Status: Active.

99 Ways to Save a Life

Leave: Rex Khan

“Rex? Can I talk to you?” Erin, our mentor, enters the room. “Rex, you haven’t turned up to any group sessions. Are you okay?”

Of course not. I can’t ever be okay.

“I’m fine.”

“Have you eaten?”

There it is. The question everyone’s been pestering me with for the past two years.


“What did you eat?”

Again, she doesn’t believe me.
The cafeteria always makes Pasta on a Tuesday.


“That’s all you’ve had all day?”

“No… I had breakfast too.”

“Right… and where did you get this pasta from?”

“The canteen?”

“The canteen had curry today. What have you eaten, Rex?”

“What? The canteen always makes pasta on a Tuesday!”

“I know that you keep a timetable of what foods the canteen cooks. Now tell me honestly, when was the last time you ate?”

“Friday.” I mumble

“Pardon?” asks Erin.

“Friday” I reply, louder this time.

“The problem’s not going to go away if you only ignore it, Rex.”

“I know…”

“Are you ready to tell me why?”

“Why what?”

“Why it is that you do this to yourself?”

“I can’t tell anyone.”

He was beautiful.

His blonde hair fell neatly over his dark blue eyes, and his perfect mouth curved into a smile.

His name was Samuel. He was British, and spoke with an accent as delicious as his appearance.

He was my first proper crush. It was forbidden, it was wrong, but I couldn’t help it.

He became my friend, my best friend.

We did everything together. It was great.

We shared the same interests and hobbies, and it felt as if we were on the same wavelength.

Then I did something stupid.

I kissed him.

It was wrong, I know that now. But at the time, it was so… perfect. It was so romantic, so picturesque and so lovely.

I never thought I was gay. I’d never classed it as that. I didn’t like being labelled, after all – I’d dated plenty of girls.

I didn’t think I properly loved him, until he rejected me.

He was bitter, brutal and mean.

“Get off me you fat fag!”

I leaned away, only to be destroyed by the next words that came from his mouth.

“Leave. Right now.”

And I had to. I had to leave exactly as he told me to, because what more could I do. I couldn’t stop him. I couldn’t hurt him. I was drowning in love, and nobody could rescue me anymore. I could do nothing but sink slowly into the sea of despair.

“You want to tell me what’s wrong?”

The tears threaten to spill from my eyes as rejection hits me again and again.

“Leave. Please. I want to be alone.” I state.

“Alright. But I expect you at our next meeting…” Erin begins.

“If I tell you I’ll be there will you leave?”

“That’s all I ask.”

“I’ll be there.”

“I’ll leave.” Erin says as she closes the door.
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