Be All Mine

“Come out, Audrey!” shouted Matt, the thrash metal song on the stores' radio pouring out heavily as he stood waiting outside the dressing room.

“Hell no!” I shouted, as I looked at myself in the mirror. He'd picked out a pair of black, skin-tight, jeans that had a skull on the left butt pocket to go with the flowing, knee-length, red dress that accentuated my very noticeable cleavage and toned arms. His idea was that if he got me a new outfit, I might feel better about myself on stage. All it did was make me realize just how scared to death I was.

“Audrey, stop being a wuss,” he laughed. “Just show me. I promise not to say anything if you'd like.”

“Promise?” I asked, struggling to tie the white leather combat boots he'd picked out.

“Of course I do,” he said.

Taking a breath or two, I opened the dressing room door and walked out into the dark store as he watched, the bag of clothes for Mikey still in his hand tightly. He watched closely as I turned in a circle and then he smiled.

“What?” I asked eagerly. “I look bad, don't I? I'm so frumpy in this. Why are you smiling? Don't laugh, Matt! That's not funny!”

He ducked when I tried to smack him on the head and he pulled me into his hug as he said, “Oh come on, Audrey. You look amazing. Always do. Stop being so self-conscience.”

I hated it when people said that to me; don't be so self-conscience! Get over yourself! Blah! I wanted to smack them, wanted to punch them so hard they spun right around and fell over.

“Whatever,” I snapped, getting angry way too fast for even me too like. It had always been this way whenever somebody said that. I would get royally pissed off and take it out on them, sometimes hurting them in the process, all because I was still too insecure about myself. Thank you daddy dearest, you've made me a monster, I thought, as I turned to go change.

Matt held the door open as I tried to shut it and said, “Hey, hey, hey. Audrey, what's the matter? What'd I say? Hey!”

I turned to look at him and I crossed my arms over my chest, my head spinning with the self-hatred I had stirring up. I shouldn't be this angry over a simple, non-attacking comment.

“Look, whatever I said, it wasn't supposed to hurt you,” he whispered, as people looked at us from the front of the store. “I was just kidding; playing around with you. Okay? Answer...Talk to me.”

“I just hate it when people say I'm being so self-conscience. I know I am, but why do people have to point it out like that, ya know? I'm sorry I was traumatized as a child and have to cope with it that way,” I confessed, my words coming out fast and venting.

Matt threw his arm around me and pulled me into a tight hug against his chest as I threw my own arms around his waist. “I would never use that against you, ever,” he said. “I didn't know you felt that way about that comment. If I'd known, do you think I would have honestly said it?”

I shook my head and held him tighter. “No,” I said, his shirt muffling it as he kissed the top of my head.

“Good,” he said. “Now do you like the outfit, or do you want to dress yourself?”

My smile returning to my face, I answered, “I like this. It's cute and comfy. I don't wanna be uncomfortable while singing. It'd ruin my posture on stage.”

He laughed and closed the door so I could change.

As soon as I'd stepped out of the dressing room with the clothes thrown over my arm, I heard the squeals of younger girls as I found Matt standing by the CD section. He smiled and started to talk to them as they asked for autographs, their movements very flirtatious as I watched them. I laughed when Matt kept looking at me and they, casually, followed to where he was looking.

“Ya ready, babe?” I asked him, kissing his cheek as I rested my hand on his shoulder.

The girls gave me a jealous and evil look as I held his hand tightly, Matt's face wearing a warm smile as he kissed my cheek. He smiled at the girls and said goodbye after finishing up his autographs. We paid for my outfit, then left the mall quickly.

“What? You get jealous back there miss?” Matt asked as we drove through the freeway to get back to downtown L.A., traffic smooth and fast.

I rolled my eyes as said, “Hardly! I just wanted to see their faces when an average person like me showed up and took hold of you. They practically pissed their little mini skirts.”

Matt laughed and asked, “Where to my love?”

“Why don't we just get some dinner? I'm pregnant, remember? I have to eat like, a lot, a lot of the time. And I am really in the mood for Chinese food right about now.”

“Why don't we go to my place?” offered Matt, as we pulled off the freeway towards Los Angeles and towards Orange County. “We'll have a night in for once. I know you pregnant women get tired fast.”

