Sold

“So, where do you want to go?” Justan smiled over at me briefly as he drove toward God-knew-where.

“How about the park.” I sent him a quick smile. Okay, so I didn’t completely lie to my dad; I did get washed up, and Justan was taking me out. But I didn’t wash myself, and Justan wasn’t taking me out on a date like my dad was probably thinking. It’s like a secret lie …

I could feel Justan’s gaze shifting from me to the road every five seconds. Deciding on ignoring it, I concentrated on my thoughts. Why would Matty only come see me at night? That was sort of creepy. Why wouldn’t he let me see him; was it Justan?

“Lil?” My heart Jumped. “Are you okay? You seem a little … out of it.”

“Oh, I’m fine. Just …thinking.”

“About what?”

“Oh, just my dad.” Another lie.

“Why?”

“I miss him, I guess.” Liar. The car swerved slightly and my stomach felt like a lead weight. Oh boy.

“Why in the hell would you miss him? What has he ever done for you?” He seemed a bit...angry. Without my permission, a whimper escaped through my throat. I don’t know what was worse, the throbbing in my leg, or that fear that Justan was gonna hit me.

“I just do.” My voice was small and pitiful when I spoke, it was very … degrading.

The rest of the ride was quiet. So, I thought about my options. Justan had good qualities. For example, he was protective of me. But, Matty had the good quality of … well, he was fun, more laid back.

Justan was a little stiff; too serious. Matt, on the other hand, didn’t seem to care enough.

So, I had one guy who would always be there for me, and wanted the best for me; and one who liked to see me happy and smiling, whether it cost them their happiness or not.

I liked both of them okay, but they were two completely different people. If only I were little again, it would make this so much easier.

That thought made many things click; it made me understand just why being little was so much easier.

When I was younger, I met a lot of boys, hung out with a lot of boys; yet my best friend was a girl. Tracie was her name, and my mom introduced us. Tracie was my closest friend.

Whenever I hung out with the boys, Tracie was always there. Always. And her opinion on the boys meant everything to me; it made me decide whether I liked them or not. Like this one time; this boy, Gregery, I think his name was, was an okay boy, but I wasn’t sure if I liked him enough to be friends or not. Tracie pointed out something about him that she didn’t like, and it showed me just why I didn’t like him all that much. Tracie was my light.

The day I met Justan -Jeremie, she showed e a quiet, subtle like for him. After a while, she would tell me all about what she liked about him, and rarely would I hear a dislike. Maybe something along the lines of, “He’s too quiet. But he’s cute.” And then she’d giggle. The funny thing, though, I felt the same way. Occasionally, we’d both just sit and hash out things we both liked about him; usually we’d agree, but there were times that we’d disagree on a like, or I would say that I liked something about him that she didn’t.

When I met Matt, however, Tracie’s face lit up. She liked him, and I could tell; so I gave him a try. Just so happened that I grew a little thing for him as well. He was energetic, exciting, and so funny. He was never afraid to speak his mind, and would always find something fun that we could all do together; though at times, he told me that he wished it could’ve been just me and him. But, I ignored that. I was afraid to like him too much, because I knew that Tracie, really liked him. I had this bad feeling that if I showed that I liked him, that something bad would happen.

It was a couple of days after I decided to show my interest for Matt that Tracie died. It devastated me, considering I was 8 and she was my best friend, and nearly everyone around me. The only one that didn’t cry or even show emotion (besides my dad) was Justan.

That made me think, he didn’t show much emotion when I told him and Matt about my mom’s death either. What was with him? It was a lot like how my dad reacted … Was it a male thing?

It couldn’t be, because Matty on the other hand, bawled when Tracie passed on, and I couldn’t really remember what his reaction was to my mom’s news.

There’s cold, and then there’s sensitive; two more opposites.

Both are good at different times. Matt is adorable, and Justan is cute. Tiffany broke my train of though, and the memories I’ve been after for years evaporated from my brain.

Yeah, but which is better?

Which do you like better?

Both.

Okay, let me rephrase that; which do you like better without Tracie’s opinion?

Without thinking, my answer rang throughout my head, shocking myself with it.

Okay then.