99 Ways to Save a Life

Smile.

Just grin and bear it.

Everyone's got their own little mantras, right? I definitely hold onto my own like white on rice. If I didn't... If I didn't remind myself to smile, everything would begin to disintegrate and fall apart. I most certainly couldn't allow that. Not now, not ever. I let my gaze drift over to the window again, watching the rain drops slide down the smooth glass, disappearing into nothing. The weather seemed fitting, considering my circumstances today. I looked up in time to catch the sign.

Welcome To Camp Conquer

I felt my lips quiver, my grin start to falter.

You know you're not supposed to be here... don't belong here... shouldn't be here...

I shook my head and perked up. Everything was fine. I would be just fine, and after this was all done and over with, I could just go home, right?

Yeah, sure, whatever you say, Mel. But tell me this, hot-stuff, where IS your home, huh?

I flicked my forehead and ignored that. Today was not the day for a royal, public embarrassment. I'd already had enough of those to last three lifetimes. I got out of the taxi, retrieved my suitcases from the trunk, and purposefully walked towards the main building with my head held high. As I walked in the office, I looked around. I was taken by surprise. When a person goes to a place like Camp Conquer, I guess they expect bright, cheery colors and stupid motivational plaques hanging on almost every wall. Not here. It was just... gray. I went up to the desk and smiled at the woman sitting there.

“Hi! Can I help you?” she asked.

“Uh-huh. I'm supposed to ask for Erin. I'm Melody.”

“Take a seat right over there, and she'll be right with you.”

I did as I was told, and within a few moments, a young-looking woman came up to me.

“Melody Newton?”

I looked up, brushing my hair out of my face, and nodded.

“I'm Erin, your mentor. Follow me.”

I grabbed my belongings and followed her to a room that I assumed was her office. Here, there was actually color on the walls. The walls were painted a calming, soothing shade of blue that reminded me of the ocean. I liked that. Erin closed the door behind us.

“So, Melody. How was your trip?”

“Oh, fine. Just fine, thank you.”

Don't lie, Mel. It was a horrible trip! You got sick on the plane, and the flight attendant kept hitting you with the cart, and that baby puked on you. Don't you dare lie!

I slightly shook my head, indicating I wanted silence.

“Okay. Melody, why are you here?”

“Why... Why am I here?”

Why was I here?

“Yes. Tell me, why are you here at camp today?”

“Oh. Well, my mom and step-dad think I'm sick.”

“They think you're sick?”

“Oh, yes. My doctors, too. But I'm fine, really. I feel great!”

Erin sighed.

“Melody, when was the last time you used?”

That was not a question that I wanted to answer. I never liked anyone bringing up my 'using', because all I wanted to do was deny it to myself. The mere mentioning of my habit made me want more. The loose white powder poured on my favorite flowered mirror... it always helped me forget. And I had a lot to forget about.

“Last... last night.”

“Okay, there's an honest answer. Now, let me ask you again. Melody, why are you here?”

I sighed. I might as well put out all my cards, because that seemed to be the only way that I'd ever get out of this place.

“I have MPD. Multiple personality disorder. An Unfortunate Incident happened to me last year on my 15th birthday. And... Cocaine helps me get rid of both.”

Erin nodded sympathetically.

I just knew that she knew what the Incident was. And I knew that she was judging me.

I smiled even brighter.

“Melody, why do you do that?”

“Do what, Erin?”

Mel, that's enough “Sharing Time” today. Shut up.

“Smile like that, when you're obviously not happy about all of this.”

“Oh. Uhm... Well. If I smile, everything is okay. If I don't smile, people see I'm not happy. And when people see I'm not happy, they know what happened. And if they know, they judge.”

Okay, Mel. Really, enough talking. Shut. Up!

“That seems like a complicated theory. Would you be willing to talk about it today in group?”

My heart began pounding, Talk? In front of other kids like me? Was this woman nuts?

“I... I don't know.”

No! You can’t talk about it! They’ll know about us!

“Shut up. Just shut the hell up, or else,” I muttered.

“What?”

I smiled again.

“Nothing! Is that all? Can I go to my room now?”

Erin nodded grimly, and we left to go to the cabins.

Smile. Smile. Smile. Smile. Smile.