I laughed at Matt and agreed to do so. “As long as we can sit on a nice, comfortable couch so I can get off of my aching feet and onto my fat ass.”

“I'm afraid I'm a vampire,” Matt joked. “We don't own couches; we like coffins. Sorry.”

Flicking him off, I said, “Well Mr. Shadows, you better buy a couch if you expect to keep me around. I like my couches and sofas very, very much. They're like a bed down stairs and in your living room with out actually having to put one there and ruin the decor.”

He chuckled and said, “By the way, you're not a fat ass, nor do you have one. Yours is-”

“What is it like, Matty?” I asked in a joking tone.

He blushed and threw on his sunglasses, the oh-so-famous Aviators that he's been known to wear...A lot. He looked out at the road as he answered, “Yours is definitely one that I like and think is cute, not obnoxious or hooker like. I love yours.”

I smiled at him.

“You have a cute rump, young lady,” he added, giving my lips a small and quick peck as he sped over the speed limit...No doubt WAY over. “Not that I stare at it.”

“Oh SURE,” I joked, lengthening the syllables in the word sure. “I think you look at it more than anyone ever should be allowed to.”

“Well, if the US comes up with a butt patrol, then I will gladly plead guilty to eye assault on you if you'd like,” he said mockingly as I rolled my eyes and threw on my own sunglasses.

“Thank you,” I said politely, actually thanking him for the odd compliment. “But wait another month and you'll see just how my belly is going to mimic my ass.”

Matt smiled at me and just continued driving.

“That doesn't weird you out, does it?” I wondered.

“Not that I can think of,” he answered. “I see you as a person who I can relate to and have a human conversation with, not an object like a lot of other guys think of women.”

My smile wanted to bust out into full on painful as it grew across my face, my cheeks radiating as I blushed uncontrollably.

“Plus,” Matt continued, “I see nothing that is obscured by the baby. I still get to date you, and that's all that really matters, right? And I think Mikey likes me, so I have nothing to worry about there. No evil new-daddy vibes...Not that I am trying to be the daddy. I just think I could be a male model for him, too. Right?”

I nodded and added, “He needs that. His dad is gone too much for him to know how to and not to act. And he does like you, Matt. He likes you more than anyone who's been around him his entire life, besides his parents. Not even the guys from Mark's band could compare now. And Travis is his godfather.”

Matt laughed and pulled off the interstate as he took off his sunglasses. “Shit, I'm flattered,” he said.

“Feels good to swear, doesn't it?” I giggled. “Imagine how I feel when Mikey's around. I stubbed my toe a week ago, and I could think of only word I wanted to say, but all I could say was fuzzy bunnies. That doesn't NEARLY compare.”

“Well you can swear all you want, if you'd like.”

“Good. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Cool. I'm good now for like, two weeks,” I joked, a neighborhood full of mansions and luxury homes surrounding us. I watched as he pulled into the winding driveway of a two story adobe-style mansion, completed with a red brick roof. The grass was well taken care of and a trail of daisies ran up each side of the driveway, ending at the three car garage. A small walk-up let to the double-door entryway. “Fuck,” I mumbled to myself as I opened my door and stepped out onto the pavement of the driveway.

Matt grinned and asked, “So you approve?”

I looked at him with wide eyes and said, “Are you on crack? Of course I approve! Holy shit! I could lose my son in there for five days and not even know where to begin to look.”

“Good,” he laughed. “So I bet you'd like to come inside, then.”

He followed me up to hid front door and then led me into the front foyer. The ceilings were outrageously high, with heavy crystal chandeliers and dark oil paintings on the white walls. Many gold records and platinum records hung proudly on the far wall above a modern piano, and I could smell a sort of floral scent in the house.

“Make yourself comfy,” he said, leaving me in the foyer to go to the right, which I guessed was the kitchen. I headed left and entered a very warm living room, with a large, maroon, L-shaped couch in the middle, a dark mahogany table in the center. Above the brick fireplace near the couch, hung a large plasma screen television that I could see myself clearly in.

“What do you want, Audrey?” came Matt's voice from behind me, catching me off guard.

