps all over it.

He grazed his teeth over my bottom lip and bit down softly, slightly pulling at it, making me let out a muffled moan, instantly grabbing two fistfuls of his hair

He took a sharp intake of air, his hand swiftly traveling up my back, abruptly pulling me even closer against his body.

“We’re... we’re leaving tomorrow, Ash”

My eyes shot open as my arms fell limply on his shoulders as soon as his words from the previous day hit me like a brick dead in the face.

His tongue just clashed against mine, but he already noticed my immobile lips and paused, confused.

He broke our heated kiss, his arms grudgingly detaching themselves from their spot and fixing my shirt, not long after coiling around my waist and holding tight as he buried his head in my shoulder and groaned as I disappointed him yet again.

“What’s wrong?”, he sighed, breathing over my neck, his lips slightly brushing across the oversensitive skin as he spoke, making me shudder.

I opened my mouth but after a short pause I sealed it shut, repeating the process a few times, but not being able to let out a lie.

I couldn’t get myself to speak without a desperate attempt to keep him here being involved.

“I should get that drink...” I hastily whispered, trying to detach his arms from around me.

He collapsed onto the bed, face fist into the pillow as he pushed it into his face and groaned loudly into it.

The feeling in my gut turned from ecstatic to aching in the fraction of a second and I had to get out of the room.

I got up once more, heading straight for the door.

Almost there, almost there…

I gripped the handle and quickly turning it, I cracked the door open.

“I hate myself for doing this, you know. I wish you could’ve come with me. I always want you there, by my side. You don’t know how it hurt to know I had to leave you here. This isn’t easy for me either,” he quickly blurted out in a single breath, making me freeze in that same spot.

“Ash?”

I turned my head around as his caring eyes bore into mine for any sing of leaking emotion .

“You know I won’t stop caring, right?”

His desperate gaze searched for an answer that was still getting delayed.

“Yeah,” I barely mumbled, adverting my eyes over the floor and stepping out in the hallway, closing the door immediately.

“Bring a coke, will ya?”, came his tuned out voice from inside as I quickly dragged my feet to the staircase, tears threatening to form back up.

I wasted no time in descending the steps and I paused as the fresh smell of coffee coming from the kitchen up ahead hit my nostrils.

“Is that you, Matt?”, came the soft voice of his mother from inside.

I sighed in defeat as I stepped into the doorway so she could see me, and tried as best as I could not to let my eyes show as I stuck my hands in my pockets and glared at the tiled floor of the kitchen.

“Oh, Ashley…,” she paused as I could her sipping the hot liquid “he’s too lazy to get something for himself again, isn’t he?”

“We’re coming back over a couple of months or so, I don’t even know myself”

I furiously nodded, remembering her question as I pushed his words at back of my head, moving my hand to quickly wipe the tears under my eyes, smudging even more my eyeliner.

I was a wreck.

“Honey, are you okay?”, her worried voice hit my ears as I heard the chair she was sitting on scraping against the tiles.

I looked up , alarmed, her eyes turning wide as she took in my features and headed towards me slowly.

She opened her mouth to say something more, but I cut her off, quickly letting out “I need to head home to get something” while I backed off as she took every step forward.

I turned around and dashed for the door, wasting no time in closing it as I heard her call for her son, but I was already at the end of the driveway, running as fast as I could towards anywhere else but home.
~*~