“Oh, um...general chow,” I struggled to say, my eyes still lingering on all of the paintings and decor around me. Matt dialed on the phone as I walked over to another, more classical looking piano that was made out of cherry wood.

I took a seat at the piano, hands trembling as I slid my fingers wonderingly over the keys, occasionally pushing one down gently. As my hands found their right places, I started to play Mikey's lullaby softly, humming as I led into it more heavily. The words came out smoothly as I closed my eyes to sing:

“My dear son, you are my flesh and soul,
“And from my body you were sewn.
“Helpless now, but you will soon know,
“That from my words you're wisdom will grow.
“I am your mother, I am your teacher,
“And tomorrow I am neither;
“Tomorrow I am your believer.”

“You're amazing,” said Matt, as he sat beside me and scared me, my hands slamming the piano as he laughed. “I want you to sing something with me. The song you'll be doing next Sunday. That okay?”

I nodded, embarrassed by my reaction when he'd sat down on the stool. He started to play a slow, minor cord progression that started very dark, but led into a heavier intro before he started to sing:

“Like walking into a dream, so unlike what you've seen.
“So unsure but it seems, ’cause we’ve been waiting for
“You.”

Matt went over the song once or twice as I listened and hummed along, my hands eventually catching on as I played the lower end of the spectrum and he the higher keys. I started to sing with him on the third try, our voices mixing too well as I finally came to the bridge of the song. I took the main lines as Matt sang the background lines:

“Loved ones back home all crying ’cause they're already “Missing me.
“I pray by the grace of God that there's somebody “Listening.
“Give me a chance to be that person I wanna be;
“I am unbroken; I’m choking on this ecstasy).
“Oh Lord I'll try so hard but you gotta let go of me.
“Unbreak me, unchain me, I need another chance to Live).”

After we'd finished the whole song, Matt kissed my forehead and put an arm around my shoulders. “You're so beautiful,” he whispered, as I held him close to me as well. “I don't deserve you. But I am glad that you chose a lost cause like me, Audrey.”

“You're welcome,” was the only thing I could think of as Matt laughed and kissed the top of my head.

“How about we watch a movie, huh?” he asked, taking me by the hand and leading me over to the sofa as I watched his graceful movements. He plopped down and I sat down next to him, legs to one side as I rested my head on his chest. Holy crap is he ripped!

“You okay with a horror flick? They're my favorites,” he said, going to the cable's new releases.
“Mine, too,” I confessed, my breathing uneven as I felt his body's movements; the up and down motion of his chest as he inhaled and exhaled, or the slight motion of getting closer as he turned off the lights with a giant universal remote and allowed the movie to start.

The doorbell rang just as I was about to go into cardiac arrest over how amazingly sculpted and refined Matt was, and he got up to go get the food. When he arrived back, he handed me my food and I sat up quickly to eat, my urges to just forget the food and movie and pounce on him flooding through my head.

After we'd finished our food, (and after jumping twice from the movie) I found myself curled back up on his chest, his hand running lightly down my side as I shivered.

“You cold? Need a blanket?” he asked.

“No, no,” I objected. “It just felt good, what you were doing on my side. Kind of relaxing and nice. Makes me want to sleep, almost.”

He laughed before kissing my forehead. “If you're tired, I'll let you stay the night. I have a guest bedroom, if you'd like. I'm not a pig, remember?”

Giggling, I said, “I will stay with you, if you don't mind. In your bed, so long as you keep your hands away from places you would never touch your mother. I want to finish this first.”

We returned our attention to the remainder of the horror-flick, but I fell asleep midway through. He'd carried me to the side of his bed when I opened my eyes and smiled up at him.

“I need PJ's, Matt,” I said, voice hoarse from sleeping. He went to his closet and found a large shirt and shorts that I could change into and I teased him a bit by taking just my shirt off and throwing his on, pulling my pants down as he watched secretly from the bathroom on the other side of the room. I pulled the shorts on and finally rolled into bed next to him, his arms wrapping around my waist as he slid closer to me.

“Goodnight, Matt,” I yawned.

“Goodnight, beautiful,” he whispered, kissing the back of my neck gently as I drifted off into the night.